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How many people from your community will fly to ds wedding

 
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:27 am
Ds got engaged. We live oot. The wedding is going to be in New York. I’m afraid not so many people will fly all the way to the east coast. We have a very small family and even some of them probably won’t make the trip because they are not religious and not so close. Also I doubt that any of our friends will fly to the east coast. How many people do people expect to fly in from oot? What is the normal amount usually?
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:35 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Ds got engaged. We live oot. The wedding is going to be in New York. I’m afraid not so many people will fly all the way to the east coast. We have a very small family and even some of them probably won’t make the trip because they are not religious and not so close. Also I doubt that any of our friends will fly to the east coast. How many people do people expect to fly in from oot? What is the normal amount usually?


Mazel tov.

We can't answer that question without knowing where you are and where the wedding is. And how close you are to the people invited. More people will take a $100 flight than a $1000 flight. Your bestie is more likely to come than the woman you talk to twice a year at a kiddush.

A lot of people in your circumstance would make a dinner party in their home town when the couple visits, and not bother inviting a lot of people who won't come.
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:38 am
At weddings I have been to, only family and very close friends fly to weddings. But really depends on family...some people have lots of friends.

My husband had a few close friends fly in for our wedding.

Does your son have friends in NY? Do you? You can invite them.

A lot of people make a big sheva brochos in their hometown when the wedding is so far away.

Also, if you have a bunch of daughters, people may figure they will join you at your daughters weddings. If you are not making a lot of weddings, people will be more likely to come to this.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:44 am
So it’s not weird if only few people from our community will show up? It’s more like a $500 (for 6 hours each way) flight not considering a hotel stay if the stay overnight
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 11:52 am
Many weddings I've been at, the chassan's side consists of close family and a handful of close friends.
If the chassan has any old friends, classmates, etc in the tri-state area, he should invite them to make it lebedik.
Most people make a larger aufruf, shabbos Sheva brachos or both for their community.
If it really bothers you, and you can afford it, you can bring in some friends, but it's not necessary or expected.
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So it’s not weird if only few people from our community will show up? It’s more like a $500 (for 6 hours each way) flight not considering a hotel stay if the stay overnight


totally not weird.
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amother




Orchid


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:33 pm
It also depends how you time it. If the wedding is Sunday evening it gives people a chance to fly on Sunday, which is not a work day, and only miss one work day to fly back.
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cm




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 12:51 pm
It really depends. If people in your community regularly travel to NY, or if it's a popular travel week and people can schedule a stopover en route to Israel (for example), expect more. If it's an awkward time or people in your community don't have strong ties to NY, it might be just a few. A low turnout in no way reflects poorly on you, your family or your son. Many families in your situation would host a sheva brachot or other celebration in their hometown.
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Gerbera




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:04 pm
Totally not weird. I married a guy from overseas. Noone showed up but his parents and siblings. Flying to a wedding is a huge expense - costs people time off work, arranging childcare, etc. It's not always feasible.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:22 pm
I'm from LA, and many make weddings in NY/NJ.
Very few friends come.

My sil from LA made a wedding if her son in NY, and besides for close family (aunts, uncles, grandparents of the chosson), I think maybe 4 family friends total came. Offhand, I can only think of a husband and wife that they are very close to.

When my mother's best friend's daughters got married, she flew out for those. So in the last decade, she has flown out for two weddings.

Chosson will have friends. Parents will have almost none. Sad
hopefully, your friends will make nice sheva brachos!
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:37 pm
When my son got married out of the country we had one family friend that flew special for the wedding.
We had no friends from our home town(as in zero!!!).
We did have a lot of relatives that came and I had some childhood friend that traveled for the chuppa as the wedding was in the same country as I grew up (a couple of hours train ride!)!
I was a little sad not to have my close friends present but it was a beautiful simcha regardless and I spoke to them the day before.
My son had a few close friends that flew in as well as his rebbeim.
It won't be weird at all if your friends don't come and I'm sure you will enjoy the simcha anyway!!
Mazal tov!!
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amother




Coffee


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:44 pm
Can you afford to fly a few close friends in?
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amother




Mustard


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 2:46 pm
Dh had way less people at our wedding than my side had. Though, don't underestimate the non-frum family. More of DH's came than he expected. They turned it into a mini-vacation.

You can invite the people you know and care about in NY, even if they wouldn't normally make the cut. For example, relatives that normally might be farther out on the family tree. I imagine DS has friends there, too. And make a large sheva brachos by you.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 3:09 pm
A relative of mine made a wedding in Canada, she was sure no one will show, as she & family are in America.
She was so touched that some family members actually wanted to join the wedding, that she paid for the guests who came for hotel night to stay over. She also paid for a bus for Choson's friends to join wedding.
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mommyhood




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 3:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So it’s not weird if only few people from our community will show up? It’s more like a $500 (for 6 hours each way) flight not considering a hotel stay if the stay overnight

Not weird at all. If you have any acquaintances in the NY area invite them so you’ll have some representation but otherwise the girls side is usually happy to be able to invite more people since you’ll have less.
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Amarante




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 13 2019, 4:01 pm
In my experience very few people are going to fly a long distance to attend a wedding if it isn't either a very close relative or a very close friend. No one is going to think it weird if large numbers of people don't fly in. I don't think Frum, secular or atheist makes a difference - it's a lot of time and money to fly somewhere for essentially one day unless the event is of particular meaning to the people - grandparents, parents, siblings typically. Aunts and uncles perhaps and that would really depend on how close they were although sometimes family will attend because it is a way for them to have a reunion with a lot of their family they don't typically get to see altogether.

It is quite common for there to be some kind of celebration where you live and the couple would fly in for that (assuming they don't live there).
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