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amother




Chocolate


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 12:28 am
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.
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proudmom8




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 12:31 am
Hugs OP that’s so so difficult and challenging! Good for you for reaching out for help to make a beautiful yt for your family! How can I help you? Would you feel comfortable telling us sizes of your kids and I can see if I have or can get great condition clothing for them?
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amother




Aqua


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 4:06 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.

Disagree. Almost everything my children wear (and a bunch of mine too) is hand-me-down. We don't have a budget item for clothing at all. It is not degrading at all, it is extremely appreciated.

All of the clothing is tzniusdik, we don't have to search through racks. We try it on at our leisure, no store hours to worry about, no problem with strollers in aisles. We keep whatever we want or like - no financial concerns whatsoever. And whatever we don't like or doesn't fit us, we pass on - no returns to worry about.

OK, not everything is my taste, but who cares? If my kids like it and it is tzniusdik, I'm happy too.
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Cmon be nice




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 6:14 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.

Why are u telling us that your rav doesn't help out? That diesnt help op, not to mention that his job is to help
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 6:52 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.


I hear you, but I don't agree.

Perhaps I am simply the recipiant of the most tactful, kind and generous friends in the whole wide world, but I have been accepting hand me downs for years and was never once made to feel degraded or ugly.

OP, I'm so sorry for what your going through. I've been where you are. It's a very stuck feeling to want and not be able to afford. I hope that things look better for you very soon.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions. I'm going to second shopping at serendipidy. Whatever I don't get from handmedowns I buy from there. They really have beautiful clothing, much of it with the tags still on. I rarely have a clothing item I need to buy full price in a regular store. I have seen super trendy looking woman shopping there. I've seen people who (outwardly at least) are quite well off shopping there. I've wondered at times if the people who run the store ask wealthy community members to come shop there specifically to give the store an upscale vibe and to make it respectable and less embaressing for people of lesser means to shop there too.

Regarding food for yom tov, this doesn't solve things, but maybe it will help a little: In order to keep costs down we have gotten into the habit of having meat or chicken meals only once a day. The other yomtov meal that day is something really inexpensive, like omelets, or stuffed baked potatoes, or minestrone soup, or pasta. With a little effort those cheaper meals can feel as festive as the expensive ones. If I can't put money into a meal, I'll put time into it, plate the food beautifully, set the table nicely, and viola!, we have a lovely yom tov worthy meal. We also welcome the break from heavier meals. We have done the same for shabbos in a pinch. Shabbos lunch can be a meatless chulent, egg salad, veggie salad, pasta salad. It's yummy and filling. A long time ago we made the decision to live within our means, and have stuck to it. There's no shame in it. I sometimes feel like there are such funny, expensive food expectations for a yom tov that are really not nessicary. Once we dropped these expectations it became so much less stressful to make shabbos and yom tov in ways that worked for us and for our budget. One of the best compliments I ever got was from a neighbor who commented on my cooking habits: You make the most ordinary things feel special. I think we as people are intrinsically special and yom tov is intrinsically special; its not so hard to draw on all that specialness and use it to elevate the ordinary and inexpensive.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 8:36 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.


I don't agree with this at all. There's no shame in living a lifestyle you can afford. I've raised my kids on hand-me-downs, both from within our family (including cousins - we share things all around) and without. I save uniforms (my youngest wears her older sisters, with an occasional new sweater because those wear out), pajamas, socks (if in good condition), outerwear, clothes, etc.... and by doing this carefully, we can sometimes afford something new for Y"T (usually sale items or last year's stock). My kids always look put-together and even up-to-date, and much of it is hand-me-downs.

My daughter's new Y"T dresses are - one from aliexpress, a really cute skirt (originally from Posh) bought at a discount store with a matching top again from aliexpress, and one new dress that was a splurge from Junee. My older teen has a beautiful new Y"T dress bought at a sale of last year's stock for $30. Alot of her seminary wardrobe is from her cousin who grew and is an inch or two taller than she is, and passed down whatever is too short. And whatever she outgrows, she passes on to said cousin's younger sister.

No shame, not degrading. My girls are happy to have nice clothes to wear.
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amother




Jetblack


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 8:50 am
Op
Please post the sizes you need so those of us who want to send can.
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 8:54 am
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Kupath Ezra of Monsey does not accept new cases at all. They don't even have the means to help current families on their list.
Our Rav doesn't help out financially and wouldn't get involved in financial assistance.
Tomchei shabbos can give a box with basic shabbos nessesities, if they qualify you.
Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.


Where I live, people post their hand me downs on a rummage whatsapp group and/or facebook and people run to be the first one to get it! Whatever does not work for that person is re-rummaged. Its only degrading if you feel it is. I'm sorry you do feel this way, but please realize many people love this kind of thing.
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 9:03 am
My DIL in RBS (bet) always buys second hand and it is only a couple of shekolim per garment and the clothes are really cute.

In Crown Heights there are tzedukah organizations that help with or distribute clothes for people in need.

I do agree that in some neighborhoods, the whole neighborhood is caught up with buying expensive stuff and it is hard to fake it and people are not eager for the world to know their financial situation.
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amother




Pink


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 9:05 am
"Hands down to people offering to give away their clothing. It's a sweet offer, but very degrading.
Many tines It either doesn't fit, not the recipient's taste and it feels very ugly to take other people's stuff.[/quote]

just want to chime in as well that it doesn't have to be considered degrading. I LOVE hand me downs for the all the reasons others have mentioned and will happily take it for both myself and my kids. For younger kids it's so much more convenient then shopping. I can b"H afford to buy my kids clothing and yet I jump at any offer of hand me downs. Am happy to buy clothing second hand as well.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 9:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We are really struggling now and can't buy clothes shoes or food for y"t. We tried chessed of Lakewood and Mrs shanik. Anyone know other organizations or individuals that can help us out?

If you can get to Brooklyn then you can pick up food at Masbia. Try to go to the Boro Park one which is where they have the good food to give away. There are many food pantries in NY as well where you can just come get food to prepare on your own--
https://www.foodbanknyc.org/get-help/

https://www.needhelppayingbill......html

If you can get to Brooklyn, Queens, or Bronx I see there are Stop N Swaps coming up on either Sunday or Monday (go through the list as some are on Saturday) where you can go get free things that people drop off. Not sure if you will be successful but you can definitely try. Or you can start your own Stop N Swap in your community, call them and ask them how to do it-- https://www.grownyc.org/swap

If you cant make it to NY then try looking into food banks in New Jersey--
https://www.foodpantries.org/st/new_jersey

https://www.cfbnj.org/

https://www.needhelppayingbill......html
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amother




Blush


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 9:58 am
Hi op I just wanted to say that I am in the exact same boat as you! U probably feel like you're the only one who don't have the means to buy what u need " like everyone else does"... It's a painful place to be in. My husband works very hard to provide for us but I recently lost my job and we're really struggling! It's a very expensive time of year and I feel like I'm choking even without buying new clothes. BH my kids accept hand me downs very happily but certain things don't hand down well like shoes ... and they're a fortune!! (Even going to the cheapest store!) Some of my kids are in desperate need for shoes and I keep pushing it off cuz I don't have the means to pay for it:( forget about food or rent or tuition.... The expenses are endless and I just daven for a yeshuah! I'm just curious why ahavas tzedaka or tomchei shabbos couldn't help u out. They collect so much money!! Who does it go to if not ppl who are in need like you are???
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tymama




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:00 am
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
I skipped the clothing and shoes. if someone needs a new shirt, doesnt warrant a wardrobe just because it is yom tov. Same with shoes. if it fits it's ok. for food reach out to tomchei shabbos.Again, no reason for elaborate meals and expensive meat. It is not Pesach where you need pricey matzah and wine.

The holidays also coincide with season change so sometimes buying new clothes is not a choice. I can’t send my kids to shul in short sleeves. And with the new clothes comes tights and sweaters and all the other wonderful expenses. I don’t buy much for myself or my husband till after yuntif unless one of us needs something urgently.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:09 am
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
Hi op I just wanted to say that I am in the exact same boat as you! U probably feel like you're the only one who don't have the means to buy what u need " like everyone else does"... It's a painful place to be in. My husband works very hard to provide for us but I recently lost my job and we're really struggling! It's a very expensive time of year and I feel like I'm choking even without buying new clothes. BH my kids accept hand me downs very happily but certain things don't hand down well like shoes ... and they're a fortune!! (Even going to the cheapest store!) Some of my kids are in desperate need for shoes and I keep pushing it off cuz I don't have the means to pay for it:( forget about food or rent or tuition.... The expenses are endless and I just daven for a yeshuah! I'm just curious why ahavas tzedaka or tomchei shabbos couldn't help u out. They collect so much money!! Who does it go to if not ppl who are in need like you are???


I just got my dd adorable shoes in Walmart. We also do well in Burlington, Marshalls etc. We usually spend less than $20 a pair. Some shoes will last a season, sometimes we have to buy another pair halfway through, but it's still cheaper than spending $80-$120 in the frum stores.

Op, if your kids need shoes there is a shoe gemach in Lakewood. I've never been there, but I know people have done well there.

Also, I recently read an article, I'm sorry I don't remember where, about people in different cities who pickup leftover food from simchas and distribute it. I remember there was someone in Lakewood, but I don't remember more. Hopefully someone will have that info for you.
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amother




Blush


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:25 am
Ive been to the shoe gemach in Westgate. It's basically older style shoes sold at a cheaper price but it's very hit and miss with sizes and we didn't find anything... Also my girls are getting older and the stores u mentioned didn't have anything appropriate for them:(
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:28 am
Notsobusy wrote:
I just got my dd adorable shoes in Walmart. We also do well in Burlington, Marshalls etc. We usually spend less than $20 a pair. Some shoes will last a season, sometimes we have to buy another pair halfway through, but it's still cheaper than spending $80-$120 in the frum stores.

Op, if your kids need shoes there is a shoe gemach in Lakewood. I've never been there, but I know people have done well there.

Also, I recently read an article, I'm sorry I don't remember where, about people in different cities who pickup leftover food from simchas and distribute it. I remember there was someone in Lakewood, but I don't remember more. Hopefully someone will have that info for you.


I know a woman who distributes food from stores before Shabbos for those who need. She might also know of resources for other things as well....she was my mother's cousin and a wonderful person. PM me if you would like her name, I doubt she'd appreciate it if I posted it online.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:33 am
Chayalle wrote:
I know a woman who distributes food from stores before Shabbos for those who need. She might also know of resources for other things as well....she was my mother's cousin and a wonderful person. PM me if you would like her name, I doubt she'd appreciate it if I posted it online.


There's also that family on Forest Ave, where stores give their leftover foods before Shabbos. I very often pass there on Friday afternoons and see people walking to their cars with bags and boxes, and it brings tears to my eyes every time.

Op, I don't know their address or their name, but I know it's open to everyone and it's very easy to find, just drive up Forest to the higher numbers, I think it's somewhere between 12th and 14th. and you'll see the people and the boxes outside.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:35 am
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
Ive been to the shoe gemach in Westgate. It's basically older style shoes sold at a cheaper price but it's very hit and miss with sizes and we didn't find anything... Also my girls are getting older and the stores u mentioned didn't have anything appropriate for them:(


I have preteen, teenagers and a dd in her 20s and they all find shoes in the stores I mentioned. My older dds won't buy shoes or clothing in Walmart anymore, but they will buy in Target, Kohls, Burlington, etc.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:42 am
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
Ive been to the shoe gemach in Westgate. It's basically older style shoes sold at a cheaper price but it's very hit and miss with sizes and we didn't find anything... Also my girls are getting older and the stores u mentioned didn't have anything appropriate for them:(


It's not super cheap but DD's school shoes (and she's in 6th grade) were $40 from Zara. Her new Shabbos shoes were $35, from Royal Shoes when they had their sale in Todd Plaza.

I always shop ahead and plan what she will need in the summer and take advantage of sales.....(I make a list of what we have, what she needs, and what she would like....) Comes out much cheaper, and I avoid the pre Y"T rush.

Some stores that have cheaper stuff:

Juvenile Planet has a store with past season's stuff called off-2nd. I remember last year DD's summer Shabbos outfit was in the $30 range...for an $150 outfit.

Backstage - sells previous seasons clothing from upscale stores. Still a bit more expensive ($50 per dress, $30 per skirt, etc...) Occasionally they will have a sale upon a sale, like a percent off on their already-lower prices. (Also, my petite oldest has even found some things in this store, and it's alot cheaper than adult stores, which don't fit her anyway.)

Fashion Wholesalers are cheaper

Any store on sale - if you can buy ahead

Zara will sometimes have some styles that can work for frum people.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Sep 20 2019, 10:43 am
Notsobusy wrote:
There's also that family on Forest Ave, where stores give their leftover foods before Shabbos. I very often pass there on Friday afternoons and see people walking to their cars with bags and boxes, and it brings tears to my eyes every time.

Op, I don't know their address or their name, but I know it's open to everyone and it's very easy to find, just drive up Forest to the higher numbers, I think it's somewhere between 12th and 14th. and you'll see the people and the boxes outside.



Yes, that's who I'm talking about.
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