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If your parents/in laws paid down payment on house...
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 3:50 pm
How much say did they have on the house you bought, such as location, size, quality etc? Did they trust your judgment or control the whole situation? Did they give the money easily or were they difficult and controlling about it?
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amother




Blue


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 4:16 pm
Completely left it in our hands. They offered opinions but we were free to accept or otherwise.

They offered to pay, we never asked. I am so grateful
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 4:21 pm
It was up to us but my mother in law requested we reserve one room to be hers. We designated the guest room as that room. She has first dibs on visiting us. She has not come to us in over two years to sleep so at this point it’s just the guest room.
She wants us to take care of her when she is elderly.
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amother




Denim


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 7:14 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How much say did they have on the house you bought, such as location, size, quality etc? Did they trust your judgment or control the whole situation? Did they give the money easily or were they difficult and controlling about it?

They only allowed a new build as they felt that upkeep on an older home would cost too much. That narrowed our choices significantly and we were only able to purchase a condo and not a home within price range. It's hard but we are so grateful for the downpayment.
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amother




Tan


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 7:46 pm
We picked out the house. It was a handyman's special and not mortgagable by a bank.
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amother




Orange


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 7:47 pm
Both sets of parents gifted us money towards a down payment with no strings or opinions attached.
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ROFL




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:35 pm
I would have loved to live in the same house as my in Laws but the strings to their house were too thick. ( if we lived with that carpet why are you changing it ???)
We bought our home in another community and are happy here- they did make some comments as we did things to this home but I was able to ignore their comments.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 3:28 am
I have seen it all from no string but help, to no string no help, to help and string etc
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amother




Violet


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 5:34 am
I got some help from inlaws, they did not mix in. I helped my children, did not see the house prior to purchase. The down payment (if you can afford to assust) should be a gift for your adult children to make their own decision or mistake.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:18 am
Ok so I have major dilemma now. Basically my parents offered us to buy house and we had our eyes for while on certain house in area that we wanted. All along, my father was very not excited about it and expressed clearly all his hesitations. He definitely has strong points but realistically, there's nothing better available. Now he's begrudgingly willing to go ahead with it but warning us that if there are issues and things start breaking, we shouldn't complain that he didn't warn us. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to go against my parents, especially when they're so generously giving such a huge sum of money, that we could never accrue otherwise. On the other hand, after speaking to real estate agents and others in the know, there's really nothing better available for that price, in that area and we're not really able to go further out. So now I feel pressured in all directions. My husband is frustrated that he turned over the world and after all that, I'm not thrilled about it. However, it's still a lot of money and we're not getting so much for it, even though anything better would cost even more money, that we could never afford. I have to make decision today, the seller needs answer and I just don't know what to do! I just want everyone to be happy but I also want to be happy and I'm not thrilled about this prospect, I'm just not!
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:22 am
Is the only reason your hesitating because of your father's words "when this cost you more money don't come crying" ?

All houses need work and upkeep. Even if you're dad picked a house, it would have issues that need to be taken care of.

If this house works for you in terms of budget, layouts, location. Then I say go for it.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:24 am
No, it's not the only reason, although his negativity did put a huge damper on me. I was never crazy over it. It's an old townhouse with no property and costing a lot of money, plus would need at least 30k in renovations to make it look nice. I don't feel it's worth so much money, yet that's the going price now and not going to get anything better. It's just painful for me, I would love a new fresh house but can't afford one in the area I want and even in the areas I don't want, it's still very expensive. I feel I deserve better.
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:28 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No, it's not the only reason, although his negativity did put a huge damper on me. I was never crazy over it. It's an old townhouse with no property and costing a lot of money, plus would need at least 30k in renovations to make it look nice. I don't feel it's worth so much money, yet that's the going price now and not going to get anything better. It's just painful for me, I would love a new fresh house but can't afford one in the area I want and even in the areas I don't want, it's still very expensive. I feel I deserve better.


So there were reservations about the place even before the money comments.

Sounds like you need to talk this over with your husband and real estate person.

This doesn't sound to me like a dad and money thing... Not until you've resolved how you feel about the actual property
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:31 am
I already spoke to everyone numerous times. I feel my husband was a little in denial about how I felt about the whole thing until now and also, we were so busy combating my father that I couldn't even focus clearly on what I wanted. The real estate agent laid everything down very clearly, patiently, and professionally to us. He really knows his business and what's out there and I completely hear him from a rational point of view. But a part of me just protests this whole thing like I just want something better!
Now we're down to the wire and I need to make final decision and so torn. I want my husband to be happy but feel I can't please him on such a major decision.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:34 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No, it's not the only reason, although his negativity did put a huge damper on me. I was never crazy over it. It's an old townhouse with no property and costing a lot of money, plus would need at least 30k in renovations to make it look nice. I don't feel it's worth so much money, yet that's the going price now and not going to get anything better. It's just painful for me, I would love a new fresh house but can't afford one in the area I want and even in the areas I don't want, it's still very expensive. I feel I deserve better.

Why is it such an emergency to jump into it? Maybe something better will come up in the future. Is the money being given just now? or it's being put in an account special for you for this reason?
I would advise you to give yourself a set amount of time to find something else, meaning that Hashem will show you what to do. Either something better will come up or Hashem will show you to purchase this house.
Whatever you do, I don't think you should have a pit in your stomach when you buy a home.
You should be happy and excited.
Also, I think you should consider your fathers opinion of course, especially if you say that what he says makes sense. Although, when both you and your dh make a solid decision don't let your fathers unenthusiastic response get to you.
From what I'm gathering, it's not just your father that is uneasy about this home, you are uneasy about it too.
Wishing you lots of hatzlocha and clarity.
Ksiva Vchasim Tova
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:39 am
That's what I told my husband, let's wait a little! We are under pressure to make decision bec there's a deadline with the payment, although not yet. However, if we say no to this house, we're gonna lose it and the lower price the agent managed to get for us, and there's no guarantee we will find something better. Also, we've been looking around for years, even before this offer and in this area there isn't anything nicer or newer for this price range. I just feel I'm being gypped and it's not fair. I work so hard, I'm working full time for 20 years with never a penny to spare, I haven't bought myself new shoes or clothing in months. We can barely pay our basic bills and need help from all sides. Now I feel this huge pressure to commit to this house bec otherwise we won't find better or cheaper and here all these young chassidish couples are moving from Brooklyn, without working an ounce as hard as I do, without taking responsibility for any finances or anything and they're all getting stunning brand new homes while I have to settle bec I can't get better. It's not fair! Yes, if I say yes, I'm doing so with a heavy heart, not with an excitement.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
here all these young chassidish couples are moving from Brooklyn, without working an ounce as hard as I do, without taking responsibility for any finances or anything and they're all getting stunning brand new homes while I have to settle bec I can't get better.

I feel your pain. However, please realize that even if it seems like it, Hashem is the one running the show. It says: Bais Ploni Lploni, No one can take away a home that is meant for you. And otoh, you can't get a house that is not destined for you either.
Please fargin those other people, you don't know anything about their life, just that they have a nice big house. In that merit may you soon move into a nice new beautiful spacious and lovely home that you will enjoy for years to come.
Wishing you only goodness and happiness.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:50 am
Thanks, yes 100% I'm aware that will get what's destined for us but we have to also do hishtadlus and if we say no to this we may very well realistically lose it. I also do know somewhat what's going on with the houses situation here and it's painful that most ppl I know are either getting brand new homes or getting older homes for much cheaper. The real estate agent made it sound like they're not getting more for their money when you take all factors into account. I just want a nice new home, I don't want an old 20 year old lived in townhouse that will have to be renovated. Why should I have to settle and then work forever to pay it off???
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amother




Lime


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:53 am
I dont want to sound unkind, but you are doing yourself a huge disservice by thinking about what others have.

Many, many, many women right here on this forum, would be delighted to have a parent willing to buy them a house. Or even pay a down payment.

If you want in this neighborhood, and this is what you can realistically afford after years of looking, and the agent has gotten you a good deal, I think you should work on your state of mind and happily go into it. It doesnt matter one bit what others are getting, or how much harder you've worked. Don't miss out on something good because you want something unattainable. A fresh coat of paint, curtains, rugs, and such can make a difference.
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Sep 24 2019, 10:57 am
OP did you look into Jackson?

These young couples may be buying homes they can't really afford.
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