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Pearl studs on shidduch photo?
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Oct 08 2019, 1:47 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Of course not. I will do my research like usual. However, it just gave me pause and made me wonder if it's suitable that's all.


On the off chance that this is my daughter, please say no. No judgement but our families clearly have different values (by which I don't mean fashion values) and won't get along.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Tue, Oct 08 2019, 1:55 pm
Oh! Bein hazmanim Banging head
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Oct 08 2019, 2:59 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
Yes. I have lots of jewellery (real and fashion) but many times when I want a classy look I end up wearing pearl studs. And I consider myself put together.
(But I’m not trendy)
To all posters: this site is meant to be friendly. OP just wants to ask a question, the way she would ask her mother- nothing wrong.
Let the mom and mom in law shaming stop.
She didn’t say she wouldn’t do the shidduch. She’s just asking your opinion about stud earrings , wouldnt you ask your mom/ sister ? Even stupid questions/ observations?


You got the wrong website
This is ImaMother
Come for the recipes
Stay for the catfights
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amother




Crimson


Post  Tue, Oct 08 2019, 4:01 pm
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
Amothers are up in arms because OP sounded judgmental herself. She didn’t just come on with a request for info as in “ Are pearl studs in fashion now for yeshivish working girls?” which would have generated ordinary responses yes, no, only south of the 54th parallel on alternate Wednesdays in October, etc. But OP was very clearly considering this girl’s choice of (modest, classic, non-attention-getting) jewelry as a strike against her suitability as a potential bride for her son. The shallowness, ignorance and injustice of her values is what got people riled, not her lack of fashion savvy. Imas, do you agree?

To me it sounded like she just wants a girl that dresses in style and put together.
I personally love pearls. But I get it that she thought maybe it’s Bubbish from her grandmother’s type of stylish.
They’re not, they’re classic. That’s the only answer she needed to hear.
Not fair to both boy and girl to set them up if girl doesn’t care for dressing beautifully and to the boy it matters.
I have a relative like that, she just doesn’t care, and he does. Both wonderful people, but not so compatible.
Would we answer the same way if she asked about two braids? Maybe to her pearls are not that different...... innocent question.
Anyway was probably some misunderstanding or misinterpretation along the way.
Gmar chatima Tova to all Imas!
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 6:31 pm
I thiink the OP is very considerate in caring what type of girl her son actually wants. If a fashionable girl is important, help him find her. I have no idea if pearl studs are fashionable are not among yeshivish girls so I can't answer that. However, if a girl is fashionable and put together should be pretty obvious from meeting in person, or by asking questions of people who know her.
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ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:31 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
You got the wrong website
This is ImaMother
Come for the recipes
Stay for the catfights

Naturalmom, you made me laugh! LOL
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amother




Peach


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 9:01 pm
Raisin wrote:
I thiink the OP is very considerate in caring what type of girl her son actually wants. If a fashionable girl is important, help him find her. I have no idea if pearl studs are fashionable are not among yeshivish girls so I can't answer that. However, if a girl is fashionable and put together should be pretty obvious from meeting in person, or by asking questions of people who know her.

However, "fashionable" to a boy might mean something different than "fashionable" means to his mother.

Additionally, as many pointed out, the girl's photograph is a poor way of finding out this information. Better just ask a reference if the girl is fashionable or not.
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Simple1




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 9:17 pm
It's one thing to want someone fashionable. But earrings is such a minute detail and only noticed if you're really scrutinizing the photo - and as others mentioned this is why there is a reluctance to send pictures.
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 9:20 pm
Raisin wrote:
I thiink the OP is very considerate in caring what type of girl her son actually wants. If a fashionable girl is important, help him find her. I have no idea if pearl studs are fashionable are not among yeshivish girls so I can't answer that. However, if a girl is fashionable and put together should be pretty obvious from meeting in person, or by asking questions of people who know her.

Or that's what the mother wants in a daughter in law or the mother thinks her son wants it or the mother and son define fashionable differently. Many possibilities here.
But yes, OP was poorly worded.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Wed, Oct 09 2019, 11:16 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
You got the wrong website
This is ImaMother
Come for the recipes
Stay for the catfights


This should be our mission statement.

Love love love it!!
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sneakermom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 12:11 am
Ruchel wrote:
I am back, lo alenu, from the cemetery for my father's shiva end. I wore what I wore during shiva. I still had the uber guy on my back. GUYS DONT CARE GUYS DONT CARE it's some sick mothers (and a few sick guys).


BDE
Hamakom yenachem eschem b’soch shar aveili tzion yerushalayim

Wishing you a year of good news and nachas
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chayamo




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 10:19 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
You got the wrong website
This is ImaMother
Come for the recipes
Stay for the catfights


Am I crazy? I always thought I’d was “I’m a mother” not “ima mother” 🙈🙈😂
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 10:21 am
chayamo wrote:
Am I crazy? I always thought I’d was “I’m a mother” not “ima mother” 🙈🙈😂


We've discussed this many times here. According to Yael, it is "I'm a mother" and not "Ima mother," but people can call it whatever they want Smile
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 11:08 am
If the boy wants a fashionable girl, then he should know fashion. He should be able to tell his mom if pearl earrings are in or not.

If the boy has no idea about fashion, then it's kind of ridiculous to want a fashionable girl.

I also hope the boy knows that a fashionable girl will need money to remain fashionable.
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urban gypsy




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 11:10 am
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
If the boy wants a fashionable girl, then he should know fashion. He should be able to tell his mom if pearl earrings are in or not.

If the boy has no idea about fashion, then it's kind of ridiculous to want a fashionable girl.

I also hope the boy knows that a fashionable girl will need money to remain fashionable.


This is the best post of the thread!
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studying_torah




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 11:12 am
Ruchel I somehow missed your post, I'm so sorry for your loss.
May the new year bring nechama to you & your family.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:05 pm
urban gypsy wrote:
This is the best post of the thread!

I strongly disagree.
Many Frum boys watch themselves and try their best not to look at other women and for sure not at magazines.
He may still want a fashionable wife for himself.
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:08 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
If the boy wants a fashionable girl, then he should know fashion. He should be able to tell his mom if pearl earrings are in or not.

If the boy has no idea about fashion, then it's kind of ridiculous to want a fashionable girl.

I also hope the boy knows that a fashionable girl will need money to remain fashionable.


not necessarily true. Maybe not fashionable according to vogue, but to be put together doesn't necessaily take a lot of money. I know women with very little money who always look great.
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urban gypsy




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:11 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
I strongly disagree.
Many Frum boys watch themselves and try their best not to look at other women and for sure not at magazines.
He may still want a fashionable wife for himself.


Are you confusing fashionable and hot?
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amother




Pewter


Post  Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:13 pm
I'm a BT who never went through shidduchim. (DH and I became frum together after marriage). I really don't know how I will handle shidduchim for my children. I'm baffled by such a question. I don't think I have any ability to navigate a system where a girl takes a picture and then is deemed "not put together" because she is wearing pearl studs. This is not meant to bash you, OP. Just saying, I feel like I don't live on the same planet.
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