Pearl studs on shidduch photo?

amother

Copper

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:34 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I strongly disagree.
Many Frum boys watch themselves and try their best not to look at other women and for sure not at magazines.
He may still want a fashionable wife for himself.

How can he want a fashionable wife if he doesn't know what's fashionable????
How can he even care about fashion if he never looks at women's clothes?

There's a huge difference between wanting an attractive wife and a fashionable one.

chanatron1000

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:44 pm

The only way it makes sense for a man to specifically want a fashionable wife is if he thinks there are other traits that correlate with being fashionable. Otherwise, it should make no difference to him whether his wife keeps up with current trends or not.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:45 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

Are you confusing fashionable and hot?

Some want fashionable. I don’t mean vogue fashionable but there are certain unwritten rules and “fashions” in the frum world.
Some boys want that, because girls who follow “Jewish fashion” are considered “put together”.
And OP wanted to know if In “Jewish fashion” (yeshivish) pearls are “in” or not.
Bec if they’re not she may look nice in pic just bec she’s pretty but in real life she might wear I-don’t-care type of stuff etc and always look like she’s on her way to the gym or like his grandma when she was her age.
Get it?

amother

Peach

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:49 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

And you think you can tell that info from a single Shidduch picture? What if she had borrowed super-trendy earrings from a friend? Now you'd think she IS trendy when she isn't!

Just call up a reference and you can easily find out if she dresses stylish on a regular basis.

But before you do that, make sure your son actually cares. Clarify exactly what he means when he says that he wants her to look "fashionable." Not dressing like someone his mother's age? Trendy enough so she's a good trophy wife? Matching with the pictures in the magazines he reads in the bathroom? Dressed like his sisters?

urban gypsy

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:52 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Yikes if you say so Confused

I guess what you and OP really mean is, "someone who looks exactly like everyone else in shul and won't embarrass me"..... basically someone who keeps community rules of tznius and is a follower who doesn't stick out

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:54 pm

[quote="amother [ Peach ]"]And you think you can tell that info from a single Shidduch picture? What if she had borrowed super-trendy earrings from a friend? Now you'd think she IS trendy when she isn't!

If she borrowed from a friend it means she knows what’s in and what to borrow and she knows how to dress put together!!!
Not saying I want to pay for all the stuff she’ll need after marriage, but if he wants, borrowing the earrings from a friend is not at all a problem lol.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:02 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

Yikes if you say so Confused

Lol you’re on the right track!
I happen to dance to my own tune myself.
I don’t have much time and patience for all the trends but I make sure to keep an eye out not to stick out too much or dress too off/ outdated.
My hub isn’t into fashion and cares more for classy type of nice, but I know he enjoys that I dress myself and my girls “put together” and respectable and that I know what the fashions ARE.

amother

Navy

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:04 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Better than calling a reference to check is she is trendy, stalk her.
Check out what she wears to work, the supermarket, the gym-does she go?, Shul, and out with friends.
You can't trust someone else's opinion, what if her references don't have the same fashion sense as you?

Clearly both you and any potential DIL are both in town, as OOTs don't have "that sense of style " so stalking her should not be too hard.

amother

Peach

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:05 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

If she borrowed from a friend it means she knows what’s in and what to borrow and she knows how to dress put together!!!
Not saying I want to pay for all the stuff she’ll need after marriage, but if he wants, borrowing the earrings from a friend is not at all a problem lol.

Lots of assumptions here.

The girl forgot to wear earrings at all that day, and asked her best friend if she could use hers for the picture.
The friend offered the earrings so she'll look more in style.
The earrings were out of style when she bought them, but came into fashion.
She bought them having no idea that they were the latest.

Or, with non-stylish earrings:
She had to spend the night at the hospital with a relative and didn't have time to get dressed properly for the pictures.
She lent her own stylish earrings to a friend so she wouldn't be embarrassed.
Her pretty dangles broke and she needed to wear something.

Micro-analyzing a shidduch photo is dehumanizing and likely misleading.

Preference #1: Let the guy meet her and decide for HIMSELF if she is sufficiently stylish for his tastes.

Preference #2: When you call the references, ask them to rate her stylishness on a scale from 1-10.

amother

Copper

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:06 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

My hub isn’t into fashion and cares more for classy type of nice, but I know he enjoys that I dress myself and my girls “put together” and respectable and that I know what the fashions ARE.

I don't understand this. Does he know what the fashions are?
If pleated skirts are out this year, and your girls all arrive at shul in new, pretty, pleated skirts, will he notice that THE 'it' girls in shul are NOT wearing pleated skirts this year?

I honestly don't understand how this thing works, for a man to davka want a fashionable wife if he has no idea what is in style. How can he enjoy a fashionable wife if he doesn't know if her clothes are 'so last year' or not? Does he call his sister to ask what's in?

urban gypsy

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:10 pm

I would venture to say that frum "fashions" are not always fashionable
Just part of the cyclical nature of trends that keep the frum stores in business
I just can't fathom the degree of conformity that would be concerned over whether pearl earrings are allowed or whether they would be an object of ridicule in shul

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:20 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

😂😂😂

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:30 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

NO HE DOESN’T.
But he’s happy that I do!
That’s exactly what I’m saying.
He’s happy that his daughters (and wife!) don’t look nerdy and outdated among their friends even though they’re still too young to shop themselves.
It’s not a mitzva to dress outdated.
He even told me “For me, if you want to dress nice in something special, I like xyz (irrelevant), but when you go with your friends please wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.”
And he’s happy about the fact that I make sure our girls don’t look ‘nerdy’.

amother

Peach

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:37 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Wait, so YOU tell him that your kids are not nerdy looking?
Because HE has no clue himself, right?

So he isn't happy that his wife and kids are in style, but that he has a wife that TELLS HIM that they are.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:45 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Correct.
And that our daughters feel comfortable and are popular (yes they all are, and yes at their preteen age it makes a difference).
Again, we don’t run after trends, but fir example the uniform skirt is 4 inches below the knee, not 14.
P.S. if someone has a minhag to wear longer I’m not talking about that! I’m talking about longer that looks nebby just out of cluelessness and out of not knowing how to dress put-together.
Which is perfectly fine to many people!
But if her son wants put together, she’s allowed to find out!

amother

Peach

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:58 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

So why can't you just tell your DH that your kids look great, and he won't know the difference or care?

Just trying to figure out how exactly your stylishness or lack thereof impacts him.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 3:06 pm

I still don't get how something as classic as a pearl stud could hint to not being a put together person.
I'm lost. Truly.
If she were wearing some earrings that looked like she made them at a bead store, ok. Maybe odd. Maybe eccentric.
But a pearl stud?
Classic. Tasteful. Understated.
Not put together???
Well, maybe I live under a rock. But I like it there.