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Potty training for months, 2.5 yo still having accidents

 
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 9:33 am
Advice from the seasoned potty trainers please:

I potty trained (for awake time) my 2.75 year old about 6 months ago. Initially he caught on in about two weeks and was doing pretty well for two months. He never seemed to fully catch on about telling us when he needed to go, so even when he was more or less accident-free, it was more that we were frequently taking him to the bathroom.

Then he started having accidents more often. At this point he seems to have lost the plot completely much of the time. He frequently has accidents once or twice a day, including poop, which he was initially very good about. The accidents don’t seem to bother him much besides him being aware that his parents aren’t happy. He doesn’t usually come to tell us or specifically want to change his underwear.

He’s had a lot of changes since we started - starting playgroup, new baby, moving in and out of my parents’ house for yomim tovim, moving soon - and I know these often cause regressions. Regardless of the cause, I’m at my wits end. Where do I go from here? Just continue along despite the fact that he doesn’t seem to be improving at all, in fact, very much the opposite? Put him in diapers and try to “reset” the process, potty train from the beginning again? Put him in diapers and wait for him initiate? Keep him in underwear but attempt to potty train from the beginning again - no underwear for a few days, etc?

He is a very smart, very verbal kid who clearly understands the concept, and isn’t afraid to use the toilet. He’s not even a particularly stubborn toddler, as toddlers go. He just doesn’t seem to care very much about whether he gets to the toilet or not.

Any advice? Experienced potty trainers only please!
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amother




Red


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 9:36 am
Put him back in diapers. He can understand and know, and not be scared Yada yada. But he’s not ready. Don’t push it and him associate the bathroom with negativity. Try in a few months. It should go easily and shouldn’t be you dragging him all day to the bathroom.
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 9:42 am
amother [ Red ] wrote:
Put him back in diapers. He can understand and know, and not be scared Yada yada. But he’s not ready. Don’t push it and him associate the bathroom with negativity. Try in a few months. It should go easily and shouldn’t be you dragging him all day to the bathroom.


At what point would you try again?
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 9:47 am
A child who needs frequent reminders and to be taken to the toilet is not toilet trained. The point is they should be aware of the urge to go and then go or sometimes when they are little for some reason they feel the need to tell their mother "I need to go!" and she says, "So go!"

Your child is young and went through many changes. I would drop the whole thing and try again right when everything is settled and before he turns 3 and starting to wear a yarmulke and getting to be a "big boy". That will probably motivate him.
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amother




Denim


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 9:56 am
You trained him too early, he was not ready yet. Put him back in daipers for another couple of months and then try again when he turns 3 or you see he's ready.
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cuffs




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:06 am
I would put him back in diapers for about a month or 2 and retoilet train again as if from new. It will go much faster the 2nd time around. It's your only option because toilet training has to be positive and if he feels pressured or stressed about it it wont work
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amother




Yellow


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:48 am
I would put him back in diapers. He is not ready yet. Try again when he turns 3 or a little after that. My toilet train my kids a bit after 3,. ( One closer to four) my son turned 3 in August and I am planning on toilet training him in the next few weeks.
If they are 100% ready they will get the concept, and to no one to go. By me it was literally a one-day deal.

ETA.
the one son who I toilet trained closer to 4, was because he was not ready when he turned 3, we were living by my parents and we had too much going on and then we moved and I knew that it would not work. So I just waited until I had a full week to deal with and it was a one day deal because he was so ready.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:54 am
Just want to say hugs. It can be so frustrating!!!
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smss




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:03 am
Could be constipation. (Even if he is having daily poops and even if they are sometimes runny.)
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 11:53 am
Training should not take months. If it's taking that long, it means you started too soon. Also, it's very, very common for boys not to be ready till after three. When they're actually ready, they get the hang of it in a few days.

Also, cleaning up a kid who's soiled his underwear is a lot more complicated (and a lot more gross) than changing a soiled diaper, so of course if he's having frequent accidents in his underwear, you're going to feel more frustrated. If you go back to diapers till after his birthday, you'll probably cut the frustration by a lot, which will put you in a better frame of mind when you try again.
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Yummymummy3




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 12:15 pm
In my opinion you should go back to diapers at least until after you've moved and settled down.
Good luck.
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ddmom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:05 pm
Try again a week before his 3rd bithday.
When they're ready, it doesn't take more than 2 days!
Give lots and lots of drinks, ices on the day you're training so he asks you to go!
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amother




OP


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:27 pm
Thanks all, I appreciate the advice. Seems to be unanimous too Smile
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dee's mommy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:51 pm
I just went through potty training my almost four year old. I had been trying for over a year to train him, and was also at my wits end. At long last, we did two things to improve the situation:

Like you, he was having number 2 accidents almost daily. We finally took him to the doctor, and it turns out the reason for the accidents were constipation. Once we got that solved, things moved on a lot quicker.

The other major thing we did was apply the method from the book "Oh Cr-p, Potty Training." Within a month, we considered him to be trained. Please read the book. It is very hard core, but it worked for us. Some things that are mentioned in there: the prime time to toilet train is between 20 to 30 months. We were much later, but it sounds like you are in the right timeline. There are several different stages, or blocks of toilet training, but the first and most important idea is to get rid of the diapers, then go through all the blocks. (1)child is bottomless while you watch him, 2) child wears pants but no underwear, 3)child wears pants but no underwear and is able to go on outings, 4)wearing underwear, 5)Consistently self initiating, 6)Night/ naptime trained. This does not do a good job summing up the book, but I highly recommend it. It is worth the purchase.

The changes you have mentioned may be connected to the accidents.

https://www.jamieglowacki.com/.....ining

https://www.amazon.ca/Oh-****-.....22983
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 7:57 pm
dee's mommy wrote:
I just went through potty training my almost four year old. I had been trying for over a year to train him, and was also at my wits end. At long last, we did two things to improve the situation:

Like you, he was having number 2 accidents almost daily. We finally took him to the doctor, and it turns out the reason for the accidents were constipation. Once we got that solved, things moved on a lot quicker.

The other major thing we did was apply the method from the book "Oh Cr-p, Potty Training." Within a month, we considered him to be trained. Please read the book. It is very hard core, but it worked for us. Some things that are mentioned in there: the prime time to toilet train is between 20 to 30 months. We were much later, but it sounds like you are in the right timeline. There are several different stages, or blocks of toilet training, but the first and most important idea is to get rid of the diapers, then go through all the blocks. (1)child is bottomless while you watch him, 2) child wears pants but no underwear, 3)child wears pants but no underwear and is able to go on outings, 4)wearing underwear, 5)Consistently self initiating, 6)Night/ naptime trained. This does not do a good job summing up the book, but I highly recommend it. It is worth the purchase.

The changes you have mentioned may be connected to the accidents.

https://www.jamieglowacki.com/.....ining

https://www.amazon.ca/Oh-****-Potty-Training-Everything/dp/1501122983


Thank you! Believe it or not I actually have that book, but I got it when we were already many months in and I didn’t see a practical way to implement it once he was already “trained.” Now that he’s back in diapers, I hope to use that method when we try again. She actually has a chapter on putting a kid back in diapers for two weeks to reset the process, have to read it again...

Would be interested to hear people’s feedback - now that we put him in diapers, he’s narrating his entire peeing and pooping process all day. I’m really hoping we are not causing an actual regression by doing this! It feels so strange to tell him “ok, so pee in your diaper” when he says he’s going to pee, after months of bringing him to the bathroom. I’m just not sure how we will know when he is ready to start using the toilet again.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 8:41 pm
Why don’t you put him in pull ups so if he wants to use the potty he can. But the pressure is off.
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 8:54 pm
Gluten and dairy intolerance can cause sensory dysfunction leading kids to not be able to fully feel sensation in their bladder and bowel. Cutting out those foods groups can help immensely with the potty training process.
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dee's mommy




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Oct 26 2019, 11:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you! Believe it or not I actually have that book, but I got it when we were already many months in and I didn’t see a practical way to implement it once he was already “trained.” Now that he’s back in diapers, I hope to use that method when we try again. She actually has a chapter on putting a kid back in diapers for two weeks to reset the process, have to read it again...

Would be interested to hear people’s feedback - now that we put him in diapers, he’s narrating his entire peeing and pooping process all day. I’m really hoping we are not causing an actual regression by doing this! It feels so strange to tell him “ok, so pee in your diaper” when he says he’s going to pee, after months of bringing him to the bathroom. I’m just not sure how we will know when he is ready to start using the toilet again.


Good, you have the book! Do read it. I am not familiar with the reset chapter, because I never referred back to it again, my son being too old. It may or may not be applicable to your child. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in favour of putting the child back in diapers. I think you will be going through all the blocks of training, but it may not take so long.

Also, I have not contacted the author, but you may wish to. (It is possible through her own website, or facebook.)
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