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Life's Challenging! What keeps you going? Tips wanted
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 7:57 pm
Life is full of challenges. When you feel stressed, what strategies do you do to keep you sane and swimming above the waters?
When you feel depleted of energy, what's your pick-me-up?
I see lots of posts about Self care.
Financial struggle is a major challenge for us, so I cant indulge in shopping therapy, vacations, going out for lunch, manicures and pedicures, massages...
When I feel down, I'm not in the mood of listening to hotlines or reading books.
I don't wanna speak to people- friends...
I don't enjoy wallowing in my pain either.
What can I do to keep myself from drowning deep in the ocean?
My DH is depressed, he doesn't eat all day. We're going through Several major crisis right now.
I feel like throwing in the towel...
But I wanna continue and thrive for myself, my DH and my kids sake.

BTW, No family or friends can't help out. Not financially or anything else we need.

Where can we turn for guidance and real support?

THIS IS NOT A VENT. I WANT TO HEAR THE COPING SKILLS YOU USE DURING YOUR TRYING MOMENTS?
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1ofbillions




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 8:56 pm
I journal, cry my eyes out, take long baths and long drives, and talk to God openly and honestly.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:05 pm
1. Proactive inspiration. Before I am drowning, while I am feeling okay, THAT is the time to listen to the hotlines and learn Seforim inside about emunah or Tefillah. During the actual crisis I won't be able to muster enough energy for that, but if the concepts are already part of me, they can make the challenge slightly easier... over time, the hope is that they will help more significantly.

2. Echoing 1ofbillions, journaling. I like to type and not write by hand, but the idea is the same. Express yourself, your fears, your anger, and your tension in words. It will help you feel heard and help you clarify what is really bothering you. Perhaps you may even find some solutions... but even if you don't, you will have some relief.

3. Find a comfy spot to retreat to. That could be your bedroom, the porch, the car, or the bathroom. Try to make it even more cozy, by adding a pillow, a book, or chocolate. Take at least 5 minutes a day to give yourself a mini vacation there, and spend that time thinking good thoughts or distracting yourself from worries. Make it a tension-free zone!

4. Self-done acupressure. There are pressure points that can help relieve anxiety (google is your friend for this).

5. Post on Imamother! It can help to be heard and validated, without the commitment of an IRL relationship.

6. Daven!
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amother




Peach


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:18 pm
Finding supportive posters on Imamother has helped me a lot.

Journaling. I threw out several journals from a few years ago, since I did not want to relive all the misery that was written in them (not to mention that I didn't want anyone else to find them). But I do get it all out on paper, and somehow it helps.

Davening and tehillim, if I'm okay enough for that.

Exercise. Walking.

Calling a friend.

Singing. Listening to music.

Taking a bubble bath.

Smelling nice scents. Putting on a perfume that I like.

Idk... I'm in the same boat a lot, and I haven't practiced enough self-care.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Life is full of challenges. When you feel stressed, what strategies do you do to keep you sane and swimming above the waters?
When you feel depleted of energy, what's your pick-me-up?
I see lots of posts about Self care.
Financial struggle is a major challenge for us, so I cant indulge in shopping therapy, vacations, going out for lunch, manicures and pedicures, massages...
When I feel down, I'm not in the mood of listening to hotlines or reading books.
I don't wanna speak to people- friends...
I don't enjoy wallowing in my pain either.
What can I do to keep myself from drowning deep in the ocean?
My DH is depressed, he doesn't eat all day. We're going through Several major crisis right now.
I feel like throwing in the towel...
But I wanna continue and thrive for myself, my DH and my kids sake.

BTW, No family or friends can't help out. Not financially or anything else we need.

Where can we turn for guidance and real support?

THIS IS NOT A VENT. I WANT TO HEAR THE COPING SKILLS YOU USE DURING YOUR TRYING MOMENTS?


The only thing that can help is turning to Hashem (He’s calling you by giving you problems) and learning about emunah. It’s a lifesaver, literally.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:30 pm
In the crisis when I dont fail its all bc of acceptance. It is what it is. I am falling apart. Things are falling apart and thats what it is. Acceptance of both the part that is fighting reality and the inner critic who is having a field day -and then allow myself to be dysfunctional. This allowance helps me to ride the wave and hopefully those dips last shorter.
Of course acceptance leads to, “only You can help Hashem.” But sometimes I need to sit in acceptance for a while.

Breaking out if isolation and reaching out to others definitely helps. But sometimes allowing the dysfunction and hopelessness and accepting it without judgement- is all I can do.


Not sure I should post this bc on rereading your title you sound stronger and need more active and actionable steps , from someone stronger than me. But perhaps this will help one of the other posters.
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:43 pm
Last 2 weeks this has got me going “we’re being challenged, but we’ll get through this”. Said by attending oncologist (I think he’s in his 80s and though I usually scoff at ‘chizuk words’ from drs etc, this somehow got me & is constantly playing in my mind)
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 12:58 am
Wow, such powerful ideas.
I will try to incorporate some of them.into my routine now.
Journaling used to be my go to in the past. It was so therapeutic, I long forgot this. I will start it again. Thanks for the reminder.
I will take bubble baths, haven't done it in a long long time.
Though I feel disconnected and numb to my emotions (I squash them, otherwise I have a hard time dealing with them), it definitely comes out in physical pain. I'm suffering from back and foot pain. I am not always in the mood of davening or saying Tehillim (um, did I just say it out loud?) Though I do talk to Hashem constantly in my own words and say how I feel and ask for HIS help and emotional support.

I really appreciate all who are vulnerable anough to open up and give your amazing ideas. Keep them coming.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 1:01 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Last 2 weeks this has got me going “we’re being challenged, but we’ll get through this”. Said by attending oncologist (I think he’s in his 80s and though I usually scoff at ‘chizuk words’ from drs etc, this somehow got me & is constantly playing in my mind)

May you have a Refuah Sheleima Bkorov.
I too have seen many open Miracles in the past, where Doctors said negative stuff and bh it turned out much better.
Thinking about these Miracles keep me going.
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 2:42 am
Great ideas, Thanks Ladies!
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Yummymummy3




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 3:15 am
Im sorry for all the many challenges that you are going through.
I have a host of things that I do when I'm struggling.
The first thing is that I allow myself to be sad and to struggle. I don't beat myself up for that. This makes the world of difference for me.
I find that writing gratitudes helps me a lot.
Push myself for a walk even though its the last thing I want to do.
Bake some yummy cakes for someone else.
Journal.
Do a puzzle.
Have a nice hot bath.
Reach out to a friend - I rarely do this as I don't like to 'use' my friends
Recently Tehillim has been a help for me too.

Good luck with it all.
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 3:40 am
I'm so sorry for the challenges you're going through.

I have some tricks that help me- loooong soothing bath, long walk, painting, organizing, reading. The best distraction is doing something for someone else. It get's me out of my head.

But what really keeps me calm, focused, and ok is accepting my innability to control a situation or other people and believing that god is taking care of me in areas where I can't help myself. The analogy that's working for me lately is: my kids get into the car without knowing where we're going. They're not afraid. They know I love them and trust me to take care of them. I say hop in, and they do. I try to channel this trust. God's at the wheel. I know he loves me and is doing what's best for me. I give up control of the things I have no control over, hand them back to god, and think about what is in my control. Sometimes there are actions I can take, but usually the only thing I can control is my reaction.
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Aylat




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 4:18 am
Nature. Getting outside somewhere beautiful.

Music, either relaxing or empowering depending on my mood.

Doing something creative. Adult colouring book.
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amother




Lilac


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 4:31 am
I always look at how good things are - the proverbial count your blessings. I see the good no matter what. I look at the times we're live in. No one is marching us off to gas chambers.

I am facing an upcoming high risk operation with co-morbid conditions. I face paralysis if I don't have the operation and death if I do. I am happy because whatever the outcome is, it's in Hashem's hand.

Look to the good on your situation. There always is good. Like another poster said, I love being able to help out others. As long as I can, I l will continue to do so.
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jflower




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 5:40 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Last 2 weeks this has got me going “we’re being challenged, but we’ll get through this”. Said by attending oncologist (I think he’s in his 80s and though I usually scoff at ‘chizuk words’ from drs etc, this somehow got me & is constantly playing in my mind)


Floralwhite, wishing you a refuah shelaima. I hope very soon you'll look back and see that your doctor's words came true. Thanks for posting.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 5:50 am
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
1. Proactive inspiration. Before I am drowning, while I am feeling okay, THAT is the time to listen to the hotlines and learn Seforim inside about emunah or Tefillah. During the actual crisis I won't be able to muster enough energy for that, but if the concepts are already part of me, they can make the challenge slightly easier... over time, the hope is that they will help more significantly.


When I daven (and yes, this is a tip), I say, please let these words become part of me. The words are tangible, they reflect concrete reality. And when things are tough I daven, please let me feel the truth of these words.

Another tip: Humor! However you find it. Daily jokes coming into your inbox, Jewlarious on Aish, Reader's Digest.com, brief YouTubes, etc. (I don't turn to YouTube much but I've stumbled on some Robin Williams Carson etc. appearances that are incredible.)

There's an interesting reality: People who find themselves in medical challenges will of course do the necessary medical hishtadlus, but they will often find themselves growing more and more spiritual and that's what gets them through.

People going through emotional challenges of course need to address the challenges, and seek spiritual succor. But there is a whole different form of areas that will be helpful for copin and that's why people are suggesting pampering, etc. Take care of your body. Try to eat and sleep well and exercise. And this is why I suggest humor. It's good for the mind and body.

Hugs and hatzlacha!
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:04 am
jflower wrote:
Floralwhite, wishing you a refuah shelaima. I hope very soon you'll look back and see that your doctor's words came true. Thanks for posting.

Amen! Tnx. My child is the patient but I’ll take the bracha Smile
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gamzehyaavor




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:07 am
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
I always look at how good things are - the proverbial count your blessings. I see the good no matter what. I look at the times we're live in. No one is marching us off to gas chambers.

I am facing an upcoming high risk operation with co-morbid conditions. I face paralysis if I don't have the operation and death if I do. I am happy because whatever the outcome is, it's in Hashem's hand.

Look to the good on your situation. There always is good. Like another poster said, I love being able to help out others. As long as I can, I l will continue to do so.

This is so inspirational. Thanks for sharing and may your surgery be with utmost success with no negative outcomes.
Refuah sheleima. If you feel comfortable you can pm me a name to daven or I can post an anonymous email address. Otherwise will just daven for lilac Wink
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 10:41 am
Hi appreciate all replies. Such great advice.
I didn't step of of my house in a while (besides for errands or appointments).
I'll try to incorporate a walk into my routine.

I am definitely sleep deprived, I'll try to make sure I get a nap during the day.

I will try to write down some gratitude stuff that I see throughout the day.

I do help out people alot. I have a gemach which is very active daily. I have to give if my time and self physically.
People really benefit from my free services.

Keep your ideas and tips coming, it's so encouraging and helpful.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Oct 28 2019, 11:02 am
Bumping up thread
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