Yichud room gift- average cost?

happinessseeker

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:17 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

32 Yrs ago so I’m sure things have changed
I got pearl necklace and matching earrings at the vort.
Before Mikvah I got a huge basket with a makeup set, perfume, small jewelry box, and a watch very nice but not fancy, also a robe and matching nightgown, slippers, an evening bag with money inside for the Mikvah.
I also got a leather siddur and Tehillim with my name engraved
For the Yichud room l got my diamond “engagement” ring

A Mikvah gift from your in laws? That seems awkward!

watergirl

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:22 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

A community norm is not a minhag. Don't give halachic status to something that has no religious standing.

No one is giving halachic status to anything. Not even sure what you mean by that. Pearls in the yichud room is not community norm, it is literally the custom (not minhag), or was the custom, for the yichud room across many communities. When I first got married, my group of friends were MO/YU/Just plain frum and everyone got peals. I went to a very yeshivish women's college and all of the kallahs got pearls in their yichud room as well. And the chassidim I know gave pearls as well.

Like I said, the custom comes from Eishes Chayil.

watergirl

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:23 pm

happinessseeker wrote:

A Mikvah gift from your in laws? That seems awkward!

The mikvah bag and purse with money for the mikvah is a sefardic custom. Very common and still done today. And every item she listed has a purpose for mikvah night. I think its a beautiful custom.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:32 pm

watergirl wrote:

Someone wrote that it's a minhag, and I objected to the use of the word. A minhag denotes a religious standing.

It's cute to say that pearls are mentioned in Eishes Chayil so that's why people give pearls, but that doesn't create an obligation.

Kallahs got pearls when pearls were the fashion. Then they got diamonds, next they'll get emeralds. Who knows?

Tiredmom7

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 2:27 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

I actually think that is an appropriate beautiful gift!

amother

Crimson

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 3:39 pm

twogees wrote:

My husband asked me what I wanted and said anything but Pearl's. I personally don't like pearls so I got earrings instead.

I wish. Not to be ungrateful because my DH is always giving me gifts and jewelry but I wish someone would have asked me first because I got pearls and really dislike pearls so I never wear that necklace. It’s funny cuz I used to always tell my sister (even before I met my husband) remember to tell them I don’t like pearls. It’s funny cuz her MIL actually called me when they were engaged to see what yichud room gift she would like but I guess no one ever called my sister when I was engaged to ask. Smile

My DH knows I don’t like the necklace and I wonder if it will just continue to collect dust or if we could sell it? I don’t want to be rude and ask him if we can do that but I feel like the gift is not even sentimental to me...is that terrible?

mlc

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 3:42 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Most people are not doing pearls nowadays. A heart pendant or diamond solitaire necklace is much more common (get a small diamond with crushed diamonds all around it to make it look bigger for like $1,000-1,200).

This is what I’m seeing.

(Pearls were more common a while back but it’s shifted to diamonds being majority over a few years)

amother

Peach

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 5:03 pm

When I got married 10 yrs ago pearls were the norm but I hate pearls so told my then chassan I dont like pearls so I dont want it. My mil buys a watch during engagement for her dil’s so I gave up the watch to get diamond necklace instead of pearls. I do see since then diamond necklaces have become more popular yichud gift

amother

Maroon

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 5:53 pm

I didn't get a present in the yichud room. For my wedding, I got my husband.
I got an engagement ring when we got engaged, a wedding band under he chuppah. My in laws, for my birthday, which was 2 weeks after we got engaged, got me a beautiful gold bracelet. I got my chattan a watch as an engagement present. My parents bought me my shaital, and my husband his Shabbos Tallis and his kittel.
Our parents (both) paid for our wedding. We paid for our rent/food/furnishings (my grandparents gave us a generous check for our wedding which helped afford the couch and dinette set.)
I do not get presents for YT, but I have plenty of jewelry and he gifts me very generously.

When I read these threads I feel like someone-maybe you, maybe me, but someone is an alien.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 6:23 pm

So there I am in line in Kosher Kishkush or Gevaldig Gourmand and all these kollel kallahs with their rocks of Gibraltar in their fingers, diamond tennis bracelets and diamond heart pendants are paying for groceries with WIC and food stamps. What’s wrong with this picture?

Yes, I do know that some of them may be wearing CZ or rhinestones, but even so, what does that tell you about their values?

Nobody told them it’s vulgar to wear diamonds during the day.

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 12:27 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

It is definitely not vulgar to wear diamonds during the day. If you have them, why not enjoy them. (coming from a jeweler and a diamond trade family) Now, wearing diamonds while on food stamps just lets you see their "priorities" its their life anyway. Just saying...

LovesHashem

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:15 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

We don't judge.
Some people fall on harder times and it's hard to sell your jewelry.
I cannot imagine selling my jewelry no matter what happens. It's sentimental and you sell it for less than it's worth and you can't get it back.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:31 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

It shows a lack of something when frum women wear their diamonds to get social services. The non-- Jews are not showing up dripping with diamonds.

amother

Bronze

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:46 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I don't understand how people come up with this kind of money. Wedding expenses. Expenses of starting out / furnishing a new home. Engagement ring, wedding ring, watch for the man, sheitels, and heaven knows what I'm leaving out. Multiplied by 4 or 6 or more kids.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:51 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Debt?
Refinance your home and take out a 30 year mortgage in your 50s?
Rob a bank?
Sell a kidney?
The options are endless.

watergirl

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:58 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

I've been at the mikvah more than once and heard a woman talking to the front desk attendant a bit too loudly, asking what the kollel discount is or telling the woman that she needs a reduced fee. And then the woman sits in the waiting room and is wearing her kallah jewelry (the waiting room and mikvah where I live is relaxed, people chit chat and are comfortable with each other). This post and the post about the women who was gifted a wallet full of money for mikvah is a reminder to me at least, that more important than those bracelets and heart necklaces is the money so many women NEED at this stage of their lives. Now, I realize that of course in many cultures, the idea of the MIL paying for her daughter's mikvah is icky. Just something I'm stewing over from these posts. Where are we spending our money, and where SHOULD we be spending it?