Do you know anyone who got married frum after going OTD? How

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amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:49 am

I have a single female relative who went OTD and would return to being frum, but is hesitant to come back to frumkeit because they think no one would want to marry them with their OTD history. They feel theyd just be looked at like a reject in Shidduchim.

How do formerly OTD people find marriage partners? I assume most Shadchanim dont want to deal with them. Who does?

Who marries "returnees" who were FFB and OTD for a number of years?

Do you know anyone FFB who was OTD and came back, and got married?

**** Alert: Please, no saying that being frum has to come from the heart and whether they do or dont get married shouldnt be a factor in coming back or not coming back to frumkeit.

If we're honest, many of us frum people, come to the decision to be frum or stay frum on the benefits, and not because of a relationship with Hashem. No judgementalism or lectures or Mussar please. Im just looking for real experiences.

How do formerly OTD people who got married frum, find Shidduchim?

amother

Khaki

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:53 am

I married my husband after we had both done our own “OTD” thing. We were set up by a shadchan, but she is related to one of us and knows the other very well. It wasn’t some random shadchan who either of us sat down with and had to give our life’s story to.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:54 am

Yes, quite a few boys that I know. Some married girls that have been otd and came back and some married "regular" girls

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:58 am

Yes my brother. He was OTD for a few years and came back. He married an FFB girl who always stayed frum and never changed in her Yiddishkeit. I always forget he was OTD because he’s more ehrlich than before.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:01 pm

I have never seen a correlation between singles waiting to be married and their frumkeit levels in their past. If anything, those who had harder journeys are mature and more prepared for life through their working of struggles and seem to be equipped for marriage.

Wishing much luck to your relative Heart

amother

Peach

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:01 pm

I know a few such people. They either married someone like them who went otd and became frum again, or they married someone who was frum the whole time but didn't mind their background.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:05 pm

Believe it or not, there's a whole group of ppl that prefer such shidduchim as oppose to the regular. They believe that this guy has btdt and is more solid than others. That's what appeals to them. Usually their yiddishkeit and commitment is stronger than others.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

yes. We had a worker who was OTD. One day he showed up at my husband's business with his girlfriend looking for a job. He married, divorced her but remained very close to my husband and started keeping mitzvos. He worried and fretted about shidduchim. My husband told him to laugh it off, hashm has a plan for you.
He had real satisfaction from davening three times a day and eating kosher. He eventually starting learning a little bit every day. His first cousin redt him a girl who became frum together with her parents. They are happily married.

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:07 pm

I know a few. They married someone else who went OTD and came back, or they married a BT , or they married a ger.

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:07 pm

OP here.

Thanks for the encouragement!

The singles with a past who didnt have a relative who knew other formerly OTD people, who did they approach for Shidduch suggestions?

How would my relative get introduced to people?

naturalmom5

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:12 pm

You did ask for REAL life expierences
One benefit of going OTD and hopefully coming back is that you see
Yes , Virginia there is life outside the demented shiduch system
She can possibly find someone she really loves on her own and then return to true yiddiishkeit

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:20 pm

My chassidish classmate went OTD, she became yeshivish and married a yeshivish guy. She's more Frum than before.

amother

Coral

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:35 pm

I knew lots of these girls at Neve when I was there. They married boys who had gone OTD and come back. The Neve shadchanim made their shidduchim.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 12:45 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I think I am on the same page with this.

I don't understand why she can't show up at singles events for Orthodox singles. Why does she have to use a professional?

Maybe I am missing something but why can't she just being practicing again at a level she is comfortable with - TH is theoretically irrelevant so she would keep Shabbos and Kosher.

What level of "frum" is she aspiring to and what kind of "frum" does she want in a potential mate?

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:08 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

I don't understand why she can't show up at singles events for Orthodox singles. Why does she have to use a professional?

Shes a very bright and attractive person but she always hated singles events, for a number of reasons. Single events are not fun for everyone. That wouldnt work for her. She prefers meeting someone "Shadchan style".

Agudah type would be the ballpark, but if someone good would be suggested, shed probably move either towards the right to Heimish or towards the left to Young Israel. Main thing for her is straight honest kind and sensitive.

southernbubby

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:11 pm

I know 2 people who were OTD, came back, and got married. One prominent Rav in Chabad says to look at where the person is now. Both married people who were always frum.

#BestBubby

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Friend should contact people who work in organizations for BTs or OTDs. They may know a nice young man who is now frum. Most regular shadchanim probably don't know anyone suitable - although it doesn't hurt to ask.

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:40 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Friend should contact people who work in organizations for BTs or OTDs.

Are you familiar with which organizations or people, it would make sense to reach out to?

amother

Amber

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:44 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

My chassidish classmate went OTD, she became yeshivish and married a yeshivish guy. She's more Frum than before.

Did she go OTD by becoming yeshivish?

(that's what your post sounds like)

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:53 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Did she go OTD by becoming yeshivish?

(that's what your post sounds like)

You know very well that's not how it sounds.She's more frum than before, how does that make this post sound otherwise?

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