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Flip Flops




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 8:22 pm
I was a guest this Shabbos, and my hosts were having a discussion about the kids in Lakewood who don't have schools. They were discussing how there really is a school for every child, it's just that some parents didn't want to send to those schools out of fear that it would do more harm than good.
I didn't realize that these kids had a school to go to - I thought they literally had not a single place to send to. I thought that every single school said no.
Was I so naive all along? Is the major crisis a matter of parents not wanting to send their kids to the school that the vaad placed them in?

Just want to add that I am not minimizing the hardship of going to a school where you feel you do not belong or will be harmful for your child (because of the crowd, resources provided, etc.).
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cnc




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 8:29 pm
Flip Flops wrote:
I was a guest this Shabbos, and my hosts were having a discussion about the kids in Lakewood who don't have schools. They were discussing how there really is a school for every child, it's just that some parents didn't want to send to those schools out of fear that it would do more harm than good.
I didn't realize that these kids had a school to go to - I thought they literally had not a single place to send to. I thought that every single school said no.
Was I so naive all along? Is the major crisis a matter of parents not wanting to send their kids to the school that the vaad placed them in?

Just want to add that I am not minimizing the hardship of going to a school where you feel you do not belong or will be harmful for your child (because of the crowd, resources provided, etc.).


You’re not naive. What your hosts said is not accurate.
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amother




Orchid


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 8:29 pm
For the most part everyone has a school. This is not to say there arent exceptions. But this is the town of "bests" and noone wants their child in a school they feel isnt best even if itll be "best" for that child...
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 8:49 pm
You're host was wrong. I have a daughter who is supposed to be in 9th grade, she wasn't accepted to any school yet and the vaad isn't much help. She is still sitting at home every day while all of her friends are in school.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:04 pm
There are some parents like the ones your hosts were discussing, but there are more people who are just stuck with no options at all. It's heartbreaking.
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:33 pm
And your hosts know that to be 100% true, how?
Aren't girls from that Bais Tzipporah (I think the name is) school still being a chilled in someone's basement because they weren't accepted anywhere? Does your host think the parents wouldn't rather send them to a regular school??
It's easy to judge when your kids aren't ones of "them"
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:34 pm
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
For the most part everyone has a school. This is not to say there arent exceptions. But this is the town of "bests" and noone wants their child in a school they feel isnt best even if itll be "best" for that child...

No, how about the schools and existing parent bodies don't want someone who isn't the "best"?!
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amother




Pearl


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:40 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
You're host was wrong. I have a daughter who is supposed to be in 9th grade, she wasn't accepted to any school yet and the vaad isn't much help. She is still sitting at home every day while all of her friends are in school.

Hug Hug Hug Hug
Just hugging your post wasn't enough.
It's super easy for my to say , I know, but I'll say it anyway and you can ignore if it doesn't talk to you. Make these days THE BEST DAYS OF HER CHILDHOOD.
Do everthing in your power to bang the doors down to get her into school but until she actually sits in a desk with her uniform, make the days count!


My oldest was born after 3.5 years of marriage. We made every day count.
HaShem should help you and your daughter should have a school very soon. A school that will value and apreciate what a wonderful yiddisha neshama she is!
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:44 pm
He wasn't totally right or totally wrong! There are some girls that truly weren't accepted anywhere but there are also a few that claim they aren't because they wouldn't go to the one school the vaad sent them!
I personally think it's worse to be sitting home than go to a school that's not ideal but I've heard the opposite from a mother who was in that situation.(she had more girls and she said "at least the nxt ones I wont have to fight for them!") What
Bh I was never in that position so I really don't know what I would do!
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Ema of 4




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 9:48 pm
chestnut wrote:
No, how about the schools and existing parent bodies don't want someone who isn't the "best"?!

It’s most likely some of both- some parents don’t want to send to a “b school” (whatever that means) and some schools don’t want to take “b girls” (again, whatever that means.)
I think this is a symptom of a bigger problem, which is expecting everyone to fit into one exact mold, with no wiggle room.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 10:13 pm
I was under the impression that the chabad school takes in anyone but parents don't want to send there
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 10:18 pm
Seafoam, I had no idea there was a Chabad school in the Lakewood area, let alone a high school.
OP, the ones that had been accepted but held out for a better school were accepted weeks ago. The ones that never had a school are still sitting home. Unfortunately, there are more of the latter than the former.
Hashem knows that every single administrator in Lakewood will have to give din v'cheshbon after 120. I would love to be a fly on the wall and hear the defense.
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 10:32 pm
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
Hug Hug Hug Hug
Just hugging your post wasn't enough.
It's super easy for my to say , I know, but I'll say it anyway and you can ignore if it doesn't talk to you. Make these days THE BEST DAYS OF HER CHILDHOOD.
Do everthing in your power to bang the doors down to get her into school but until she actually sits in a desk with her uniform, make the days count!


My oldest was born after 3.5 years of marriage. We made every day count.
HaShem should help you and your daughter should have a school very soon. A school that will value and apreciate what a wonderful yiddisha neshama she is!


Thank you!
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small bean




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 12:52 am
chestnut wrote:
And your hosts know that to be 100% true, how?
Aren't girls from that Bais Tzipporah (I think the name is) school still being a chilled in someone's basement because they weren't accepted anywhere? Does your host think the parents wouldn't rather send them to a regular school??
It's easy to judge when your kids aren't ones of "them"



A new school opened for them. Why didn't they go?
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small bean




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 12:55 am
I would suggest mostly accurate.

The one who said her daughter is not in high school. A new school opened up, in sure they'd take your daughter. And yesodos as well will take her, I know good girls who just came to lakewood and got in there.
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 1:50 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
You're host was wrong. I have a daughter who is supposed to be in 9th grade, she wasn't accepted to any school yet and the vaad isn't much help. She is still sitting at home every day while all of her friends are in school.


How about the new small school called ashira? I think they are really looking for people to join. Would this be good for you?
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amother




Slategray


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 12:50 pm
I though a school like yesodos accepts everyone.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 1:08 pm
chestnut wrote:
And your hosts know that to be 100% true, how?
Aren't girls from that Bais Tzipporah (I think the name is) school still being a chilled in someone's basement because they weren't accepted anywhere? Does your host think the parents wouldn't rather send them to a regular school??
It's easy to judge when your kids aren't ones of "them"


For elementary school by of ocean county opened. It’s still very small. I know ppl sending there who are very happy. Warm. Small. Good education. Nice mix of families. Less rules.

Parents who hold out for high schools give other families a bad name. I know a girl who was accepted not to her first choice last year. She didnt go to school until Chanukah. They told everyone she didn’t get in anywhere. unfortanetly it made me questions others.
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amother




Navy


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 1:19 pm
I know a girl who was placed by the vaad in a school for brilliant kids. It wasn't match and she waited for a better fit.
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 1:26 pm
Op, there ARE schools it’s just that sometimes families are hurt and disappointed that the few schools they really wanted to send to didn’t accept their child for whatever reason.
If it’s a matter of pride then eventually they agree to send to the “second class school “ that will take them.
If they are truly concerned with the chinuch of their child and how sending their child to the “other “ school could possibly affect their child’s educational, spiritual and emotional make up then they just won’t give in.
It’s a complicated personal decision.
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