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My chldrn ages 13yr thru 16 months LOVE to rub themselves...

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 10:30 pm
NOW WHO CAN HELP???
My children ages 13,11-1/2, 5, 16 months ALL have this habit of rubbing themselves in bed. Not EVERY night, but definitely at times when theyre having a hard time falling asleep and my 16 month old can sometimes just do it while cuddling on me with his hands at his diaper area. I know theyre feeling great when theyre doing it cuz I hear it on their breathing.

A few months ago ive been to a doc with my baby cuz I thought he had an extra piece by his bris area, which was nothing bh. AT the same time I told the doc about my 11 yo son that was the most addicted to this habit and asked if its a problem, he said as long as he does it in private in his bedroom is fine. I asked until what age its fine? He said until he meets his wife LOL!!

I keep talking to my kids that they need to stop cuz they cant be doing this in sleepaway camp, they all try and I stop them when I pass their rooms when I see them doing it, but I dont know if im doing the right thing and I dont know if THEYRE doing something wrong...

Anyone with experience? I feel like this is a a terrible addiction issue that has gotten into my family and might bring them trouble or embarrassment one day...
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amother




Lavender


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 11:37 pm
To be clear:

are you referring to m*sturbation?
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amother




Taupe


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 11:42 pm
As long as they're doing it only in private; bathroom or bed, let them be. Don't make a big deal about it. It is natural and it's normal. You don't want to create s-xual issues for them later on by making them feel like they're doing something bad/wrong.
Regarding your older son, though, have your husband talk to him about his changing body and all that, and he should also make him aware of halachos of zera levatala. But as long as it doesn't reach that point, let them sooth themselves however it is they do it.
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 11:44 pm
OP here...

To be clear:

are you referring to m*sturbation?

Yes, referring to m*sturbation?
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 11:53 pm
Not to scare you or anything but it might be that they have seen this behavior somewhere. I think you should definitely ask them in a very open, nonjudgemental way if they are acting in something they've seen previously. I think it's also important to note that if one makes a big deal about it, it becomes a big deal and children end up associating this with shame and other non beneficial feelings. Maybe seek the advice of somebody that is knowledgable in this area for how to have this conversation with your children. Best of luck.
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sat, Nov 16 2019, 11:56 pm
I know everyone says it's normal, but all the kids in one family being addicted would raise red flags for me personally. Is it possible someone is touching them or teaching them? I'm not trying to scare you. Unless others have seen an entire family addicted to always doing it?
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amother




Plum


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 12:12 am
You can tell them that it's not tzniusdik to have their hands there at any time when there is another person in the room.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 12:34 am
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
I know everyone says it's normal, but all the kids in one family being addicted would raise red flags for me personally. Is it possible someone is touching them or teaching them? I'm not trying to scare you. Unless others have seen an entire family addicted to always doing it?


Yup, the whole family down to the baby just doesn't sit right with me. I unfortunately know of a family where one sick perp was on it with all children separately. After hearing that, I feel like you can't be too cautious.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 4:14 am
O.O

What.......


Ask them where they got this behavior from.
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westchestermom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 5:16 am
My kids have never gone to daycare or babysitters and they found that it feels good when they were toddlers. It doesn't mean they learned it. My older one started doing it when I weaned her to soothe herself to sleep and grew out of it. My 5 year old does it a lot and she shares a room so I keep telling her to not do it in front of her sister but its hard.
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 5:32 am
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
I know everyone says it's normal, but all the kids in one family being addicted would raise red flags for me personally. Is it possible someone is touching them or teaching them? I'm not trying to scare you. Unless others have seen an entire family addicted to always doing it?


I think all kid do this at some point, because it feels nice.
If they see their siblings doing it, they'll copy.
I think for a 13 year old it's normal to want to m*sturbate I mean in the secular world they'd have s-ex instead.
The younger ones I don't know.
As long as they only do it before going to sleep I guess it's okay if they know it's inappropriate in front of others!
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chayamiriam




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 6:32 am
What a silly comment all13 year olds in the secular world are having relations???
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amother




Rose


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 6:47 am
westchestermom wrote:
My kids have never gone to daycare or babysitters and they found that it feels good when they were toddlers. It doesn't mean they learned it. My older one started doing it when I weaned her to soothe herself to sleep and grew out of it. My 5 year old does it a lot and she shares a room so I keep telling her to not do it in front of her sister but its hard.


My 5 year old does it almost every night she started as a toddler. Is it normal? I'm embarrassed if she will ever have to sleep over at someone else's house. She did try doing it on the couch sometimes but I stopped her and told her she can only do it in her bed. Is there a way to stop it or its better to just let it go?
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banana123




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 6:55 am
OP it is totally normal. I tell my kids I don't want to see them do it. It's private. They can do it in the bathroom or in their bedrooms when there's no one else around.

They don't need to learn it anywhere. You changed their diapers? They touched themselves while exploring in the bath as babies? They once sat with their legs wrapped around something to hold on, and whatever it was touched them there? They found out that it feels good to touch/ be touched there. Great. Leave it, as long as they understand that it needs to be done only when they are alone.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 10:19 am
OP here...
Thank you all for your responses, especially those telling me that ITS NORMAL to do in privacy... if thats the case ill just leave them alone and just tell them to be tzniusdug and covered if I ever pass their rooms and see them doing it in not such a tzniudiga way. But im pretty sure they wont do it in sleepaway camp or any time when sleeping with friends, I believe I set that straight...
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amother




Coral


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 10:29 am
What about 8 yo ds touching private part constantly through putting his hand in his pocket, during the day, in yeshivah?
I'm not closing up his pockets. I keep telling him it's not tznius, but it doesn't help.
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amother




Papaya


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 10:33 am
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
What about 8 yo ds touching private part constantly through putting his hand in his pocket, during the day, in yeshivah?
I'm not closing up his pockets. I keep telling him it's not tznius, but it doesn't help.


these behaviors dont seem normal. neither does the one who has her kids rubbing themselves all day Surprised Surprised
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 10:34 am
Op, please ignore the comments thelling you that it is a red flag or that they may have seen it... nonsense. Many of my siblings did it, including myself (ye, embarrassing) and we are the most healthy, normal family. I didn't learn it from anyone nor have I seen anything or suffered from abuse.
An older boy should be taught the halachos as he nears his Bar Mitzva because there are issurim involved, but otherwise, I wouldn't worry that they'll do it in camp or whatever. At that age they would be old enough to be embarrassed and smart enough to realize that you don't do it in public.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Nov 17 2019, 10:35 am
OP here...
my kids are doing it in bed only.. my son can also sometimes put his hands in his pocket, but I made a sort of hint with him that when I fold my hands it means take your hands out of your pockets, but thats only occasionally bh
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