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Working Mom's Raise Their Kids
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ora_43




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 3:07 pm
sky wrote:
I guess I look at that there are more hours in the day so more time to do things.
You don’t have to pack all you shopping and dr appointments into Sunday.
You don’t have to do all your cooking on Thursday night.

Right but if the shopping happens Tuesday, it doesn't take more time. It actually probably takes less time, because the store is a lot less crowded.

Quote:
Don’t you have to clean your house and cook and do homework with kids? Even if you work? I mean it has to happen somehow. Even if you are working. You just have to fit in differently and in a more compact time span.

And volunteering I would look at as a job, even though unpaid.

I have to make sure those things get done. I don't do 100% of all of them myself. Like most working moms I know, I have help from babysitters, I spend a bit more on food with faster prep times. My kids go to daycare. Sometimes the house is... less clean than it could be.

And most of what at-home parents do can't be easily quantified. If a SAHM took her two-year-old to the grocery store with her and involved her in the process of shopping, and meanwhile I did all my grocery shopping online within half an hour, it wouldn't make sense to say that we did the same thing but I did it more efficiently.
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chipmunks




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 3:08 pm
Please! Not a competition, really! I think it has more to do with personality, sense of responsibility, and personal limits. There are people who will fill up every second at work or at home even if they don't really have a formal task to complete at that specific time. There are people who will slack off and mess around on their phones or whatever even when they should be doing something important and time-sensitive -- at work or at home. There are two women I especially respect for their responsible, hard-working attitude and acknowledgment of the need to say when enough is enough and they need to be people, too. Guess what? One works; one stays home. They both work harder than almost anyone I know and I don't think one works harder than the other. Their personalities happen to be very similar and they'd probably both be great at each other's roles as well.

You can be equally industrious or equally lazy at work or at home, but you have to find the situation and balance that works for you and your family or you will be helping no one in the long run. Making each other feel bad just invalidates everyone's choices.
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L25




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 3:08 pm
keym- I'm a SAHM and I think that comment was "beyond" in terms of rudeness. I can't even....

*some* mothers do have nannies and cleaning ladies do stuff that SAHMs do. That doesn't mean they are bad mothers.

That doesn't mean all working mothers have cleaning ladies and nannies.

The mommywars have got to end. They don't serve anyone.
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rydys




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 3:44 pm
A friend of mine who works once discussed this with her friend, a SAHM. The SAHM mom summed it up this way:

My friend: does the laundry, washes the dishes, cleans the house, makes supper

SAHM: doooeees the laundry, waashes the diiiishees, cleeans the houuuse, maaaakes suuuper.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 3:48 pm
SAHMs, WOHMs and WAHMs are unique individuals with lives that vary compared to those with the same employment status.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 4:02 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
While I do believe that working moms are super moms, not everyone manages though and the kids end up paying for it. 3 of my neighbors that work are almost never home on time for their kids busses and pre school kids get off the bus by themselves and wait outside till mom gets home. And they wait by themselves in the morning for the bus to come. My heart goes out to these kids.


I suppose we could discuss the SAHMs I know who could never be bothered to come to their kids' games or to wait at the bus stop, or who expected my sitter to be happy to take their kids off the bus. Or who clearly never looked at their kids' homework or curriculum.

Or we can just put it down to different parenting styles or priorities.
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 4:13 pm
ora_43 wrote:
I have to make sure those things get done. I don't do 100% of all of them myself. Like most working moms I know, I have help from babysitters, I spend a bit more on food with faster prep times. My kids go to daycare. Sometimes the house is... less clean than it could be.

And most of what at-home parents do can't be easily quantified. If a SAHM took her two-year-old to the grocery store with her and involved her in the process of shopping, and meanwhile I did all my grocery shopping online within half an hour, it wouldn't make sense to say that we did the same thing but I did it more efficiently.


If you told me SAHM don’t have cleaning help, don’t send their kids out at an age, don’t buy take out, and don’t shop on amazon so okay. But I think they take advantage of all that as well.

Everyone is entitled to do what works.

I was just talking to a SAHM with older kids who has 3x the amount cleaning help I do. It’s not like SAHM are marters because they don’t work. (And they don’t have to be)
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amother




Cerise


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 4:32 pm
Personally as a stahm, I agree with the op. It sounds incredibly hard to do everything a mother does after a full day of work. I cannot do it at this point in my life, so I'm not working.
But being stahm has challenges too.
So why fight- most moms work hard!
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 4:36 pm
sky wrote:
If you told me SAHM don’t have cleaning help, don’t send their kids out at an age, don’t buy take out, and don’t shop on amazon so okay. But I think they take advantage of all that as well.

Everyone is entitled to do what works.

I was just talking to a SAHM with older kids who has 3x the amount cleaning help I do. It’s not like SAHM are marters because they don’t work. (And they don’t have to be)


There are two types of SAHM:
Those who need the money gut sacrifice it so they can be home, giving up on things like cleaning help, or playgroup, or takeout etc. , shopping around town for the best deals...

And those whose husbands make such a good living that they don't need to work- and they are also able to have cleaning help, takeout, order groceries etc.

The first category can be just as stressful as working. The second category has to be less stressful.
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amother




Rose


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 5:07 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
There are two types of SAHM:
Those who need the money but sacrifice it so they can be home, giving up on things like cleaning help, or playgroup, or takeout etc. , shopping around town for the best deals...

And those whose husbands make such a good living that they don't need to work- and they are also able to have cleaning help, takeout, order groceries etc.

The first category can be just as stressful as working. The second category has to be less stressful.


There also mothers taking care of sick children..... mothers taking care of elderly parents..
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 6:59 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
There are two types of SAHM:
Those who need the money gut sacrifice it so they can be home, giving up on things like cleaning help, or playgroup, or takeout etc. , shopping around town for the best deals...

And those whose husbands make such a good living that they don't need to work- and they are also able to have cleaning help, takeout, order groceries etc.

The first category can be just as stressful as working. The second category has to be less stressful.


You have to add a third category - those who can’t afford to be SAHM and come on imamother complaining why their husbands are telling them to work, they just don’t want to.
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amother




Wine


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 7:04 pm
everyone is mentioning laundry, dishes supper..
yes working mothers do all that just in a shorter amount of time. Those are housewife duties.

but you cannot compare actual mothering -actual physical presence with your babies- between a working mother and a stay at home.

SAHM can take their babies and toddlers to the park. Point out the flowers. bake cookies, build lego creations. watch their vocabulary develop, encourage confidence and skills. help them master how to put on their socks, how to zip their coats. read them stories, watch their every fall, be there to kiss them and help them back up. hug them and love them at sll different points throughout the day. for children of working mothers the babysitters do all that, if they even do it. obviously by around age 4 or 5 they're all in school anyway. but you cannot say that a working mother mothers her babies and toddlers in the same way that a SAHM mother does.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 7:15 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
There also mothers taking care of sick children..... mothers taking care of elderly parents..


Correct.
But in that case it's not a choice, and of course their lives are equally stressful or more so than a working mom's life.
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amother




Rose


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 7:28 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
Correct.
But in that case it's not a choice, and of course their lives are equally stressful or more so than a working mom's life.


My point is there are more than 2 types of SAHMs - and stress comes from lots of places.
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amother




Navy


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 7:43 pm
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
everyone is mentioning laundry, dishes supper..
yes working mothers do all that just in a shorter amount of time. Those are housewife duties.

but you cannot compare actual mothering -actual physical presence with your babies- between a working mother and a stay at home.

SAHM can take their babies and toddlers to the park. Point out the flowers. bake cookies, build lego creations. watch their vocabulary develop, encourage confidence and skills. help them master how to put on their socks, how to zip their coats. read them stories, watch their every fall, be there to kiss them and help them back up. hug them and love them at sll different points throughout the day. for children of working mothers the babysitters do all that, if they even do it. obviously by around age 4 or 5 they're all in school anyway. but you cannot say that a working mother mothers her babies and toddlers in the same way that a SAHM mother does.


Liking this was not enough!
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amother




White


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 8:06 pm
Everyone is mentioning laundry, homework, dishes, supper etc but isn't being a mom so much more than "getting things done"?
You can be the busiest person who gets the most done in the least amount of time, but at the end of the day are your kids getting the best of you? Or are they getting what's left of you?
I don't know why so many people seem to glorify "busy-ness" and "who works hardest". It's not a competition. What matters most is knowing how much you can handle so that you still function as a human being (and a nice one at that).
Whether it means going to work or staying home or having a cleaner, who cares? It shouldn't be about who has the most stressful life but about making sure you're not using up all your energy in the wrong places.
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amother




White


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 8:08 pm
omg amother wine I just saw your post after I posted my very similar one:)
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 8:13 pm
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
everyone is mentioning laundry, dishes supper..
yes working mothers do all that just in a shorter amount of time. Those are housewife duties.

but you cannot compare actual mothering -actual physical presence with your babies- between a working mother and a stay at home.

SAHM can take their babies and toddlers to the park. Point out the flowers. bake cookies, build lego creations. watch their vocabulary develop, encourage confidence and skills. help them master how to put on their socks, how to zip their coats. read them stories, watch their every fall, be there to kiss them and help them back up. hug them and love them at sll different points throughout the day. for children of working mothers the babysitters do all that, if they even do it. obviously by around age 4 or 5 they're all in school anyway. but you cannot say that a working mother mothers her babies and toddlers in the same way that a SAHM mother does.


Spoken by someone that they have to say it anonymously.

I took my babies and toddlers to the park. Pointed our flowers. Spent countless hours building Lego and blocks and train tracks. And every other thing you mention. I even taught them to read and write.

That's because I'm a mother.

What I never felt the need to do, however, is to diminish others' parenting in order to make it seem like I'm more worthwhile.
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Laiya




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 9:31 pm
sky wrote:
If you told me SAHM don’t have cleaning help, don’t send their kids out at an age, don’t buy take out, and don’t shop on amazon so okay. But I think they take advantage of all that as well.

Everyone is entitled to do what works.

I was just talking to a SAHM with older kids who has 3x the amount cleaning help I do. It’s not like SAHM are marters because they don’t work. (And they don’t have to be)


Some working moms are able to make use of those short-cuts, some aren't. Some moms work long hours and have never cleaned a toilet, folded laundry, or clipped a coupon. They spend more money on kids' clothing and shoes because they don't have time to run from store to store checking prices. They hire a tutor or high school girl in the afternoons to help with homework.

Some sahm's wish they could go to work, but they calculate that, after paying for increased child care and other expenses, the little money they would earn would not be justified. I think that when we hear sahm's saying that working is easier, they probably fall into this category, and they're referring to working moms in the above category.
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amother




Blush


Post  Tue, Nov 19 2019, 10:55 pm
.
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