Working Mom's Raise Their Kids

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 9:02 am

Ravenclaw wrote:

Also, I have actually researched this topic pretty extensively, so I will bite and share my findings.
There was so much research both for and against staying home and working. Research seemed to contradict itself. I was trying to find a common thread and figure out why.
Finally I found a study that had isolated one factor: what the mother wanted to do. Turns out that clinched it. Children of mothers who wanted to stay home, and did so, or mothers who were working for fulfillment had the best outcome.
Turns out children feel whether a mother is resentful about how she spends her time and that made the biggest difference.

Happy mom, happy kids.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 9:27 am

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Liking this was not enough!

And I say ew 🤮

Working mothers also kiss their kids and take them to the park and read them stories and teach them to button their shirts. They just have less time to do it. And plenty of sahm moms send their kids to play group and barely look at their kids. Some moms are good moms and some moms are not. It has nothing to do with being home or working.

Mommyg8

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 9:54 am

Ravenclaw wrote:

No, of course not.
But make self care a priority and try to find an enjoyable job.

Not everyone has an enjoyable job and not everyone can find time for self care if they are working and raising a family at the same time. So does that mean their children do not do as well?

BTW, I did research this topic many years ago and it could be research today is different (though I doubt it) and I came out with the fact that working 40 hours or over causes behavior problems later on, in boys but not girls. I don't think they have done any studies since, mostly I think because they don't want to know.

amother

Navy

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 9:58 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Spoken by someone that they have to say it anonymously.

I took my babies and toddlers to the park. Pointed our flowers. Spent countless hours building Lego and blocks and train tracks. And every other thing you mention. I even taught them to read and write.

That's because I'm a mother.

What I never felt the need to do, however, is to diminish others' parenting in order to make it seem like I'm more worthwhile.

I’m sure you were wonderful. But other working moms were pointing out that they do everything that SAHMs do, referring to housekeeping duties. But SAHMs are taking care of their kids all day and that shouldn’t be completely discounted.

avrahamama

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 11:59 am

This is my first year home after a long time. It just seems like we can't win no matter what. BTW even those with live in help don't necessarily have it so easy. It's tzaar gadlei banim and we all have to have it. Just HKBH decides to what measure we each get it. But we allll get it. No one is meant to have it easy or better. And some children are MEANT to have working parents, and some not. And some children are meant to wait at the door while a parent rushes home and others not. We all end up getting what we need whether or not we realize it.

SixOfWands

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 12:07 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

No one is discounting SAHMs. You do what's right for your family; you do you. I'll do what's right for my family.

However, you, or someone else without the guts to use her actual fake name, attacked working mothers. Which is nasty and uncalled for.

amother

Navy

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 1:58 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

It’s always wrong to attack. But several posters have discounted SAHMs by saying that working moms do everything that SAHMs do. Both sides should be respectful.

SixOfWands

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 2:04 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

It’s always wrong to attack. But several posters have discounted SAHMs by saying that working moms do everything that SAHMs do. Both sides should be respectful.

Because they do.

You want people to say that you're a better mother because you don't work outside the home. Not only is that just plain old not true, its most deinitely an attack, and absolutely lacks respect for others.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 2:22 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I don't believe that anyone said that sahms are better mothers, but please give up on the idea that those who work full time do EVERYTHING that sahms do. If they did, they would be operating on a couple of hours of sleep a night. They may get done everything they feel they need to do, but that is not the same thing.

signed: someone who (gasp!) doesn't have the "guts" to use my actual fake name.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 2:36 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Really, until what age? 2,3 ... 7... 10,12
At some points kids go out.
I actually find it pretty rare that anyone keeps kids home these days past 3.

I’m lucky enough to work full time from home and not send my kids out.
My 15 month old is home with me full time. My 4 year old only goes out 4 hours. Rest of my kids are in school.

Some how I can work, raise my children, clean, cook, and sleep. It’s possible. (My DH takes care of bills and a lot of shopping)

Overall working mothers figure in how to do what SAHM do and still sleep.

amother

Copper

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 2:40 pm

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

In general, you're right. But it really depends on the working mom and the SAHM.

Some SAHMs get a lot done, some don't, they just do everything at a leisurely pace. And that's fine too. It's not a mitzvah to run around like a chicken without a head.

Also, a lot of SAHMs accomplish a lot of housework - which is something a working mom often just outsources. It doesn't really matter who is cleaning the toilets.

I think the big issue is how much extra the sahm is giving her kids. I would say that if they are little, it's a huge bonus. Once they are in school (and where I live, that starts at age three), then I don't know how much more the sahm gives. Again, depends. IF the working mom gets home at six p.m, she is seeing her kids a lot less than if she gets home at three pm.

I personally think that sahms of school age children aren't necessarily contributing more to their children than working moms. Sorry, that's the truth. HOWEVER, and this is a big one, I think working moms are often frantically overworked, and it is just not fair that society expects them to keep track of the entire household, emotionally, physically, socially, while also working.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 2:43 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I'm not sure that I agree with you, because if a working mom comes home at the same time as her kids, does she immediately start spending time with them or does she try to get some chores done while trying to relax herself? The quality of that time may not be the same.

libadmin

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 3:04 pm

One factor that I think is worth mentioning is also how many children people have. I think acknowledging that there are differences is okay and guilt is something we may all feel because society puts enormous expectations on us, besides the ones we impose on ourselves. I find the pressure to work and have a large family more a strain than just working period.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 3:06 pm

why can't people stop fighting about SAHM vs working mom? We have better things to do like I don't know help build each other up, help support each other when we are struggling with parenting because parenting is hard!

If you want to feel superior. Go ahead I assure you that there is something you can feel superior to me about, be it your career, the amount of kids you have, the type of dinner you serve, how your kids are dressed... feel better now? But please leave the other mothers alone!

vent over.

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 20 2019, 3:30 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

It’s always wrong to attack. But several posters have discounted SAHMs by saying that working moms do everything that SAHMs do. Both sides should be respectful.

There's no need to discount because it's true.
Yes some working moms don't clean as well as some sahms. Yet some sahms also have cleaning ladies and extra help and send their kids to playgroup.

Sahms here are trying to portray this picture of being this perfect woman who does it all and spends every second of the day as a sacrifice for her kids.
Which is simply not true at all.
And they think they're better than working moms who manage their time wisely and do it all after work. Yes we might not scrub the floors daily but that's completely unnecessary and not a reason not to work.
It also doesn't make you a better mom btw if your house is OCD clean.