Ami article; Chaim Ekstein's $10K wedding plan

southernbubby

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 1:42 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

There are plenty of excellent products available from Ikea. I have a set of Ikea shelves that are older than half the posters here, and still in perfect condition.

Its OK to start out with lower-end things, and to upgrade when you can afford. Young couples don't need to start off with top of the line everything. Particularly as they will likely move at some point, and want things to go with the style of their longer term home. You start slowly, and build up as you can afford.

We have had mixed luck with Ikea. Ekstein estimates the lifetime of an Ikea product to be 3 years but doesn't view it as the parents' responsibility to provide furniture that lasts beyond 3 years.

amother

Lime

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 3:33 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

When it comes to items that last, such as furniture and jewelry, it's not the same as spending on a big show. It's financially reasonable to purchase a high-end piece with stable value as long as one is able to afford it. After the purchase, it remains as a store of value in your possession.
Spending on strolling violinists, fancy gown rentals, and other one night experiences is also okay, but it's not financially sensible if it's difficult to afford.

I didn't read the entire thread yet but I disagree with the bolded.
I got expensive jewelry and good quality furniture.
As soon as 2 years after my wedding I already didn't like my jewelry anymore. Trends change. The only thing I still like is my diamond ring because it's simple and timeless. I now proudly wear my Amazon fakes. I like them so much better.
Furniture- my bedroom furniture is long given away already. Small Brooklyn houses didn't have space for that.
My dining room set is old fashioned and the chairs are going. We gave away our massive klutzy china closet.
We moved away from Brooklyn recently. I am so glad we didn't have our bedroom set. It would've looked hideous in our new house. We got beautiful cheap beds by a local store.
I'm glad we don't have our China closet anymore. We wouldn't have brought it along anyway.
My table and chairs are sticking out like a sore thumb. Can't wait to get something fresh and modern and a whole lot cheaper from Ikea or the likes.
Point is, expensive jewelry and furniture isn't necessary and isn't always a great financial investment.
Parents not having to shell out thousands and thousands for multiple children is a much better investment.
Let every couple furnish their own home slowly as the years go along.

ra_mom

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 3:35 pm

Ravenclaw wrote:

The point is, everyone finds something else valuable. For some it’s real furniture, for some it’s real jewelry...

How can we incorporate a plan where everyone can spend on different things? I personally never needed or wanted real jewelry. I don’t get the point of it. Everyone is different.

He mentioned that a few times in the article. That people should work with what they have and what they need and can afford. I think an example mentioned was gold setting with CZ stone if one wants and can afford better jewelry.

Regarding comments in this thread about Ikea furniture, there are definitely pieces that last longer than 3 years and everybody should buy what they need and can afford. A good big dinette set for dining room and a good set of beds are great for a new couple. Buy what you can afford best quality available at that rate.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 4:13 pm

But I think a lot of it starts when your kids are little.
We don’t keep with the jones and spend way less then we earn.
I do have a significant chunk of money for each kids wedding. I’m hoping based on how they grew up they’d rather take the money for their future then one night. But ultimately it’s up to them
I can just hope our attitude of we don’t need the lates and greatest (car, stroller, sweatshirt, vacation, toys) and still be happy attitude has rubbed off on them and they’ll make good choices.
But if not raised like that kids won’t give up these things and we can’t expect th to.
If you need a doona, and then a bugaboo. And then trips to Florida. We can’t expect them to give up on their own wants later in life.

asmileaday

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 4:24 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Yes yes yes!

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:02 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

So, share. How is he going to do it?

10 years ago, the least expensive kosher caterer in NY was charging $45 per person, bare bones. So $50 now? Plus the venue. Music. Flowers. Anything else extra like decorating the chuppah. Ketubah. Rabbi. Clothing. Photographer.

Just not seeing it.

At some point Bais Faiga in Lakewood had a 10K chasuna, including FLOP. I don't know if that's changed.
Still, add the gowns (yes, gemachs. But alterations!), hair, makeup, some reasonable level of gifts, and of course setting up the chosson and kallah and there are more expenses.

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:08 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I agree setting up past wedding is expensive.
And I believe very strongly in buying good which costs.
We got a solid wood non-China bedroom set and table. And real leather couches.
15 years later it’s still solid and beautiful.
My friends who got bonded leather and pressed wood replaced theirs years ago.
The tools of the trade pots I got cheap were thrown out with in a few years. farberware pots are going strong.

I do see a lot of value in buying quality life long items for a couple.
I see a lot less value in spending money on s single night or expensive jewelry that is really worthless and will be out of style in a few years.

And sometimes tastes change. Or the kids are really getting the mother's taste. I think better to let them look at the ads in yeshiva or go to Craig's list, and give them some money towards it.

PinkFridge

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:14 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

I'm so glad bracelets weren't a thing in my day. My tastes have changed tremendously. Though I think today's kallahs know themselves better and probably dream of their dream bracelet (and 2 other options they can live with) so they choose well.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:14 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Let every couple furnish their own home slowly as the years go along.

This! Why are parents expected to furnish the stuff? A chosson Kallah should get the bare minimum, and then slowly thru the years, based on their mazel and choices, furnish the homes.

Think about it for a minute. We are expecting parents to furnish homes for about 5-8 kids. And then those kids are expected to furnish their 5-8 kid's homes. And the parents are stuck with their own outdated, or broken furniture, because they can't afford to buy new ones for themselves since they're on the hook for their kids' furniture. Doesn't it just make more sense that every couple furnish their own homes? Let all the kids have minimum starter sets, and upgrade when they can.

Perhaps, it will also encourage the kids to think about a financial future from the start, instead of postponing it for when the hardships settle in.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:18 pm

These people make the wedding in Yoeli Roths shul it's not realistic for anyone else especially since I doubt he would give it out to people who aren't breslov
the music is a cd player the meal comes from leftovers collected from halls or what people cooked it is served buffet style and the men get white plastic tablecloths and foam plates it looks like a school lunchroom the hall is really small the wedding finishes at 10:30 there isn't even a badchan just someone calling up the grandparents this is far from normal in the chassidish world and I would not want such a wedding.... there is an in between way of doing things

asmileaday

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:35 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

It always baffled me why a young couple needs a full dining room set with 8 chairs! (I'm talking about chassidish circles where the young couple doesn't even eat home shabbos y"t or host guest). Forget about the half empty china closets or curios that don't get filled because nobody gives silver gifts anymore.

I only have boys so furniture won't truly be up to me but I don't think a young couple needs more than beautiful cheap platform beds and dresser from IKEA or wayfair and a nice dinette set which can also be gotten at IKEA.
If we can afford more I'd rather give the couple the cash to kickstart their own life.

Ok who wants to be meshadich with me?

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:36 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

I was an old fuddy duddy when I was 6, and still am. I'm wearing a ring by grandparents bought me when I was maybe 7 years old, and I'd pick the same one today.

But you're still correct. You don't start with the diamond bracelet. You work hard and save and eventually get the diamond bracelet, and the solid cherry dining set, and who knows what else.

amother

Blue

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 5:42 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

I’m with you . I think he’s being very very extreme . He doesn’t even want to let people sponsor the clear plates! Only foam plates ( I don’t use foam in my house )

southernbubby

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:04 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Can someone post a link to an article or video?
I don't really understand what he's proposing. Make the wedding in your backyard and order pizza?

I don't think that Ami puts it online. The wedding is in a hall but only the family eats the meal and the other guests come for desert and dancing.

Notsobusy

Mon, Nov 25 2019, 6:06 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I got an expensive bedroom set in a boro park store and it fell apart right away. 20 plus years later our Walmart seforim shelves are just starting to break.

I dont know that there's one right way to do it.
The problem is when everyone needs what ever everyone else got. They need to stop and think which things they really care about and where they can cut costs