The Commercialization of Chanukah

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 7:43 am

OP, I sooo relate to this. I was just telling my husband how I feel like we were so idealistic about chanuka when our first was born. We're also both bt and had the same types of parties growing up. When we got married we talked about how Chanuka shouldn't be about presents and maybe we'd do a family gift/game or gelt and we still feel the same but BH we have nice, wonderful families and already a while before Chanuka it starts... 'what should I get X?' I don't mean to complain about people wanting to buy for my kids because it is so extremely nice of them but I do get that feeling of somehow between a family chanuka party, then whoever couldn't make it to the party/the other side wants to do a little gift exchange etc it's just a ton of STUFF my kids are getting and it's natural for them to be into it. Doesn't mean Chanuka isn't beautiful and special for other reasons and of course we play dreidel, sing and dance, read and talk about the story of Chanuka and the neis but there is still a ta'am of the commercialization I always shied away from creeping in.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 7:47 am

sky wrote:

For those saying they set the tone in their home and nothing changed - does it work with teens? I’m the biggest the proponent of living beneath your means and we really do - including my teens.
But we are planning a Chanukah party. And my kids are getting ideas from magazines and friends for games and projects and food. There is only so much you can say no to and have them have less then others.
So even if the game and project are fantastic ideas they were larger then I’ve done in the past I wasn’t going to say no because it is goodfor them and I can’t have them feel deprived. But the ideas are definetly not coming from my home and are out of my control.

Chanukah is family time, every family does what works for them. Their is no need to go all out and do crazy stuff. However, if your the creative type, and enjoy using your talents, go-ahead.

I personally don't have the patience to do over the top stuff. So I don't. It's simply not being obsessed with what the "Jones" are doing.

As for teenagers, I let them take the lead. If they want to go all out and do something different, I give them the leeway. I can help them if needed, but basically if it's their idea I let them do it.

Ectomorph, I think you might just be bothered by the fancy decor, being that it's the same time as the holiday season. I don't think it's any more commercialized than any other holidays. We live in a glossy world, with different tablescapes seen on a daily basis.

southernbubby

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:05 am

The kosher stores were selling Chanukah party paper goods sets for $7.49 so we got that for the kids who came yesterday and they were delighted.
I didn't grow up frum and in our home, Chanukah was a big deal with decorations and gifts. My mother made latkes from a mix. I think that they were right. We went to public school where everyone was excited about X-mas and nobody wanted to see their kids feel deprived or inferior or Judaism reduced to a few Hebrew prayers and a bunch of fast days.

When a kid starts to learn the Alef beis we sweeten the deal with honey because we want him to have positive associations with Torah study. I think that unless celebrating Chanukah (or Pesach for that matter) is becoming a competitive sport, make the most of it and decorate the house and buy treats or gifts for the kids who don't know what money is yet. Don't go crazy but make Chanukah fun.

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:09 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Exactly. I don't mind it from the non observant - I'm happy they're celebrating at all, and sad they're missing out on the deeper joy meaning.

Somehow it rubs me the wrong way coming from frum people. When I hear discussions of Decor or presents, I just don't hear the same amount of discussions about the meaning of Chanukah. There's not much to do about it. It's just sad.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:27 am

Each person has their derech. Pre teen dd was having a hard time with the long holiday meals. We realized that if we gave her ownership to get a little shticky and decorate the table and to make some patchked food, she connected more, including to the ruchnius of it. Because she had honored the day in a way that meant something to her.

I taught her about hiddur mitzvah, and the idea of a beautiful esrog and the specific beautiful requirements for the keilim and curtains in the mishkan, and she saw that her way is important too. I guess she needed that because I'm all about easy vs patchke. So hopefully now she sees that both ways are valid, and you do what works for you.

southernbubby

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:32 am

ectomorph wrote:

But before other holidays there's also more discussion about material matters than spiritual matters. The ads in frum publications are promoting things rather than ideas and when women get together, it's about shopping and recipes no matter what we are celebrating

SuperWify

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:36 am

I think all the decor, presents and donuts are beautiful. It brings joy and connection to those of us that have a head time connecting. As for presents- I love giving presents. It’s a way for me to show hakaras hatov. I really don’t understand what is wrong with adding joy to a Yom Tov.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:40 am

sky wrote:

My third child who is almost 14 just complained to my DH last night that we have such a “boring” Chanuka. When my other kids were younger the stuff people do nowadays didn’t exist so they were fine with only a Mommy Chanuka party , some gelt and latkes, simple doughnuts and dreidel. For my 14 yr old it no longer suffices. I think that’s because the kids in school compare a lot and for some kids this gives them peer pressure. I do think that the excess materialism takes away from the beauty of Chanuka that we used to enjoy immensely in its simplicity.

zaq

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 8:57 am

groovy1224 wrote:

I think you can say this about any holiday. People are renting chandeliers for their sukkahs (yes, that's a thing). Ads for Pesach programs promise the ultimate luxury experience. Spending heaps of money on floral arrangements for shabbos. Shabbos Nachamu getaways. Chol hamoed uncle moishy concerts for $25 a child. Custom lucite shalach manos. It's not at all Chanukah specific. It's very very hard in this day to avoid the constant encouragement to improve any religious celebration by spending more money.

This.
At what point does Hiddur Mitzvah end and conspicuous consumption begin?

southernbubby

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:03 am

thunderstorm wrote:

The cheap plastic made in China tchotchkes that overpopulate the kosher stores this time of year are for the UPK crowd but teens want to go to a concert or other exciting event.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:05 am

southernbubby wrote:

I honestly think this is just a pitfall for women in general, and our challenge. I think it's actually easier for our girls who are still in school and learning about the chaggim as they approach. As women, our chief job tends to be to physically set the stage for the spiritual to settle on and into. We plan and make the meals, knowing that when our family has that extra special dish, they will feel extra special about the day in general.

I think it's actually more important on Chanukah because so much of our lives are business as usual,so the extras shout out, "Today is different!" Of course, if it's all about that, that's a problem. But I understand women coming together (and publishing) to try to make the holiday feel special and enjoyable to everyone. The logistics of food everyone can enjoy and eat (extended family may have restrictions, etc) aren't simple. Ectra activities that seem really shticky may occupy people and smooth over potential family disagreements. And even for the people who don't thrive on all of this, we're doing it anyway, so trying to enjoy it vs resent it isn't bad. The magazines and stores give you options. It's when peer pressure sets in that it's an issue.

keym

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:06 am

thunderstorm wrote:

I don't know. I think it's a personality thing.
My 14 yr old daughter is also driving me nuts about the color scheme and theme of the family Chanukah party (3 siblings coming over for supper after Licht). But I think it's her personality. She's also driving me nuts about the theme for the BBQ I hosted in honor of my husband's birthday and the color scheme for my son's upsherin.
I remember being the same way as a teen. My mother was a "nerd" who didn't care about this stuff, and I did.
I still do for big stuff. Her bas mitzva was nice looking. The Sheva Brachos I hosted had a color scheme.
But I think it's just teens asserting their independence.

To OP. I agree with you that the Commercialization is in general a problem.
I think Chanukah has been around the longest.
The general issue is businesses using the Jewish calendar to promote narishkeit.
I deserve a new shaitel for Rosh Hashanah, a diamond tennis bracelet for Sukkos, a silver menorah and the contents of Toys4U for Chanukah, etc.
Toys4U has a Chanukah brochure, a Purim one and a Pesach one.
Tu Bishvat has turned into a new present day.

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:16 am

southernbubby wrote:

Sorry, by Chanukah it is more parallel to x-mas. I don't see people using Easter style decorations at Pesach. Its a different issue.

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:18 am

Also, everyone complains about peer pressure, which exists but we're buying into it. At some point we have to say - enough is enough. Let's teach our kids about Chanuka which is about NOT emulating the greeks.

Maybe, if we're doing the shtick stuff, we can add in even more spirituality to balance it out.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 9:49 am

ectomorph wrote:

So my parents are BTs. We always visited our non observant family over Chanukah and it was very like x-mas, complete with a Chanukah bush, lots of blue and silver decor, and a ridiculous number of presents, with dreidels and menorahs emphasizing that we're Jewish but we are going to have just as much fun as we possibly can anyway.

I figured that when I grow up and have my own home, it will be a more traditional Chanuka. We'll sing Maoz Tzur, have divrei Torah at family Chanukah parties, and play dreidel, maybe some Chanukah gelt and a family gift, v'zehu. The highlight will be getting to say Halel.

Sadly, I feel like we are being pressured into Chanuka-mas. Everyone seems to be talking about Chanukah decor, presents and fancy sufganiyot. I think it's really sad.

I have not read any replies, just the OP.
I agree and I think it is very sad.
Where did giving gifts on chanukah come from? This always bothered me. We didnt grow up that way and we dont do it now. Why do people give gifts DAVKA on chanukah? I say, without a question in my mind, that it is because x-mas is around the same time and people want their kids/famiy members to not feel left out. ANd I find that very sad. We never thought about gifts for chanukah. And my child does not either. Its just not part of the chag and the spirit of the chag.
I agree, we dont need chanukah decor, presents or any of that stuff. The chag is so beautiful without all of that x-mas stuff infiltrating into the chag.

pause

Mon, Dec 23 2019, 10:43 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Chanuka gelt was traditionally given to children on Chanuka as a reward/motivation for limud torah. Today's days, money doesn't have value to many kids, so we give gifts to serve the same purpose. I know many people who keep "shtark" to the minhag of money as opposed to gifts because they feel gifts is Xmas-y. I don't see it that way. I see gifts as an opportunity to make my kids feel good.

The decor is to enhance the atmosphere of the Yom Tov. Shavuos we decorate the house with flowers and branches. Sukkos we decorate the sukka with all kinds of noy sukka. Rosh Hashana we use apple napkins to set the table. Purim we hang up clowns and mishenichnas adar signs. And Chanuka we use dreidels and chocolate coins and menorah napkins to set the table.

What's the big deal here?