The Painful Rejections of Lakewood Schools

amother

Tan

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 6:59 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

There’s a line at the ice cream store. You wait your turn, but when you get to the counter, they’re out of your favorite flavor. Sure, you’re disappointed. But you know it has nothing to do with you. You don’t internalize it, except to maybe show up earlier next time.

Contrast to being at the same store, and everyone is waiting for that flavor. Not everyone is getting it. But they don’t go in order. They pick the girl in front of you. And the 2 behind you. But not you. Why weren’t you picked?
Are you chubby and they thought you’d be better off without? Are they prettier than you? There must be a reason.

So your saying ppl should be excepted in the order their application is received? I’m not sure how that is fair either.
If it’s a community school then yes.
Isn’t ocean county Bais yaakov school a community school? Are they accepting everyone?

I wonder if someone will say they don’t want to go there and then upset other schools won’t accept them. Why is that school not good enough?

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:01 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

No.

I explained why an impersonal rejection is easier to handle than one perceived as personal.

I never said that’s how schools should do acceptances. Although, obviously, there is always going to be some element of that.

I don’t have the answer. If I did, I’d go to Lakewood tomorrow and be declared the next thing to moshiach.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 8:43 pm

I cannot imagine the pain of rejection and not knowing what will result. I do have to say though that Lakewood does not have enough schools for the huge amount of families moving in to the surrounding towns.
People need to have a school worked out for their children BEFORE planning their move.
My daughters are in a small school and they hardly accept newcomers unless they have good connections. Even so these classes are getting too big because theres always a ton of pressure for them to accept more and the parents dont appreciate the overcrowded classes.
Those coming in from Brooklyn must open their own schools just like the chassidim do.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:56 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Your comment sounds a little naive about school rejections and acceptances because yes, in Lakewood, this is a problem, but this is a problem(kids having no school or being rejected from many) in many big Jewish areas. And, people cant just move oot if their job is in the city or..

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:58 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

School rejections more closely resemble the latter.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:03 pm

small bean wrote:

Both my girls and boys did not get into the schools I applied to and I'm sorry I was not pained. And I think people get way to offended by things that are not offensive.

My daughter will be applying to high school next year and even though she is a top girl in both middos and academically, I am assuming she won't get in anywhere and I have told her that many times. Because it is not about her. It might be about me or my husband or both of us. Who cares really. I dont expect a service that I have no right to

Being insulted and a lot of these posts scream of entitlement. You are not entitled to any service. Nobody is required to accept your child into school.

You dont like the system of schools choosing who they want. You can move out.

So you are saying you will homeschool your child or send her to public school??? Or do you know you will get into your least favorite pick of schools???

Yes, every jewish child is entitled to a jewish education...if not, then why do all these schools say in their mission statements about caring about children learning torah and...etc...

So, please tell me what your plan is for your dd if she has no school (chv)??? I'm not saying to take this as a personal rejection but rejection that op is talking about is hurtful because she wants her child to get a frum orthodox jewish education!! Do you believe in that??? Did you ever hear of organizations who help public school jewish kids go into yeshiva??? Why??? Bec yes!! The Jewish Frum orthodox community believes every child should have a Jewish education!!

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:11 pm

ectomorph wrote:

I have experienced rejection. But my parents and I understood it wasn't the schools rejecting me personally. You need to develop a healthy attitude.

Sorry, but you sound very unsupportive and unsympathetic. You also seem to have no clue as to what op is talking about.

It's one thing not to get into your top choice but STILL HAVE A DIFFERENT SCHOOL TO GO TO!!

OP has no school as of now for sept....it is not the same as what you described as you were able to get into a different school.

A person who suffers from infertility, will you tell them "develop a healthy attitude "????

Really?? show some sympathy for jewish children with NO JEWISH SCHOOL!!!

small bean

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:14 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

I dont see any mission statement talking about anyone outside the students of theur school.

If I didn't get into any schools in lakewood, I recognize there is life outside of lakewood. There are kids who commute. There are great orthodox high schools outside of lakewood.

I sent my dd to a new school that opened after registration closed for all other schools. It was a class of rejects. That was fine.

Today we have bais yaakov ocean county she can send her dd there. She can apply to other schools she didnt think were her type.

And no we are not entitled to anything. The quicker you internalize that the happier you will be. To fdel victimized over a school rejection, that the school did not owe you anything is sad for you. You don't have to feel that way.

sky

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:43 pm

I don’t believe with elementary schools there has been situations where there was no school at all for a primary child.

Posters keep asking for a community school. Bais yaakov of ocean county is a community school. I have friends who send there and are thrilled. Are they rejecting girls? It’s a mix. Out of the box. I think it’s wonderful the option now exists.

Primary Girls are not getting rejected from every elementary school in September when school starts and going to public school so why even bring up that scenario.

I sometimes wonder if those that are okay they didn’t get into schools first round have a connection to Lakewood. Like I know my husband went to a school with 1 parallel class and only 3 schools. And now that school has 10 parallel classes. So it makes sense they may be full and can’t accept me. (And they didn’t)

But someone who moves here with no connection and is promised a spot in a school by a realtor will feel insulted when they don’t get in because they take it personally because they were told everyone gets in.

Or maybe I’m wrong.

Last edited by sky on Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

southernbubby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:48 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

At this point, the only yeshivas that I donate to are ones that my grandchildren attend or that our kids attended but I would be really surprised if people gave to these yeshivas that reject a lot of students, unless they had sent their children and grandchildren to them. Do people actually donate to the schools that rejected their kids? How does it work if a school accepted one child in the family but rejected the next? Do the grandparents enthusiastically support the school?
Being that I don't live in Lakewood, I don't know if the school placement is a matter of a person's identity and standing in the community, or if it is more like going where the army sends you, in which case it's not a reflection of you.

sky

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:50 pm

southernbubby wrote:

In elementary school once your kids are in school the rest are automatically in.
For high school it’s not as guaranteed because it’s more merit based but most of the time siblings follow as well.

southernbubby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:04 pm

sky wrote:

In elementary school once your kids are in school the rest are automatically in.
For high school it’s not as guaranteed because it’s more merit based but most of the time siblings follow as well.

So how do the schools raise money? I would imagine that everyone supports their own and ignore the rest. I would guess that some schools are parve, meaning that they didn't reject the kids because the family didn't apply to the school. I would regard it as the height of chutzpah if a school rejected my grandchildren and then asked me for a donation. To donate to them would go against my policy anyway. Does that happen? Do people give anyway or do they have hard feelings towards the school?

sky

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:29 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Personally we give only to schools my kids attend. Occasionally we will give if friends are honored by another school. But it’s a one time deal. I’d assume most ppl are only supporting the schools their kids attend.

Eta - my DH is alumni of a Lakewood school and he barely even gives them as we give mainly to our children’s school.

Learning

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:30 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

There have been.

But now they are socially isolated because everyone is in school and they are bored because there is no work to do.
I didn’t read the whole thread but isn’t it obvious that the situation is not fair? Why do little children are giving yidishkiet only if the are coming from social advantage? Be it money or connections ( and yichus is also connections). Why don’t we build a big school that accepts every yeshivish child in Lakewood? (And other schools as well$. Where are the donors? It is better to donate to little children than to the Bais Medrash.

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 6:28 am

small bean wrote:

Ok, so you do have other options for your dd. Maybe you know schools/other options for ops child???

Meanwhile, regarding entitlement and expecting to be accepted...., I forgot to mention what southern Bobby brought up.

All schools take tzedeka and collect from anyone who will give NOT JUST PARENTS!! so, if they are taking tzedeka money, they should be servicing all Jewish kids. Imagine if biker cholim says "sorry we are not helping your family only a different family".

Also, the mission statement of a school is talking only about their students, yes, I agree. But, when these schools advertise and have open houses...etc they tell EVERYONE, EVEN PROSPECTIVE PARENTS ....we care...the principal is so caring...and our school provides a torah education.....so you are basically admitting that WHEN THEY SAY WE CARE!! THEY REALLY ONLY CARE ABOUT THEIR STUDENTS!! Which means they are not really caring as they dont care about children they reject!! Hashem wants us to care about every jew!! So what they really mean is "we only care about your child having a Jewish education only if you have a lot of money, a "perfect " child, or know someone who is important to us such that we are forced to accept your child because of that!!!

Ok, so schools should be honest about this when collecting money and asking for tzedeka for their schools. "We only care about our students!! Now, give us your money so we can educate Jewish kids to get a Jewish education because it is only important for OUR STUDENTS!!!"""