Nurtured Heart Approach vs The Explosive Child

amother

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:46 pm

How do these two approaches differ?? I have begun reading and implementing the NHA and I’m really loving it!!! I think he really gets to the core of the child and builds him up from there. I hope to read the Explosive Child too, yet can't imagine working with two approaches at once. Is there any chinuch expert or therapist who works with any of these methods because I can use the personal coaching as well. IT IS SO HARD!!!!! Literally one step forward 2 steps back. And a support group wouldn’t hurt either...

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:03 pm

Explosive Child is very procedural. Helps kids learn to work through problems. Basically you triage issues that come up as "non-negotiable, I don't care what kind of tantrum this precipitates" (like safety stuff), "non-issues" (not worth fighting over), or "let's learn to problem-solve with this one."

It then teaches you how to work through issues with a child who isn't used to it. Lots of extreme cases, but works well with milder ones too.

I like Nurtured Heart more, feels more natural to me, but I can see where Explosive Child might be necessary, with a kid who isn't responding well enough.

amother

Red

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:22 pm

I've learned both approaches and implement both to some extent. I think you should get really comfortable with nurtured heart before starting to learn collaborative problem solving. They're both very useful, but it can be difficult and confusing to get into the habits you want when there's too much going on. Nurtured heart was a bigger shift for me, and more effective as well. But I definitely recommend the explosive child because it's simple, straightforward and has its place too. This is very individual, anyway. Some kids desperately need one approach, while the other is icing on the cake.

amother

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:57 pm

So it seems like the NHA lays a foundation while the Explosive Child is more detailed... my child is a super intense child-kind of the ‘explosive’ child I guess... I wish that there was somebody out there that can coach me while I implement these skills..?? Anything else anyone would recommend that they found works for discipline. Child defies authority point blank.

amother

Smokey

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:33 am

There is a Facebook group for parents who implement the explosive child method. I joined Facebook just to join that group. It changed my life BH. It's called The B Team

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:03 am

If I don’t have Facebook is there any other way to join? Like through email or an app?? I cannot do this on my own & want (NEED) it to be sustainable!

amother

Maroon

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:05 am

I bought the nurtured heart approach and can’t get through the book because it is so repetitive and poorly written! Am I the only one??? Is there somewhere to get a summary or shortened version?

mha3484

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:37 am

It really depends on your kids personality. My older child who I use the explosive child method with really does not like being complimented which is a big part of the NHA. Its just not his thing. He thrives on collaborating and problem solving.

I think the main premise of Ross Green is that kids do well when they can and no kid wants to misbehave was a huge mind shift for me and it was the best thing I ever did. I have another child who is also challenging but in a different way and I felt really prepared to manage it because I got this foundation in how to view his behavior.

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:22 pm

So I’m using the Nurtured Heart as my parenting method right now with the complimenting and consequences and all. I’m wondering how do I combine two types of parenting?? Does the Explosive Child also guide you how to ‘parent’ the child or rather how to understand where their behavior is stemming from & work with their triggers....??

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:26 pm

As a teacher I can say that I if every principal and colleague of mine would read & somewhat try implement these methods it Would help to avoid so MANY problems later on..

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:36 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Aren't there children who use tantrums to manipulate and get their way? Some children CAN control themselves but learned that tantrums WORK. Of course, not
every time but intermittent re-inforcement is still re-inforcement. This is an
ABA philosophy.

mha3484

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:45 pm

I will disagree with you. Ross Greene is a psychologist who developed the method in the book. He is one of the leading experts in treating challenging children. he has been working with kids like this for 30 years. Its not newfangled. His method has been studied many times and is evidence based.

I would ask myself why my kid thinks the only way to communicate with me is tantrums? No kid wants to throw one. My 9 year old loses control of himself and feels horrible afterwards. It does not feel good at all. He wants to communicate like a mentch but there are lagging skills that often get in the way. You can teach your kid those skills that he is missing and raise a well adjusted adult or you can punish them and ignore the fact that they lack the ability to communicate their needs and you raise an adult with significant difficulties. I call it short term parenting vs long term.

amother

Ivory

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:48 pm

mha3484 wrote:

You summarized the book so well.

mha3484

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:07 pm

Ill get flamed for this but I dont really care.

As for ABA therapy, when the kid is little and they are happy with a small chatcka for doing the task you ask fine I guess but what happens when they are 9,13, in highschool the rewards just get bigger and more expensive and you do end up with a child with a boatload of entitlement. I saw my kid going in that direction fast and stopped all rewards based systems in our house.

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:44 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I was referring to a different part of ABA therapy - never rewarding (re-inforcing) bad behavior. Because SOME kids do use tantrums to get their way.

amother

Red

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:54 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I was referring to a different part of ABA therapy - never rewarding (re-inforcing) bad behavior. Because SOME kids do use tantrums to get their way.

So the question would be, what skills does this child need to learn to communicate more effectively and/or handle disappointment? Eliminating negative behaviors doesn't mean the child will automatically start implementing positive behaviors.