Uncle/niece guidelines

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 7:50 am

Those who have older girls what are your guidelines regarding relationship with their uncles? At what age did they stop touching, yichud, tznius?

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 7:54 am

I have noticed the difference between halacha and what people do. I say it really depends because if the uncle is 90 yr old (or much younger) it's different

Last edited by Ruchel on Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:45 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 8:54 am

Ruchel wrote:

I have noticed the difference between halacha and what people do. I say it really depends because if the uncle is 90 yr old (or much younger) it's different

Interesting point. What I am thinking about is specifically regarding a younger uncle (teens,20s) but interested in hearing all viewpoints

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:16 am

The rabbi we follow says no touching from age 3.
When my aunt got married, her husband followed a different minhag
My father very nicely told him in front of me that I'm already a big girl and he cant touch me.
That's it:)
And there was no monkey business cuz we knew each other heard
(And no place for awkward/ inappropriate situations bh)

monseymom25

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:16 am

I could be wrong but I don't think the halacha differentiates between a 90 year old uncle and a 21 year old uncle. Just like my husband has zero attraction to my 75 year old mom, but he isnt allowed to touch her.

amother

Gold

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:20 am

I have an uncle my age, we practically grew up together. But my parents strictly enforced a no touching rule from around age 5/6.
I have afew young brothers and brothers in law around the ages of my girls. I'm also pretty strict with touching. You can play and have fun with touching & sitting on each other's.

amother

Gold

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:21 am

monseymom25 wrote:

Is there a difference between an uncle and any man?

L'halacha there's no difference.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:22 am

I always learned that no touching, singing etc. starts from the age of 9.
If you follow the torah and not what you think makes sense than it matters not if the uncle is 20 or 90. Assur is assur.

amother

Violet

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:30 am

monseymom25 wrote:

Is there a difference between an uncle and any man?

Yes. It is MORE stringent.
There's a concept in kitzur shulchan aruch called "libo gas uluv" (sorry, can't do Hebrew on my phone). That means that anybody you have extra warmth or friendship with needs extra stringency with regard to hilchos yichud. I think the examples brought in halacha are a mother in law and her first son in law, and cousins.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:44 am

monseymom25 wrote:

Please re read my post.

wow people eww the anonymous bashing.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 9:47 am

I am puzzled that a first son in law would be any different.

I absolutely see a difference in the case of cousins etc since they can be both friends and shidduch

Halacha wise, ask your shaila, as I said I was right, everyone here has a diff psak

If yo udo not see more trouble if the uncle and niece are same age, tha n if he is 90 and she is 20, or she is 20 and he is 10, ON YOU! That will be my last post due to anon basher

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:49 am

Ruchel wrote:

Please re read my post.

wow people eww the anonymous bashing.

Um, I did re read your post and this is what you wrote:
I say it really depends because if the uncle is 90 yr old (or much younger) it's different

I'm confused.

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 11:46 am

Wow age 3!! I have never heard that and it seems so young Surprised

Is that straight up halacha or something that needs to be asked from lor? I'm almost scared to ask cuz I'm scared I cant enforce that.
Can those of you who hold from age 3 please tell me it's possible? Your brothers dont play or hold your kids when they turn 3? How do you even explain that to a toddler?

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:21 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

לבו גס בה - lit. his heart is familiar with her.

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow age 3!! I have never heard that and it seems so young Surprised

You tell 3 y.o. that she is a "big girl" and just like uncle doesn't pick up Mommy or big sisters, uncle can't pick her up. Most kids like being "big". Sometimes 3 y.o. is jealous cuz uncle can pick up brothers. We tell 3 y.o. to ask Totty or Zeidy to pick her up.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow age 3!! I have never heard that and it seems so young Surprised

My uncle asked a shaila because I had no awareness of it as a little girl. He was told that it's fine if I really had no awareness at all. Everyone does need to ask their own shaila, though, for their own circumstances.

This is the halacha. I remember being absolutely floored when I learned it in 7th grade. I never even knew there was a concept of yichud or shomer negiah with an uncle embarrassed

amother

Magenta

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:29 pm

There's was absolutely no bashing here!!!
She just stated a different opinion! Scratching Head

She even wrote"I could be wrong" looks pretty respectful to me!!!