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Help me excuse myself that I have cleaning help
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:13 pm
I have 4 kids and the oldest one is almost seven. I work Monday - Thursday 9-4. I have 6 hours of cleaning help which comes out to $90 a week. I just "borrowed" a few hundred dollars from savings and the money went directly to my cleaning lady cash envelope.

I used to only have three hours a week. When I let that lady go I looked for someone to come 3 hours twice a week. I see a definite improvement in the state of my house and I don't have meltdowns that "OMG my house is a roaring pigsty im beyond help" anymore.

I am a messy person by nature. If I was just more on top of it, used my time better (imamother Surprised ) I wouldnt need as much help. I would love a new shaitel or to put money into the house and 100 or 50 dollars a week put away could go further. However I know that this cleaning help is very good to keep my calm and happy. but why oh why am I so lazy and messy that I require it??!?!

Help me feel good about myself that I have this help when I can only questionably afford it and can in all honesty find the time to do it myself. Most people I know have more help than me but when I think of what else I can be doing with the money, I how much time I waste in the evening its a little depressing.
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thriver




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:27 pm
Validate yourself! If you have cleaning help and it is helpful to you, relax. Enjoy it. Don’t let your mind wander to comparing and what ifs. Hashem has cheshboned our your money and your needs. If you have other things you need, you will get them when you need them regardless of how you are spending your money currently. It sounds like this is a necessity right now. So enjoy it all the way. Don’t consider the time you call “wasting” at night a waste. Downtime is also a necessity. Allow yourself that guilt free.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:29 pm
It's not a hanging offense.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:32 pm
But seriously, it makes much more sense from an economic perspective to do what you're good at and hire someone else for other tasks.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:37 pm
You don't need excuses! You work all day! You take care of 4 children! You don't have to be running and doing and being accomplishing for all the hours of the day. Its okay! You're allowed to give yourself a break in the evening! Its six hours! Not endless! This is important! Its part of your support system to be able to keep doing all that you're doing! You don't need to feel guilty! Enjoy it!
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thepickled




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:56 pm
Your mental health and peace of mind are worth money. That’s it. If that’s what cleaning helps brings you (as it does me), it’s money well spent.

Last edited by thepickled on Mon, Jan 13 2020, 3:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:58 pm
I recall hearing advice in the name of a renowned chinuch/shalom bayis speaker that if she could rewind and do it all over again she would have gotten more cleaning help when she was raising children. what is does for your mental health and emotional health daily is just as if not more important than a shaitel or new dress.
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amother




Amber
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have 4 kids and the oldest one is almost seven. I work Monday - Thursday 9-4. I have 6 hours of cleaning help which comes out to $90 a week. I just "borrowed" a few hundred dollars from savings and the money went directly to my cleaning lady cash envelope.

I used to only have three hours a week. When I let that lady go I looked for someone to come 3 hours twice a week. I see a definite improvement in the state of my house and I don't have meltdowns that "OMG my house is a roaring pigsty im beyond help" anymore.

I am a messy person by nature. If I was just more on top of it, used my time better (imamother Surprised ) I wouldnt need as much help. I would love a new shaitel or to put money into the house and 100 or 50 dollars a week put away could go further. However I know that this cleaning help is very good to keep my calm and happy. but why oh why am I so lazy and messy that I require it??!?!

Help me feel good about myself that I have this help when I can only questionably afford it and can in all honesty find the time to do it myself. Most people I know have more help than me but when I think of what else I can be doing with the money, I how much time I waste in the evening its a little depressing.


Are you me??
I work same hours same amount of kids and same mess!
I keep on reminding myself for now cleaning help is a necessity
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Chaya123




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:23 pm
You don't need an excuse for cleaning help! Every hardworking Jewish mother deserves one. Like I say, it's still cheaper than therapy...
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amother




Lime
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:23 pm
I have 3 kids. I am a sahm.
I have 7-8 hours weekly. Comes out about $100.
I dont feel guilty.
I could be spending those 400 a month eleswhere. Like buy a new sheitel (desparately need a new one) or for bins to keep my closets more organized or a million other ways.
I know I could. I still choose this. Becuase this to me is sanity.

It makes me a calm haply mother. And is cheaper than therapy (200+ for 45 min) that my kids might need if not. Lol.

A clean house is very important to me. And with a crawling baby..... I can never get the house properly clean. Im not anxious if the kids make a huge mess becuase "the lady will come clean it up...."
I do teach my kids to clean after themsleves but kids are kids.
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:26 pm
I really don’t think you need an excuse.
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:28 pm
I have 5-6 hours of cleaning help weekly yes I work all week.... but dont have kids home all married BH or in yeshiva I dont feel guilty at all
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:31 pm
You don't need an excuse. I have always had cleaning help. Even as a newlywed. Even during times that I've been a sahm. I hate housekeeping and am lousy at it to boot. I have ADHD and depression. I have enough money to outsource housekeeping, so I do. It's nobody's business and I don't owe anyone an explanation.
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:47 pm
Its your money. You don't need to explain to anyone else how you choose to spend it.

Cleaning help is a priority for you? Kol hakavod. Stop worrying about excusing it, and start enjoying it.

Something else is a priority for someone else? Kol Hakavod to them as well.

Come back and talk to me if you're spending money you don't have, and its impacting how you feed your kids. Until then, go for it.
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CHMother




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 1:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have 4 kids and the oldest one is almost seven. I work Monday - Thursday 9-4. I have 6 hours of cleaning help which comes out to $90 a week. I just "borrowed" a few hundred dollars from savings and the money went directly to my cleaning lady cash envelope.

I used to only have three hours a week. When I let that lady go I looked for someone to come 3 hours twice a week. I see a definite improvement in the state of my house and I don't have meltdowns that "OMG my house is a roaring pigsty im beyond help" anymore.

I am a messy person by nature. If I was just more on top of it, used my time better (imamother Surprised ) I wouldnt need as much help. I would love a new shaitel or to put money into the house and 100 or 50 dollars a week put away could go further. However I know that this cleaning help is very good to keep my calm and happy. but why oh why am I so lazy and messy that I require it??!?!

Help me feel good about myself that I have this help when I can only questionably afford it and can in all honesty find the time to do it myself. Most people I know have more help than me but when I think of what else I can be doing with the money, I how much time I waste in the evening its a little depressing.


Someone once told me the smartest thing about cleaning help:

If you had the choice of taking on an hour of work or an hour of cleaning, which would you prefer? If the answer is that you'd rather work, then by all means pay someone else to clean!

Obviously making the decision to hire cleaning help depends on so many factors, but you've already made that decision. I like to say that the reason I don't clean as much as I could (I have a lot more time to clean than I actually do) is because "I hate cleaning just a little bit more than I hate a messy house."

If you have the ability to have cleaning help, you are doing a great service to your family by maintaining your own (and your family's) sanity.

Just my opinion.
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zaftigmom




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 2:31 pm
I work similar hours and I only have 2 kids. My cleaning help is as much of a necessity as running water. I can live without either one but it wouldn't be healthy or pleasant.
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graphic613




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 3:37 pm
you don't need to explain or excuse yourself. You need cleaning help! In fact if you did not have cleaning help I'd wonder how you function.
If you want to cut down so you can save up for a wig or putting work into the house maybe cut out an hour or a day. So the kid's room won't get cleaned one day....the laundry will wait another day to be folded...
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amother




Navy
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 3:45 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I recall hearing advice in the name of a renowned chinuch/shalom bayis speaker that if she could rewind and do it all over again she would have gotten more cleaning help when she was raising children. what is does for your mental health and emotional health daily is just as if not more important than a shaitel or new dress.

I was going to write this.
Rebbetzin Zahava Braunstein a”h said this on one of her tape classes that I listened to years ago. I use this as my excuse since I don’t even work and I have more hours than you.
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 3:47 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I recall hearing advice in the name of a renowned chinuch/shalom bayis speaker that if she could rewind and do it all over again she would have gotten more cleaning help when she was raising children. what is does for your mental health and emotional health daily is just as if not more important than a shaitel or new dress.


Rebbetzin zahava braunstein. I just came in to say that. And my sister, who's been in their house lots, said that she had a lot of help. But her point is, do what's good for you to feel calm, because at the end of the day, that's what your kids need. A calm mother. I see the difference in myself when I don't have a cleaning lady. I'm a mess. Poor kids then!
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Librarian




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 6:25 pm
Rebbetzin Braunstein quoted "Bread, water and a cleaning lady"
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