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Forum
-> Parenting our children
mommy201
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 Tue, Jan 14 2020, 8:04 pm
| amother [ Orchid ] wrote: | I didn’t either
Then I had son number six...
He figuratively did the spitting you referred to,
I was tough-
He laughed in my face.
First time in my life I spanked-
He said “more”.
Then I turned to Blimy
The rest is history |
Thank you! For showing to others that don’t believe in “liberal” parenting that you were once been there done that and how you changed your approach and how that changes everyone life around you.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 8:58 pm
| amother [ Orchid ] wrote: | I didn’t either
Then I had son number six...
He figuratively did the spitting you referred to,
I was tough-
He laughed in my face.
First time in my life I spanked-
He said “more”.
Then I turned to Blimy
The rest is history |
Wooow !! my oldest it’s close to this, not that much ,so happy that it helped!
Gives me hope!
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amother
Emerald
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 9:04 pm
Hi! I just wanna say that I like to think of myself as a gentle and respectful parent... am I perfect? Absolutely not, far from that. Yes I make mistakes and yes I slip up, but my relationship with my kids, and In life, has changed so much and I am so so grateful for learning more about gentle and respectful parenting.
And the fact that your even asking means that it pulls you, which mean- that you actually know, and actually have the answer within yourself!
I also took Blimi’s course and it was so amazing! It was definitely worth it for me.
Regarding your question- I have 2 kids, which is less than 3. And yes, I totally get how hard it is, and how not practical it can feel at times, and frustrating and actually really work- on ourselves!
Though I can tell you that it’s so rewarding... and also, perhaps let go of the notion that it has to be perfect.
Taking the course truly helped me hone in on the skills, and see that I’m doing this with more people, and really learn what’s behind this mindset and why it makes so much sense and why I want to do this for my kids.
For those saying that no one approach is perfect for everyone, I agree, to an extent. And definitely hear what you all are saying, and to you OP- I want to say that this “approach” is not a program and not a set of rules, it’s a mindset and that’s what’s also so beautiful about the course, cuz it’s not a set of rules, it’s educating you and helping you shift your mindset and yes learn how to do it, but not in a black and white type of way or this is how we do it.
Good luck 💕
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amother
Jetblack
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 9:40 pm
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So my parenting is gentle and respectful & mostly done in a calm manner. Yes, I am an in-tune & understanding parent & always have a listening ear. BUT I need major help in the discipline department. It is so hard for me and goes against my gentle nature. Can Blimie help toughen me me up??
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amother
Orchid
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 10:02 pm
Yup. You’ll toughen up in a gentle way
Sounds like an oxymoron?
It’s the truth!
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amother
Jetblack
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 10:50 pm
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I need honest responses please. I’m not looking for a course that will encourage me to back down & look away even more than I am already. I Took such a course and it did way more damage then good... My boys are super intense & energetic & I’m looking for something that can help create a really firm, STRONG, & confident mom!
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#BestBubby
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 10:55 pm
| amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | | I need honest responses please. I’m not looking for a course that will encourage me to back down & look away even more than I am already. I Took such a course and it did way more damage then good... My boys are super intense & energetic & I’m looking for something that can help create a really firm, STRONG, & confident mom! |
Maybe Dina Friedman's course is better for you. Not that I took it but from what I hear.
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mommy201
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 11:19 pm
| amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | | I need honest responses please. I’m not looking for a course that will encourage me to back down & look away even more than I am already. I Took such a course and it did way more damage then good... My boys are super intense & energetic & I’m looking for something that can help create a really firm, STRONG, & confident mom! |
Everyone is being very honest. It is more difficult to explain. You will understand once you take the course. She does Not tell you go back down and ignore and look away. That’s the preconceived notion that everyone things when they hear “gentle parenting”. Yes you will be come a strong and confident mom.
You can pm me with more questions.
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amother
Jetblack
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 11:25 pm
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Thanks! I appreciate that.
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Zehava
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 11:43 pm
| amother [ Orchid ] wrote: | I didn’t either
Then I had son number six...
He figuratively did the spitting you referred to,
I was tough-
He laughed in my face.
First time in my life I spanked-
He said “more”.
Then I turned to Blimy
The rest is history |
I was that child. Figuratively. I was in so much pain and trauma. But there was no way anyone would be able to see that.
My children are lucky I remember what it was like.
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Tzutzie
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Tue, Jan 14 2020, 11:54 pm
So I just finished 2 of these (not the facetime one) and I have to say, I like her!!! I really like her approach. I agree with her and ive been doing similar with my kids for a little while now. Hers seems like and "upgraded and inproved" version of what I do with my kids.
Too bad I'm in middle of a different parentinf workshop at the moment. I can see both approaches working well together. (Modified of course)
Oh, and blimi seams like such a kind gentle and down to earth personable person too.
Thank you op for starting this tbread! And thank you #bestbubby
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mommy201
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 12:17 am
| Tzutzie wrote: | So I just finished 2 of these (not the facetime one) and I have to say, I like her!!! I really like her approach. I agree with her and ive been doing similar with my kids for a little while now. Hers seems like and "upgraded and inproved" version of what I do with my kids.
Too bad I'm in middle of a different parentinf workshop at the moment. I can see both approaches working well together. (Modified of course)
Oh, and blimi seams like such a kind gentle and down to earth personable person too.
Thank you op for starting this tbread! And thank you #bestbubby |
All this talk makes me feel so happy! I just love that so many people are changing their approaches to be like thus one because we know the insane benefits and better kids and better place our kids and the world will be in.
Yes I know blimie personally and she’s so normal, down to earth and relatable, which to me was a big factor in a parenting course.
She is awesome! The approach is awesome! And all you mothers are awesome for even wanting to try!
And yeah, thanks #bestbubby for the links. That was really nice that you took the time to find out research for others.
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amother
Orchid
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 12:37 am
| Zehava wrote: | I was that child. Figuratively. I was in so much pain and trauma. But there was no way anyone would be able to see that.
My children are lucky I remember what it was like. |
Yeah
That was me as well-
That’s why I was triggered so bad.
I took the next level course: deep dive with Blimy and Social worker Bruchy Moskovics: how trauma from our pasts triggers our parenting... It was eye opening.
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banana123
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 2:39 am
| mommy201 wrote: | | Firstly banana123 why is gentleness and gentle parenting different? |
"Gentle parenting" is the name of a specific system, which does not work for every child. "Gentleness" means acting with gentleness even when you need to do something that isn't in line with the "gentle parenting" approach.
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amother
cornflower
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 9:45 am
| banana123 wrote: | | "Gentle parenting" is the name of a specific system, which does not work for every child. "Gentleness" means acting with gentleness even when you need to do something that isn't in line with the "gentle parenting" approach. |
I guess you can say this, because yes, there are those who take gentle parenting as an “approach” however, I did not find Blimie’s course to be that way at all. It gave me information to have a tremendous mind shift, which is leading me on my own personalized gentle parenting journey.
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amother
Orchid
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 9:57 am
| amother [ cornflower ] wrote: | | I guess you can say this, because yes, there are those who take gentle parenting as an “approach” however, I did not find Blimie’s course to be that way at all. It gave me information to have a tremendous mind shift, which is leading me on my own personalized gentle parenting journey. |
I found that too
I don’t call myself anything
But I look at my kids in a different light. I interact with them differently. A child is a little human. A precious little human.
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mommy201
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 10:04 am
| banana123 wrote: | | "Gentle parenting" is the name of a specific system, which does not work for every child. "Gentleness" means acting with gentleness even when you need to do something that isn't in line with the "gentle parenting" approach. |
Not sure. I just googled "gentle parenting approach" and it seems to be very in line with Blimie's approach (https://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/family/gentle-parenting-489844)
It doesn't say anywhere about looking away and letting kids to what they want.
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sneakermom
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 10:42 am
I love one aspect of gentle parenting. The respect and honor it gives to another human being. And how it builds attachment for our kids.
However, I do have a concern when discipline is seen as cruel, or hurtful to the child’s development.
Then we are sculpting snowflakes who expect special treatment and uber empathy in all areas of life.
Does gentle parenting allow for expectations of the child? Does it teach the child how to come outside of themselves? Does it teach the child to do things they don’t like?
If so. Then explain how. I am genuinely interested to understand.
I’ve seen gentle parenting go to the extreme of offering great sympathy to a child who slammed his sister to the floor and then proceeded to cry that he got hurt while doing that.
I was genuinely horrified.
And just as a disclaimer, I am a very attuned mother. That’s my strength in general. But just as much as kids need attunement I feel they need boundaries and expectations.
For example last night I spent time with my seven year old daughter before bed. We had great fun together and naturally she wanted me to stay and play instead of going to bed.
I was attuned. I mirrored how fun it was and that because she loves me she wants me to stay. She started to get very bouncy and ran downstairs in protest. I firmly called her back upstairs and told her that if she wants to bake cookies tomorrow she needs to get into bed and stay there. I was really tough about it. And then I added another attachment piece (which I think is a bit permissive) that after I spend time with the next child I will come back and give her a kiss.
So there you have attunement and some discipline.
How would a gentle parenting approach deal with that situation?
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mommy201
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:34 am
| sneakermom wrote: | I love one aspect of gentle parenting. The respect and honor it gives to another human being. And how it builds attachment for our kids.
However, I do have a concern when discipline is seen as cruel, or hurtful to the child’s development.
Then we are sculpting snowflakes who expect special treatment and uber empathy in all areas of life.
Does gentle parenting allow for expectations of the child? Does it teach the child how to come outside of themselves? Does it teach the child to do things they don’t like?
If so. Then explain how. I am genuinely interested to understand.
I’ve seen gentle parenting go to the extreme of offering great sympathy to a child who slammed his sister to the floor and then proceeded to cry that he got hurt while doing that.
I was genuinely horrified.
And just as a disclaimer, I am a very attuned mother. That’s my strength in general. But just as much as kids need attunement I feel they need boundaries and expectations.
For example last night I spent time with my seven year old daughter before bed. We had great fun together and naturally she wanted me to stay and play instead of going to bed.
I was attuned. I mirrored how fun it was and that because she loves me she wants me to stay. She started to get very bouncy and ran downstairs in protest. I firmly called her back upstairs and told her that if she wants to bake cookies tomorrow she needs to get into bed and stay there. I was really tough about it. And then I added another attachment piece (which I think is a bit permissive) that after I spend time with the next child I will come back and give her a kiss.
So there you have attunement and some discipline.
How would a gentle parenting approach deal with that situation? |
Proper Gentle Parenting doesn't see discipline as cruel. It depends on how the discipline is implemented.
Empathizing actually promotes empathy in your child and teaches them to handle life and disappointments better. And it also helps them be more understanding and empathetic for their own relationships.
Regarding your example. Firstly empathy and sympathy are different. Sympathy is very superficial and not connecting and empathy is connection on a deeper level.
Yes the child who hit the child does deserve empathy because they are your child and you love them unconditionally. But, its not a contradiction to discipline. They do need to be disciplined in a calm environment so that they can internalize what they did wrong and assume responsibility for their actions. By punishing them, you are taking responsibility for their actions and they get to walk away guilt-free because the punishment you gave them accounted for what they did. It definitely is not ok what they did and needs to be addressed but it is in the "how" you address it.
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Hashem_Yaazor
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Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:57 am
sneakermom, you sound like a great mom. If you have a way of parenting that works for you, and is not damaging your child (this definitely doesn't sound like it  ) by all means stick with it!
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