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We would love to be guests at your Shabbos table.please read
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 12:47 pm
My husband and I have lived in our large community for many years. We currently do not have children and most of our family is not frum. We both have medical issues (that are generally not obvious to others) so our ability to have company is very difficult for us. over the years, we did not have company for extended periods of time. now when we do have company, we buy mostly take out to ease the physical work with company. we almost always invite a person/s who may be alone otherwise in addition to a couple of families as we know what it is like to be alone. We have a small group of friends ; most of them are unaware of our situation.It's embarrassing that we live in our community for so long but are often isolated. We dread Yom Tov and Shabbos because we are often alone. People see that we very rarely have guests sleep over. It's sad that people do not seem to realize or care that we are alone. We recently started inviting people who we are friendly with but not necessary our friends (yet). some people can't or don't invite us back. We feel it is because people are very focused on their children having other children to play with . we understand that, but when people have company the children are not always same age and gender. we always have kid friendly food, special dietary food for whoever needs it (GF, allergies) and age appropriate toys, games, and book available. we are social people who easily engage in conversations and we help serve and clean up (despite physical issues). We have written to Jewish newspaper about this, but I think people always think of the divorced and widowed, but not about couple without children.
We do not want to be nebach cases where we speak to the Rabbi and then he has people from the community invite us over for the "chesed Shabbos."
Please look around your community and see who is alone and please invite them. Thank you
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 12:50 pm
How do they know you want it?
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 12:57 pm
My heart hurts with you. I could have written this post years ago (actually, I might have). Bh we are in a different place in life now. My bracha to you is that you will receive refuah and yeshua soon.
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ddmom




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 1:11 pm
I hope you get invited out!
If you live in Lakewood pm me I'm always looking for guests and have a hard time finding ppl that want to come! (babies, no eiruv...)
I also don't think you should feel like a nebach case for mentioning it to your rabbi!
I have a hard time picking up the phone and inviting ppl but I never in my life regretted having guests once they came!
It's always a pleasure to meet new friends!
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amother




Lime
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 1:21 pm
for years I was looking for friends until I realized that there are agunos/ divorcees/ singles/ developmentally disabled who seem to be isolated, elderly people.

I would suggest you start by volunteering in small capacities. Like eating breakfast with an elderly man. Or buying groceries for a wheelchair bound woman or whatever.

Speak to the Rabbi of the nearest kosher rehab or nursing home facility.
Or the family crisis center of the Bikur Cholim of your city..
There are people who really need you and once they know the friendship turns into a mutual friendship.

No one is a nebach. No one is superior or inferior in such a relationship.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 2:27 pm
Ask . Maybe people think you rather eat at home, or because you are a good cook thry are embarssed to invite.
Say "We would love to eat out one meal this week if it works for you" leave an opening" if it does not work so another time...
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 2:29 pm
We love guest! We have all different types of people at our table. Ask! That is the only way to go about it many times. We usually get asked from people if they can come. It’s a very normal thing to do.
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 2:40 pm
Try. Shabbat.com
I would invite guest but my husband does not like having them
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 2:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We feel it is because people are very focused on their children having other children to play with .


this may or may not be the reason, OP. I know that for myself, we rarely have Shabbos guests that have kids at all. Mostly young couples or older singles. My kids are fine with that - we include them in the conversation and goings on, so that the Shabbos meal is as much about them as it is about the company.

It could be that people are shy to ask you. Maybe they are afraid you might feel bad because they have children. I know people who think that a childless couple would not want to come to them (and there are some who wouldn't.) I think letting people know this is not the case might help.

As for myself, I invite people when I can. My family needs a balance of company and times to ourselves, so I don't invite company every week. When I do invite company, I have several family obligations/relationships plus friends in the mix, so I tend to rotate, and sometimes it takes a while for me to invite someone new, or someone again.
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amother




Navy
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 3:09 pm
Ruchel wrote:
How do they know you want it?


Seriously? Most people like company over isolation. (And if they don’t like to go out they can say no thanks. Better to reach out then not).
Plus, when someone hosts you it’s considerate to return the favor.

We are the family that always hosts but rarely gets invited out. Even though I’m happier at home, it means the world to me just to be invited, to know someone thought of us and cared enough.

OP are you comfortable to say where you live? Perhaps there are Imamothers who would like the chance to host you and get to know you.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 3:19 pm
I would never think a couple feels like a lone person. Now if you host all the time they may think you like hosting. But yes they should reciprocate.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 3:31 pm
Being honest here, sorry.
I think, if I slightly knew a couple that didn’t have children I probably wouldn’t invite them, thinking
They won’t be interested in sitting at my zoo,
They would feel uncomfortable being surrounded by a bunch of kids
The talk, the mess, the crying would make me feel inadequate.
They might judge me for my parenting being that they don’t know the challenge of raising decent kids
I might have to give kids a lot of att and won’t get to talk to guest.

It’s eye opening to hear this.
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LittleMissMama




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 22 2020, 10:59 pm
I'm very sorry you feel alone. May I ask how often you get invited out?

We have 2-4 families a month over for meals and yet only receive about 5 invites a year. I think most people don't host as often as you think they do.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 12:18 am
I understand your pain.
We hardly have guest over, because I feel overwhelmed with my life.
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seeker




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 12:48 am
Thank you for sharing that. I think it's true that people automatically jump to thinking of single/divorced/widow(er) as needing company without realizing that a couple can need company too. I really don't think it's the kids part - I think when I go out my kids prefer to have someone to play with, but at home there are pluses either way.
I don't host much for personal reasons but we love having guests when the circumstances permit - meals only, no space for sleeps, so if you live near me please reach out and I'll let you know next time I'm open.
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abound




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 2:07 am
I host a lot, most of my guest call me to invite themselves. I don't have too many shabbosim to invite people first.
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 6:07 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
I understand your pain.
We hardly have guest over, because I feel overwhelmed with my life.


I have a health condition and I am so glad to stay home with my husband on shabbos and rest up. When I do have guests it is hard for me so I don't usually have company. We don't get invited out so much but I don't mind. I like my own house and my own food. When I was single I spent many years shlepping around and being a guest at others so I am so happy to be in my own home with my husband.
During the week I do have friends that I see so that is good for my social life. we go out for coffee or lunch. It doesn't have to be on shabbos that you get together with others.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:30 am
Thank you for this reminder.
We would love to have you.
We used to have a couple like you and I pulled back a bit because I am struggling emotionally. It does not seem that way, but take my word.
But that you for reminding me that you are willing to come to my home even if it is not the picture perfect place.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 8:54 am
We haven’t hosted since I have been so busy with my work. we literally buy soup for Friday night and deli for shabbos day. We have people that we have to invite back but no week is good for us because I get home 20 minutes before shabbos. Also, People need meals after giving birth, but we have frozen dinners every night. People must think we don’t like them but it’s so not true! I wish we could have people over and make shabbos more lively and exciting!
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Thu, Jan 23 2020, 9:33 am
We don't host much. When we do, we are usually strategically inviting a family to help a kid's friendship along with their kid. Or someone calls me and asks. Mostly, we host our kids' friends (just the kids, not their parents.)

Is it hard for you to host if you buy the food and use plastic?
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