What makes you a good mother?

Ribbie Danzinger

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:38 am

Everybody has their positive points on mothering their children. Let's learn from each other (or discuss) what it is that makes us good mothers.

I like to think that I have an understanding ear. I try to hear my childrens' inner voices and help them work through their problems with insight and advice.

amother

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:40 am

This is actually a pretty sore topic right now. Recently I've been feeling almost like I'm not worthy of the title. I have so little patience to my children and I don't think I really take enough time out to really try to understand them. Among other things.

Ribbie Danzinger

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:47 am

amother, you can start a new thread about your feelings of inadequacy. The idea here is to focus on the positive. Wink

cdawnr

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 8:48 am

I think this is a geat thread because I think many of us spend time, like amother, focussing on how we are messing up or not doing things right!

I think I am a good mom b/c I teach my kids independence while giving them love. Also I think I am good at seeing their differences.

yentaof8

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 8:58 am

I'm not a perfectionist and I don't expect them to be. While I encourage that they do their best, there's no pressure on them to be the best. B"H, it seems to be effective - they are pretty easygoing, well-adjusted non-demanding kids who do well academically and socially - no obvious hang-ups.

mom23

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 10:00 am

I think I'm a good mom because I am an advocate for my children. I also feel I give my children a loving, non-pressured home to live in. One of the things I am most proud of is that I have an open door policy for my children's friends. Yes, at times it's hard to have over 15 extra kids in my house all Shabbos long, but I know that my children love it. I'm hoping this will continue into their teenage years and that my house will be the "hangout house".

tovasmom

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 10:24 am

I understand that each of my kids has a different personality and I try to work within the parameters of each. I am also an advocate for my children and have trouble taking "no" for an answer.

Akeres Habayis

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 1:22 pm

I'm agood mother,bc I try and convey to my children I am listening and I am always available for them.

Sparkle

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 1:28 pm

Ooooh, this is a great thread. I just started realizing the need for this IRL. Starting last week I make myself tell myself (how is that for dillusional?)everyday things I am doing right as a mother. I have so much doubt and frustration with myself since my eldest is a VERY difficult child. This has been helping me so much. So here goes:

I am a flexible mother. I can tolerate mess and chaos very well.
I am a loving mother. I give my kids tons of hugs and kisses and tell them how much I love them everyday.
I have improved so much over the last year with not yelling and being patient and calm with my children.

Clarissa

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 1:49 pm

I'm extremely loving and affectionate.
They can talk to me about absolutely anything, anytime. Nothing is off-limits.
Open-minded.
Creative and fun. We laugh a lot around here.
Good baker. Lots of homemade desserts.
I love to read and talk about books.
Am available 24 hours a day for anyone who needs his tummy rubbed or to talk about a bad dream. I'm a light sleeper so someone just needs to tiptoe into my room and I'm up.
Am usually very loving to my husband. I think a warm marriage is the most important thing for happy children. Makes them feel secure.
Am willing to pull out my hair to comfort a child. I mean that. My baby insists on going to sleep while gripping one of my hairs, so I have to routinely get one or two for him.

(eta: I'm looking forward to the thread asking what makes me a lousy mother. I think I'd have quite a few for that one, as well)

MommyLuv

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 2:21 pm

I give great big bear hugs. Very Happy

I'm also an awesome booboo kisser. Tongue Out

MahPitom

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:29 pm

When my kids walk through the door, I am completely and totally cut off from the telephone. When I saw my second child pick up a toy, put it by his ear by 10 months old and shouted, Yeh? into the phone I knew my phone days were over. Why should a phone conversation be the first thing a baby says! What’s my proof that I’m doing the right thing? When I do make a call if it’s urgent, my kids totally 100% freak out.

Maya

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:36 pm

I don't really have kids like the ages described above. I only have a 2-year-old. But I think I am a good mother to him by listening to his stories and helping him have a good time when he is home. Also, I think I am doing a good thing by sending him to playgroup. He is enjoying that a lot more than he would sitting home.

I agree with Clarissa about having a warm marriage. I guess that's one more thing I can add to my short list.

RedRuby

Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:56 pm

I read aloud to my kids every night.

I make sure we eat dinner as a family every night.

I bake with my kids.

I greet them with a smile and hugs when they walk through the door after school.

And another echo to Clarissa...

I have a warm and loving marriage that gives my children a warm and safe foundation.

amother

Fri, Jan 18 2008, 12:00 am

I;m a new mother I feel that I wanna give my daughter all the love and TLC possible.I am just realizing now that my mother was an amazing mother, although I didnt think that always. she was always there for us phsically, tended to all our needs, raised us to be frum and not to ever complain.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 18 2008, 8:43 am

I love to play
I’ll be able to help with the homework
I plan to give limits but in the end pick my battles
I don’t mind mess, I am far from the order obsessed mother
I will be able to guide them with their readings
I plan to make them taste everything, but not force
And ditto for the good marriage

ChossidMom

Tue, Jan 29 2008, 2:04 pm

What a great thread! I think that everyone on this board needs to come here and POST. No lurkers allowed LOL

Too many of us do focus on how inadequate we are as wives/mothers/friens/PEOPLE. And that is simply not what Yiddishkeit is about. It is the number one biggest yetzer hora (I think) that women have. We should probably read what we've written here every day!
So, now to my list. Let's see if I can cup up with anything.
1. I am a fun Mommy. I love to laugh with my kids. There is nothing like that moment when myself and a child are sharing a joke. Our eyes lock and we start to giggle. Nothing like it.

2. I try to really listen to my kids when they talk to me. I learned this originally from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk. And also from life. I think that over the years I have become a much better listener than I used to be. The proof is that sometimes a friend will say "You're such a great listener!". That is the ultimate compliment. I think that the Chofetz Chaim said that smiling at someone is a bigger tsedaka than money (or something along those lines. I'm sure someon can whip out the makor for that).

3. I turn on music and dance with my kids all the time. They love it.

4. I encourage them to be independent and as a result they have so much self confidence. Today, I had to arrive home late and coincidentally my 10 year old daughter got out of school early because of a headache. She picked up my 4 and 2 year olds, gave them lunch, did sponja on my floor and prepared my husband and I lunch. Can you believe it? Ok, it's not like this every day but I must be doing something right. I try to emphasize the positive and give lots of compliments. Maybe that helps.

5. I take time out for a parenting class every week. It's based on the teachings of Rav Wolbe and has changed my life! I see the change in my kids too.

6. I let my kids bake Challah with me (I know women who don't have the patience and patience is not exactly my best virtue either).

7. I try to take each of the big ones out alone every now and then for special time.

8. I try to touch my kids every day.

9. I try to daven for my kids every day.

10. I try to spend some time appreciating my kids every day.

11. I used to spend over an hour doing homework with my daughter every day until I got her into a special ed class this year. Believe me, it was very hard on our relationship but I knew it was important.

12. When I'm with my kids I try to be WITH MY KIDS, if you know what I mean.

13. MY OLDER SISTER SAYS I'M A GREAT MOTHER LOL

My list is the longest, but I'll bet you can all make a long list if you just dig deep enough and get real detailed. The more details the better for you!!!

amother

Tue, Jan 29 2008, 2:19 pm

I really don't know what constitutes a good mother because I see fine kids coming out of all sorts of homes.....

ChossidMom

Tue, Jan 29 2008, 2:22 pm

Amother,
Ribbie asked what makes YOU a good mother. She didn't ask a theoretical question about what makes a good mother. It's a great exercise for us.

greenfire

Tue, Jan 29 2008, 2:33 pm

the deep devoted love and nurturance - to understand the impossible - to delve into emotions I cannot fathom ... and be there for them ... through thick & thin - no matter how high the tide crashes ... I am a mother and will always be