Do your children do their own laundry?

Gerbera

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 7:22 pm

My kids aged 4-11 (younger ones excluded obviously) each have a laundry day assigned to them. They have to put their laundry in the machine in the morning. That day I wash, fold and put the laundry back into their basket. They are responsible for putting it away when they get home. I will have my kids be responsible for their laundry completely at some point when they're older but not for quite awhile.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 7:25 pm

My kids do this, around 11 or 12. I will move clothes to the dryer, hang what needs to be hung and put their load in a basket. I teach them to do the same for a clean load they find in the wash or dry items in the dryer.

It cut down on whining and my cleaning help time, as all the loads go to the correct room each time.

I wash bed linen and towels if they want, dh and my clothes, the little ones clothes and all the white button down shirts that need extra help for all kids.

I will drop off dry cleaning and help if ironing is needed.

kenz

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 7:30 pm

Elfrida wrote:

It is good. But there would have to be some system to make sure people respected each others laundry needs. They would have to be sure not to leave clothes in the washing machine/dryer after it has finished, and no one would be allowed to dump others people clothes out if they needed the machine. And there would have to be some arrangement about who has priority after Chol HaMoed or the nine days, when everyone needs to do laundry.

So it's not just teaching laundry skills and personal responsibility. Its teaching awareness and consideration for others as well. A really brilliant idea.

My teens do their own laundry - they do leave it in the dryer often, and therefore they do dump their siblings' loads into baskets when they deem it necessary. It's not a perfect system but the alternative is my doing all of it, so this works for me. If I need the machines and laundry is just sitting there I either have them come clear it immediately or if they are not around, I do what needs to be done. They do know after a yom tov or the Nine Days that of course my loads get priority. They also need a little help with delicates and such but overall it's still better than my having to do everything. Growing up, it never occurred to me to start doing my own laundry (don't ask me why, but I did much of the cooking and baking, whereas my kids don't because they are not interested). The upshot for me was my mom would let laundry pile up and pile up and I sometimes didn't get back certain items of clothing for weeks - or ever, until I went digging for it. This works much better for me.
(Hope no one knows who I am - sorry, Mom.)

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 7:53 pm

my 9 year old does her own laundry. Honestly I never would have thought of having her do it but I got tired of one to many times her complaining that she didn't have any clean uniform shirts, skirts, whatever only to go to her closet and see the above hanging nicely in her closet and she just didn't bother looking! She would claim that she had looked and somehow didn't see it. We practiced looking in her closet, we tried encouraging checking the night before... somehow there would still be a meltdown and screams of "Mommy I don't have any..."

I calmly told her this is not working. I'm done. I'm giving it over to you. From now on you can be in charge of your own clothing so that way I don't get blamed that you don't have clean clothing. At first she was annoyed but then she realized I meant business and she just does it. And it actually is working really nicely. She hangs up her clothing and everything.

At first I wasn't sure if this was going to be a long term situation or more of a consequence for the way she was behaving. I felt bad making her do her laundry at such a young age but for now we are continuing with it.

We are working on getting her be better about bringing her laundry up after it's dried but often she'll watch the toddler while I go downstairs to throw in a load so I'll do her a favor and bring up hers.

She's my oldest. I'll likely make my other kids do it as well since I've realized it's really a very reasonable request.

UQT

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 7:57 pm

I remember doing the laundry when I was a kid and my friend told me it's so dysfunctional that I had to do it. Well, I still remember that comment, but guess what my kids do theirs as well. I have a system that works like a dream.

Each child has their own hamper in their own room.
They have enough clothes so to last a whole week.
Motzei Shabbos/Sunday is laundry day for everyone. I remind them to keep it moving. I'll say DD2 goes first because she's out all day tomorrow, DD3 is staying up late tonight so gets the last motzei Shabbos load.
I have one white hamper which anyone can throw stuff into (I have mostly girls).
They wash all their clothes together even the delicates, they know which stuff cannot get dried.
Wet clothes get hung directly in their closets (each have their own room with nice size closet so it's not crowded together) Closet door is left open and it's dry by morning.
I wash the towels, mine and DH clothing and linen.

System works very well for me and children have no complaints. It helps that this is almost the only housework I give them:)

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:01 pm

UQT wrote:

They wash all their clothes together even the delicates, they know which stuff cannot get dried.

I guess this is why I can't understand how this works.

I'm so careful with my laundry dividing everything, that for me it would mean multitudes of tiny washes, which is pointless. If I wouldn't care all of it together then I can see it being easier.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:10 pm

In my house we are all one team.
(I only have teens-small family and kids close together). Everyone chips in and helps with everything. My children have all thrown in a communal load, can strip and make (working together) assorted beds, and one person may put laundry in and the other move it to the drier. I have one DD that wears gloves because she thinks other people's laundry is gross, but she also hates touching raw meat/chicken and wears gloves when she touches than in the kitchen.
For privacy certain things of mine and DHs I don't have them wash, but t-shirts, tights, towels.... whoever is available throws it in. It is a machine. It is not like it is 1872 and they need to use a washboard.
Same goes with dinner-usually I make it, but when I am home late I will ask whoever is home first to put it up.
Shabbos cooking, everyone lends a hand, but different people prefer different jobs. As long as it gets done, and everyone is capable of doing it all, I don't really care.
As a whole, I do most of it, because I am the mom (DH works a 13 hour day), but everyone pitches in a needed.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because it is not on your head. They take care of it. You can do laundry once a week like when you were newlywed.

But you're not a newlywed anymore, you're a mom. And part if a mom's responsibility is doing laundry for her family. It's supposed to be on your head.
If you want things to be the way it was as a newlywed, don't start a family. This is a silly answer to why kids should do their own laundry.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:14 pm

My kids are just babies but growing up I was never responsible for my own laundry. Instead, we were all taught how to sort, wash, hang, dry, and fold laundry and whenever my mom needed a hand, whoever was available did the laundry for the whole family.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I would be pretty upset if I would have to be COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE for my own laundry, but I didn't mind HELPING OUT as needed.
If I ever needed anything specific cleaned at a certain time, I did wash it on my own.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because it is not on your head. They take care of it. You can do laundry once a week like when you were newlywed.

Then maybe each kid should wash their own cutlery and plate after each meal so that you can wash only 2 sets like when you were a newlywed Wink

finprof

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:25 pm

I still do all the washing but starting at age 3 they separate out their own clothes from the clean pile, then starting at 5 they fold and put away (I deal with the messy drawers as long as they close). My hope is that by 8 age 8 or 9 they will be doing their own laundry. My oldest is 7, he can transfer from the washer to the dryer and take out of the dryer but he can't reach the dials to start either machine.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:30 pm

finprof wrote:

I'm sorry, but a 3 year old toddler shouldn't be dividing their own laundry and an 8 year old shouldn't be doing their own laundry. Unless mom is incapable, then she should be taking outside help, not have the little kids do their own laundry. Teens are a different story, but having little kids be responsible for their own laundry is just wrong and sad, assuming you're a healthy capable mom.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:31 pm

Ok ok I take back the comment about the newlywed.

I think children should be responsible for their own laundry because it teaches maturity and responsibility.

The reason I prefer this system over kids just lending a hand as needed is because they really learn to take responsibility for their life.
It takes organizational skills and responsibility, as opposed to just helping out mom by doing the job she asks and then running off.
Additionally, it minimizes power struggles, if that is an issue in your home. It is the child's responsibility and that is that. There is no arguing, cajoling, begging or reminding. If they don't do the laundry, they won't have clean clothes. They learn from the natural consequences of their actions.

And yes, a mother is responsible for running her home, but it isn't a hotel and everyone needs to pitch in.
Obviously, use whatever system works for you.
And somehow this is different than everyone washing their own dishes. I can't pinpoint exactly why.
Maybe because laundry is a time consuming affair and you can't do the whole family's laundry in one shot the way you can with dishes?

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Everyone doing their own laundry creates more loads and uses up more water. Unless the kids combine their stuff with their siblings to fill up a load.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 8:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The reason I prefer this system over kids just lending a hand as needed is because they really learn to take responsibility for their life.
It takes organizational skills and responsibility, as opposed to just helping out mom by doing the job she asks and then running off.
Additionally, it minimizes power struggles, if that is an issue in your home. It is the child's responsibility and that is that. There is no arguing, cajoling, begging or reminding. If they don't do the laundry, they won't have clean clothes. They learn from the natural consequences of their actions.

And yes, a mother is responsible for running her home, but it isn't a hotel and everyone needs to pitch in.
Obviously, use whatever system works for you.

I get what you're saying and you have a valid point. But I still would've been pretty mad as a kid if my laundry would be my responsibility. I have enough responsibilities now that I'm an adult, why shouldn't I have had a little bit of a carefree childhood? Children get enough "responsibility practice" doing other stuff, like being on top of their homework.

Regarding the hotel comment, helping out by doing chores like washing dishes and folding laundry is also considered pitching in.

amother

Peach

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 9:40 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

What? Doing one's own laundry is a great learning experience and is very empowering. I wish I had been brought up with a routine of doing it. I didn't start at all until high school, and I had a lot of issues with procrastinating too long, then having to do random loads in the middle of the night or at some other inconvenient time.

And by the way, I'm the amother who some people thought was extreme on another thread because I argued that parents should not be dependent on their kids for running the house, babysitting other kids, and so on. Training kids in how to care for themselves and their belongings is not that.

Edit: also, laundry is one of the easiest and cleanest chores in my opinion, especially if you don't care much about folding. Way easier than handwashing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, or mopping in my opinion.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 9:44 pm

Our oldest is turning 12 and I have no plans to make her do her own laundry anytime soon. We have a good system in place for washing everyone's clothing over the course of a week. I do the delicates and the younger kids clothing that needs heavy spot treatments and DH does the bulk of the older kids and our own clothing and our once a week cleaning help does the towels and linens and folds the piles of laundry we leave and irons DH's shirts.

Our younger kids like to "help" with various parts of the laundry and oldest DD can and does actually help with certain things too like sorting dirty clothing into their appropriate loads and sorting clean clothing into appropriate piles per person and folding some things. She has been known to throw the delicate load into the washing machine for me if she wants something for the next day and I won't necessarily get to it in time for it to hang dry otherwise.