Where you a guest at your own wedding ?

amother

Ivory

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 10:16 pm

First marriage my parents did most of the deciding-and I was happy to let them. Mom sewed my gown-I got to choose the fabric and pattern. Loved it all.

30 years later I married a 2nd time. I did not expect anything from my parents, nor did I want to make a wedding (I was saving that energy for my kids weddings). I figured we woud just get married in the Rabbis study with no fanfare. Then I heard that camp Raninu wanted to make a wedding thaat summer. All they needed was a Chosson and Kallah. So we volunteered. They asked my opinion on color, style etc. I said I didn't care-they could decide. And that was a GREAT wedding! Everybody in the camp worked on planning, cooking, designing, decorating, baking.... All I did was show up.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 10:44 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

That is adorable!!

amother

Green

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 11:19 pm

mig100 wrote:

I hope mothers reading this will reconsider their priorities when making wedding. the guests wont remember much years later. the kallah will. hopefully in a positive way

I actually just looked thru my pics bc mil wanted help with the album and was thinking that most of the guests (other than fam ofc) I don't care about and haven't seen since (my parents acquaintances). But chosson kallah - dh and I - both hated the huge party that was thrown and said it was a waste of money and neither of us wanted all that lavishness and attention. It wasn't a party about us at all. A different couple could have stood there for all it mattered.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 11:53 pm

I was very stressed out. I had a super short engagement and I was working.

My mom and sis picked out everything for me, and I was so happy about it.

I don't feel like I missed out at all. But I'm also not the type that had a specific dream about what my wedding should look like. I only cared about actually getting married, not the wedding itself.

mig100

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 12:19 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Yep. That's what wedding have become parties for the parents friends with the Chasan kallah being used as props

It's. So. Sad.

amother

Plum

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 6:19 am

I picked my dress and thats about it. My Mil chose the flowers which were silk because they're cheaper. At the time I didn't think too deeply into it but when they made another few weddings and she went on about how horrible silk flowers look, it really offended me. She chose very expensive ones for her daughters wedding, and agonised with the bride for weeks which setup it should be but at my wedding she never asked for my opinion.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:49 am

No, but my in-laws probably felt like they were.

They're from OOT, didn't have many friends or relatives at our wedding, and they aren't frum, so my mother and I planned everything, and they just showed up.

And gave us $500 to cover expenses. My mother laughed and told me to keep the money since it wouldn't cover a single thing.

But DH and I had a say in everything. He had worked with the caterer and was probably a chef at my brother's wedding 1.5 years before, although I didn't know him then. We got married at the same place my brother did, since the caterer knew both DH and my parents and gave us a good deal for the 2nd wedding in my family in as many years.

I picked the band. It was a friend's band. Mom and I picked the flowers and photographer. She helped me pick my dress. (Okay, so I ended up getting what she wanted, but in the end, she was right. She usually is!)

And oh, I had so much fun at our wedding. It was a blast!

amother

Cerise

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:00 am

mig100 wrote:

Yep. That's what wedding have become parties for the parents friends with the Chasan kallah being used as props

It's. So. Sad.

None of our kids are even dating seriously yet but they have asked us not to make lavish weddings and invite all of our friends. We have agreed.

Although it's nice to share in smachot with friends, I have felt really dumb sometimes when I am at a wedding and the chattan or kallah barely knows me because I am their parent's friend.

We plan to make smaller weddings for our children with just their friends and our family and give them money towards a down payment on a house. Hopefully the people they choose to marry will agree.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:13 am

I was a guest. I chose nothing (except the groom). My parents bought the gown off a neighbor. I didn't care. The mesader kedushin said I needed to wear a sheitel. I was fine with that too. I was happy to make everyone else happy. Plus, I wasn't very materialistic back then, and I am still not.

kallateach

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:05 am

As a kallah teacher I tell my kallos to look at it as your parents wedding and someday you will make a wedding.
But if there is something very important to you try to be involved in a non demanding way.
There is way more stress, in my experience, for the kallahs that are being involved in or planning most of the wedding
At the end of the day it’s going to be about personality. An easy going girl will be fine with parents planning a detail oriented particular girl will probably not be.

amother

Plum

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 12:14 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

My parents in law made my sons pidyan haben as is the custom in my community. But I regretted it because they invited all their family and hardly any of mine which didnt bother me. It upsets me that they also went on to invite their many friends and I couldnt. Hello im the mother last I checked! shame there wont be a next time to fix things... it was beautiful either way so ive never complained.

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 4:54 pm

my mother in law invited all her friends my father kicked out my best friends parents who did not respond to the wedding it was very embarassing im still friends with her today they are isreali

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 4:59 pm

I was in charge of my wedding. My mother and in laws were very well respected and appreciated guests Smile

They did kindly chip in financially but in terms of decision making, stress... that was on me. sounds kind of nice to be able to just be a guest at the wedding.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 5:02 pm

Yup! But I was happy to be that way. The only thing I picked out was my dress. Left all the rest to my mom. I literally had no idea what it was going to look like until I walked in the day of. My mom is an event planner, so she loves this sort of stuff and is great at it. I hate it, and would be no good at it anyway. I knew whatever my mom did would be 1000x better than anything I did, and indeed, everything was beautiful.

Also, I'm the only girl, have a bunch of brothers. This was my mom's only chance to really plan a wedding for wedding one of her children, and it made her so happy.

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 5:04 pm

strangers are on our video wishing us mazel tov
on the day of the wedding my future mother in laws friend saw me and said ill see you at the wedding
I had no idea who she was

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 5:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

strangers are on our video wishing us mazel tov
on the day of the wedding my future mother in laws friend saw me and said ill see you at the wedding
I had no idea who she was

Future mother in law speaking here. Its not all about you.

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:20 pm

kallateach wrote:

Exactly. The parents are paying for the wedding. They are marrying their children. Therefore they choose everything. They love their children do they let them select their fliers and clothes etc all in their means. You are a guest at your wedding. You are a guest at your parents house. Because you are not independent. Aren’t you happy that you are embarking on your independent life with Dh? Now you can choose because now you are going to pay. But if you are still dependent on your parents for awhile don’t feel resentful if they choose. Whoever pays choose. That’s life.

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

strangers are on our video wishing us mazel tov
on the day of the wedding my future mother in laws friend saw me and said ill see you at the wedding
I had no idea who she was

Kids today are so entitled. So your mil paid for part of the wedding. The relatives were friendly and you are getting annoyed. Did you pay for anything? How dare you???