Where you a guest at your own wedding ?

singleagain

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:03 pm

Learning wrote:

Kids today are so entitled. So your mil paid for part of the wedding. The relatives were friendly and you are getting annoyed. Did you pay for anything? How dare you???

I don't think OP sounded entitled? What's so entitled about wanting to celebrate with friends who know you and are happy for you instead of strangers?

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:26 pm

singleagain wrote:

I don't think OP sounded entitled? What's so entitled about wanting to celebrate with friends who know you and are happy for you instead of strangers?

I don’t think mil relatives and friends are strangers. In-laws are marrying their son and they want to celebrate with friends and family. How can the bride who is just a kid and not even paying is annoyed by the grooms family being friendly and coming to celebrate? Excuse me?? If you want just your friends so make a party in your backyard with a cake and pizza.

singleagain

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:32 pm

Learning wrote:

OP said that the wedding video is full of strangers. Strangers meaning ppl who she and DH doesn't know and probably haven't spoken to since the wedding. It's not entitled to be upset about that.

Especially, if having parents friends meant they couldn't have their own.

The first last is invites, should be ppl the bride and groom want. After that the parents can fill it out.

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:37 pm

singleagain wrote:

my freinds and friends parents who I was close with were last on the list

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

my freinds and friends parents who I was close with were last on the list

Now you are changing the story. You only said you are pictured with people you don’t know. Obviously you are. You are merging families. 50% of the people are unknown to you. And why are your parents friends are last on the list. This is very strange. Are the chosson family paying for the whole wedding?

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:52 pm

singleagain wrote:

Usually young friends are sometimes coming only for dancing. I understand mil friends and family are normal guests at a normal wedding

singleagain

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:01 pm

A wedding is a celebration for the bride and groom. Therefore, it makes sense that the couple wants to celebrate with their ppl. Not their parents ppl. That is NOT entitled behavior.

Entitled is the parents who need everything to be their way just bc they are footing the bill

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:13 pm

singleagain wrote:

A wedding is also the parents joy of marrying their child. They worked 20 years to get to this moment. They want to celebrate also with friends and family. I think it’s very entitled to think it’s only the bride and groom party. It’s the whole family celebration. Friends come and go family is for a lifetime.

singleagain

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:17 pm

Learning wrote:

If you spend enough time in this website, you'll see that unfortunately that's not always the case.

But assuming an otherwise healthy relationship. There should be a balance between the couple and the parents. In my personal option, based on math. The wedding is 50% the couple. 25% one set of parents. And 25% the second set of parents.

If there are more than two sets of parents then that gets parsed down. But it should never be less than 50% the couple.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:21 pm

Learning wrote:

Kids today are so entitled. So your mil paid for part of the wedding. The relatives were friendly and you are getting annoyed. Did you pay for anything? How dare you???

OP got married 30 years ago.

Learning

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:27 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

OP got married 30 years ago.

This thread is getting weirder and weirder. How do you know aquamarine?? And why is she talking about it like it was yesterday. It’s just doesn’t make sense. I think there are some deeper issues here. After 30 years you are obsessing about being pictured with strangers and the bad flowers? I’m exiting the thread.

singleagain

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:38 pm

Learning wrote:

Second post OP said: my parents and his mother didnt talk since the wedding thirty years ago
she recently died and was still upset over this

And it's perfectly within the realm of normal for ppl too bring things up from 30 years ago. No one every mentioned obsessing

Obsessing is turning it over in your head every day or multiple times a day.

But it seems that OP's mil recently died and it's brought feelings up in OP.

Perfectly normal.

mig100

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 1:05 am

singleagain wrote:

Thank you. Round of applause. Finally

mig100

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 1:09 am

Learning wrote:

Nope it's not. The purpose of the wedding is to bring happiness to the bride and groom. There are many sources for this in the torah. They come first

Everything else is nice- as long as it doesn't take away from the happiness of the bride and groom. If u can do that go ahead and have a family celebration.

Find me where it's a mitzvah to bring happiness to the parents. Please show me

mig100

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 1:15 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Future mother in law speaking here. Its not all about you.

It's not? Really?? Says Who?

News flash! The wedding IS about the kallah. Not about the mother of the groom. Sorry to break it to you.

Please find me a source for this in the torah that says the mil is more important than the kallah at on the day of a wedding.

STMommy

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 8:32 am

I was very active in helping to plan my wedding, but at my wedding itself I was able to feel like a guest, which was a good thing that I was blissfully unaware that the caterer was blackmailing my parents that he wouldn't serve the main course if my parents didn't immediately pay him more money

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 9:29 am

mig100 wrote:

Please find in my post I said the bolded.

mig100

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 10:55 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Please find in my post I said the bolded.

do you want to explain what you mean when you said "Future mother in law speaking here. Its not all about you."?

from a torah perspective, the weddin is all about the kallah.