S/O Perfect looking women

amother

Mustard

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 2:46 pm

Yay you!
I’m in shape, but I dress for my job! Being a mommy is not for the faint of heart, nor the coiffed and buffed. You do you! My self care looks a little different....

Some day, the two of us might meet each other half way. For now, it’s too complicated to move furniture in stilettos, to do crafts with a shaitel in my face, to worry about ruining my mani on the go, to sit indian style in a pencil skirt, to shmush a baby with a face full of makeup... but that’s just me Smile

I’ll smile at ya on the street.

amother

Rose

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 2:48 pm

Wow, I must be in space.
My newer fall is 7 years old, my favorite one is 19 years old. I think they look good. I get compliments unless of course that is people are mocking me. Btw, they are boxes and the new one was $360, the other $200.
I buy clothes at Costco, Ann Taylor/Loft and L&T-super sale only. I never get my nails done (maybe 1/2 dozen time in my life-I really don't enjoy and I hated the one Pedicure-sitting on a big chair and the Asian woman sitting at my feet washing them, mumbling in her language to the employee beside her doing my friend's feet - ok, I know she depends on the work for Parnass and without people going she would have no income) I can do my own nail polish, but between the chipping when I do the dishes, sticking a finger in a baby's mouth to try to unlatch a sleeping-nursing infant, and removing it when you are going to the Mikva, it is more hassle than it is worth and I can't be bothered.
Sorry, not waxing my legs or any other part of my body.
I wear blush from CVS, Maybelline tattoo eyeliner (which stays on fairly decently for Shabbos) and whatever lipstick is on sale at cvs when my tube is empty.
Shoes are heals, but from the clearance rack at DSW.

Financially, I I do not have a beauty budget, and I can afford to spend whatever I want. But maybe that's because I really don't spend.
Do you think I would have more friends if I was fancier?

amother

Indigo

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 2:50 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

I'm very similar to you, except I don't pity perfect looking women because most of them choose it because they like it.
I would only pity women who feel obligated due to peer pressure or pressure from Dh to do it despite their wishes.

I pity them bc of the energy it takes. Even if they enjoy it, you cant be perfect always. So either your husband has to make more money, or your kids have a vain mother, or both. Full makeup daily takes time, and styles are always changing, so one basically has to be occupied with it. I doubt such a mother will play on the floor with her kids, let them jump on her, or bake with them.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 2:57 pm

People always talk about "suffering for beauty". I get it- the gain is more than the pain involved. For many women.
For me though, I have a very low tolerance for suffering. (For beauty and actually for anything.) Like amother hotpink and allthingsblue , I like to be super comfortable. It's not that I don't see the value of looking put together (I do wish I would look more put together), the effort or takes doenst seem worth it to me.
I cant stand wearing heels, they kill my feel within 10 minutes. so I always wear flats, even to weddings.
I need comfortable shoes, so no fashion shoes, only loafers work for me.
I dislike the feeling of having makeup on my face, so I only wear very minimal on shabbos and to work. I wear more to a wedding.
I feel uncomfortable in form fitting, dressy clothes.. I feel much more myself in a sweatshirt and long slinky skirt.
Wearing a wig for too long gives me a headache.
For me, I simply cant handle being uncomfortable at a time.
My guess is that ppl like OP have a higher tolerance level and attach greater importance to looking perfect.

SixOfWands

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:09 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Are you doing this for YOURSELF or for someone else?
I for example dress the same indoors and out. Some days I just want to have a full face of makeup and be all dressed up, and I won’t even leave the house and nobody sees me. It’s all for ME. That’s something I can understand. But I also go out in a snood to the grocery with a makeup free face and I’d go to work makeup free too if that was my mood that day. It’s all based on ME and MY feeling. I don’t relate to when people dress for OTHERS and what OTHERS will think of their trendy look. I can’t relate to that . (And I usually could relate to people and their meshugasin . This is one part where I just can’t.)

Sounds pretty normal to me.

Dress for the occasion. Don't cook for Shabbat in a dry clean only silk blouse. Don't go to a wedding in a tee shirt and yoga skirt.

And dress to please yourself. I love makeup, so I wear it most days. If you don't love it ... you do you.

Admittedly, there are looks I hate. I suspect that the OP's look would be one of them -- overly coiffed, overly done, overly perfect, overly formal for the occasion. But fortunately, she's not me, and not bound by my preferences.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So I suggested starting a s/o DH expecting perfection thread so here I am!

I do look like the perfect mother always fully dressed and made up, hand bag and sharp shoes. I update my wardrobe every few weeks. I wax all over so I continue giving off that image even in the swimming pool (I go weekly) Im lucky DH looks sharp too because its important to me.

Not trying to brag at all but I very often get the feeling im one of the only ones here with this lifestyle! Like you'd never put me behind those inspirational posts I put up here LOL

Do any of you look like this daily? How do you manage being a good mother and looking all posh and dignified? Do you feel like you need to be this way because you work or maybe opposite, are you able to keep it up because you're a SAHM?

So ill let you in on 1 of my secrets. First of all I take 1 day off - Fridays! not always but very often. Friday is my one and only shlompy day. Which I define as slinky, snood, make up less and casual top. For me its hard to believe women dress this way every day! Doing this once a week already makes me feel ich for some reason.

What are your thoughts? How do you dress, are you at peace with it or would you like to look differently if only circumstances allow you to?

My thoughts are, you come off as bragging and maybe a little conceited.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:26 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

I actually pity people that are always looking polished. As a woman, I know what it takes, timewise and moneywise.

I am slim and look young. I wear a bit of makeup, never in heels, simple clothing..I dont like a jammed closet with junk. I dont like spending unnecessary. I am comfortable and everything is washable. I love it, and so does my husband. He sometimes gets comments that my daughter and me look like sisters.

I dont like getting all dressed up. It looks so fake. Just simple and clean.

OP gave herself away when she let slip that her dh expects it. There u go, she feels pressured by him to always be on show and maybe even is threatened by him looking at other women instead.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:27 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Didn’t u read what she wrote? He dh expects it

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:27 pm

How polished are we talking? I think I always look pretty put together. I wear a full face of makeup daily, and I’m always fully dressed and accessorized (meaning no slinky skirt and zip up, always with tights and a nice pair of shoes). When I go out I wear a sheitel (sometimes pony), but at home you’ll often find me in a snood. I don’t update my wardrobe every few weeks, but I get a few new pieces a season and look up-to-date. Manicures are not my usual thing, though.

I do it because I like being dressed up, and I also do it because my DH prefers it. This is why I’m always fully dressed at home on a Sunday. I really don’t find that this takes away from my playing with and taking care of my young kids. My clothes look nice but can mostly be washed on gentle at home. I’m not nervous to sit on the floor (except that it’s hard to get back up!) I am a mother, and I can look nice, too.

No judgement for anyone who dresses differently. I dress how I dress for me and DH, and you do what works for you.

thunderstorm

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:50 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Didn’t u read what she wrote? He dh expects it

She said he thinks she takes too much pressure with makeup and that he likes /expects the rest. Likes and expects are two different things. I wonder if the OP decided that he expects it or if because this is how she is , it’s what he got used to and now expects it. It’s sad to have to pressure yourself to dress a certain way for someone else...even your husband. There’s something not ok with that.

Last edited by thunderstorm on Thu, Feb 06 2020, 4:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 3:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No, you're not trying to brag at all . Seriously though what's the point of your post?
Some people spend time and money on their clothes and makeup and some dont . Do whatever makes you feel good . I personally dont dress up , I like to be comfortable all the time . I happen to think that women who dress up perfectly every single day look ridiculous. There's something cute about being dressed comfortably and not dressed to kill on a regular day . I would much rather be under dressed than over dressed when going to a simcha or any other event . I think the women that are dressed stylishly from head to toe are ridiculous and most of the time it looks like they're trying too hard .

amother

Rose

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 4:04 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

I think that if you are one of those SAHMs who dresses to the nines with a full face of makeup to shop at the mall you look a little ridiculous and overdressed.

That is not nice. Don't judge others.
I imagine you are not a dressed up fancy person. Would you want OP to judge you and think that if you are not well dressed and out together that you are not worthwhile or important?

amother

Wine

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 4:19 pm

I have sensory issues. I hate the feeling of jewelry hanging off me. I hate greasy caked on makeup. I hate stockings and tights.
When I leave my house I dress for whatever occasion. Wedding = more makeup. Otherwise some eye makeup. I tolerate tights for short outings or stockings when necessary. I can wear a necklace for about an hour before its begging to get off my neck. I don't do sheitel in my face.
At home I wear clean comfortable tshirts and maxi skirts. Clean and comfortable is my priority.

I haven't found that a full face of makeup makes me look better than just eye makeup and a little lipstick. I get a ton of compliments always but that's not the point. I feel bad for people who have to work so hard to look good. I'd rather just be myself.

amother

Purple

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 4:39 pm

I'm one of those women who cares absolutely zero about my appearance (
aside for basic neatness, and being appropriate for whatever setting I'm in. Don't wear any makeup ever. Clueless about fashion. Only wear tichels and snoods (although that's a hashkafic thing for me). I practice plenty of self care, just nothing that relates to enhancing my appearance because I simply don't care for such things and getting dressed up doesn't make me feel good. There are other things that give me that pick-me-up, so that's what I do when I need that.

I don't think this makes me a better person, and I don't think someone who puts a lot of effort into their appearance is automatically shallow. Believe me, the time, money, and effort I'm not spending on my appearance is not necessarily being channeled into anything particularly lofty. I think I'm an OK mother, but I'm not the get on the floor and actively play type, and I definitely sometimes ignore my kids so that I can read a book, no different really than the stereotype that the dolled up mom is ignoring her kids in order to apply her makeup.

My mother is VERY appearence conscious. I always could tell when she was going to the mikvah because that was the only time she ever went out without a full face, perfect hair, and perfect manicure. She doesn't cover her hair, but if she did, I'm positive she would never be caught dead in a snood, or even a tichel. She is always super trendy and knows what's what in fashion. Even when she's dressed casually, her casual look could still be featured in a magazine. Guess what? She chairs so many chesed committees, it makes my head spin thinking about it. She's been president of her shul's sisterhood for 15 years because every time she tried to pass the baton to someone else, they begged her to keep being president, she's that good at it. I hope when my kids are a little older and I'm a little less overwhelmed (I have twice as many kids as my mom has) I can manage to do even a tenth of the community service and chesed my mother does.