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Un-tzniusdik Facebook pics--should I delete?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:10 pm
Hello,

This is a question for people who are BTs or whose tznius standards have increased over time (or for anyone who has an opinion on this kind of situation). Have you gone through your Facebook photos and deleted ones that are not tsniusdik? For a person who isn't a BT, do you think people who have this kind of pics should delete them?

I'm encountering this issue now--I basically forgot about the middle school/high school pictures of me until just now and am deciding whether I should delete them. I'm not ashamed of the way I used to be, as it is part of who I am now, but I'm wondering if you think it's a wise decision to delete the pics for future's sake (as in whether future friends will see them/judge me, etc).

(I am in my early 20s and married, my husband is frum, so I'm not worried about the pics impacting anything shidduch-wise)

Thank you for your help
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:12 pm
What do YOU think? I.e. if someone who you respect greatly comes across these pictures- either now or in 5, 10, 20 years- how will you feel? If you won't care, more power to you. If you will, best delete them.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:17 pm
I would not. You can't rewrite history. Be proud of how far you've come instead of ashamed of where you were?
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:23 pm
I personally would. Nothing to do with being ashamed or caring what other people think, I just wouldn't feel right displaying untzniusdik pictures of myself.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:25 pm
You could always just mark them private. That only you can see.

That's what I did for my wedding pictures when I got divorced
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:25 pm
I would. Why would you want someone to see you like that, since you're not like that anymore?

NOT that you have anything to be ashamed of, of course not - I agree that you have grown so much. I don't think that people will judge you...I doubt most people will look back that far.

It's really up to you. But I think that I would.
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amother




Rose
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:26 pm
You can also just change the privacy settings so only you or certain people can see them.
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hello,

This is a question for people who are BTs or whose tznius standards have increased over time (or for anyone who has an opinion on this kind of situation). Have you gone through your Facebook photos and deleted ones that are not tsniusdik? For a person who isn't a BT, do you think people who have this kind of pics should delete them?

I'm encountering this issue now--I basically forgot about the middle school/high school pictures of me until just now and am deciding whether I should delete them. I'm not ashamed of the way I used to be, as it is part of who I am now, but I'm wondering if you think it's a wise decision to delete the pics for future's sake (as in whether future friends will see them/judge me, etc).

(I am in my early 20s and married, my husband is frum, so I'm not worried about the pics impacting anything shidduch-wise)

Thank you for your help


The question you should ask yourself is, why would you want them to stay up? You are married now and you’re frum. What do you get out of knowing people are seeing you untsniusdig?
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andrea levy




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:30 pm
I am not ashamed of who I was or who I’ve become. I once looked embarrassed because I was talking about how much I loved bacon and lobster at a Mashgiach training course. The head guy saw that I saw he heard me and immediately asked me of how special it was that I don’t eat them anymore and never to be embarrassed...
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:31 pm
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I personally would. Nothing to do with being ashamed or caring what other people think, I just wouldn't feel right displaying untzniusdik pictures of myself.


This.

When you originally posted them, you were unaware (or didn’t care) that they were not tzniusdik. Now that you know and (presumably) care enough about tznius not to dress that way or reveal yourself in an untzniusdik fashion, why would you be OK with untzniusdik pictures of yourself online (whenever they are from)?
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:33 pm
andrea levy wrote:
I am not ashamed of who I was or who I’ve become. I once looked embarrassed because I was talking about how much I loved bacon and lobster at a Mashgiach training course. The head guy saw that I saw he heard me and immediately asked me of how special it was that I don’t eat them anymore and never to be embarrassed...


Not being ashamed of having posted untzniusdik photos in the past is not the same as continuing to display them now.
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forever21




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:42 pm
Why is is a big deal to just delete them ??
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 3:46 pm
I think someone who always remembers where they come from and is not embarrassed about that, is a very strong person. I never understood why someone would want to delete their entire childhood. Its ok. Its actually a beautiful thing, a BT CHOSE to become frum. Dont be embarrassed about what you may have done before, instead embrace your newfound frumkeit. But always remember where you came from, its who you are and what makes you you.
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 5:14 pm
I would delete gratuitous non-tnius pictures, but not meaningful ones.
So, if you were wearing a sleeveless or strapless dress to your bat-Mitzvah and you have pictures with relatives I would definitely keep them, even if it is bridesmaids pictures of your sister's wedding (and you are 20 and look hot), but I would not leave ones of yourself which are overly revealing that are "just because" picture.
There is also a difference between untznius pictures and pictures where you are dressed differently than you would dress today. If you are 8, planting in a garden and wearing jeans, there is no reason to take it down. 20 years old, and in a bathing suit on spring break, might be a different story.

There is a difference between hiding your past and showing off your body in the past. No reason to hide who you are. It is very easy to be FFB and stay on the derech. You should be proud of who you are.
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 5:25 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
I think someone who always remembers where they come from and is not embarrassed about that, is a very strong person. I never understood why someone would want to delete their entire childhood. Its ok. Its actually a beautiful thing, a BT CHOSE to become frum. Dont be embarrassed about what you may have done before, instead embrace your newfound frumkeit. But always remember where you came from, its who you are and what makes you you.


She's not talking about ripping the pictures up and burning the negatives, she's talking about taking them off Facebook. That's not the same as deleting your childhood. She once felt okay sharing these photos, now she's not sure. It doesn't mean she wants to pretend her earlier years never happened.
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 5:27 pm
Middle school pictures? I'd leave them - you're a child! High school pics I'd probably delete.
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andrea levy




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 5:58 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
Not being ashamed of having posted untzniusdik photos in the past is not the same as continuing to display them now.


You missed the point. The mashgiach emphasized that I should not be ashamed for saying where I came from. That I used to eat they’d. And now I am a trusted mashgiach. He thought it was awesome. So, I personally feel that it’s really up to OP but he also referenced something in the Gemara that said the same thing. So, maybe op should ask her LOR.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 6:46 pm
Yes -- visuals online are different.

One thing to keep photos. another to tell stories.

but untznius photos online? Id delete.

not denying past just who wants those images and exposures out there not for yourself and not for anyone else who may see them
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soap suds




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 8:15 pm
Definitely delete. If you wouldn't put them up today, why would you leave it up for the world to see just because you put it up yesterday? Deleting them from a public forum doesn't mean you're ashamed of your past. You can be proud of where you came from without displaying yourself to strangers (or even friends) that way.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 8:29 pm
andrea levy wrote:
You missed the point. The mashgiach emphasized that I should not be ashamed for saying where I came from. That I used to eat they’d. And now I am a trusted mashgiach. He thought it was awesome. So, I personally feel that it’s really up to OP but he also referenced something in the Gemara that said the same thing. So, maybe op should ask her LOR.


You can't compare the two situations.

In your case, it's just talking about the fact that you used to eat treif.

With pictures - if I hold it's wrong (or even just preferable not) to publicly display pictures of myself in certain dress or lack thereof - there's no difference if those pictures were taken 20 years ago or today, it's still the same wrong for me to have them displayed.
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