Do you live in an impossibly big house?

amother

Blonde

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 4:24 am

I'm not jealous of huge homes or ten kids.

Huge homes - I have no ambition to own one. I do already live in a house, so maybe I would feel differently if I were in a cramped apartment. But I actually dislike very large houses, the kind with four living rooms, like the op says. I think they are not cozy, and interfere with the intimacy of a family.

Ten kids - Ditto, never had such an ambition. To each their own, but I prefer the rhythms and coziness of a smaller family. Even if I were given a guarantee that I could financially and emotionally manage with 10 kids, I would not want that size family or anywhere near it.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 4:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

we moved a few years ago to a tiny 2 room basement apt because it was all we could afford. It happens to be the apt is in the basement of a very simple house but situated in a neighborhood with a lot of very large houses so we get invited out a lot for shabbos meals to people and today yet again we were invited to a family that live in an impossibly huge and absolutely stunning house. Its hard to not feel like a little country gal in the big city starting wide eyed all around. I try not to stare but I feel completely overwhelmed and awed by such huge houses especially how gorgeously they are decorated. The families that live inside these houses are down to earth warm friendly people super nice! Yet I always feel like I can never completely relax and be friends with them because -well they live in huge houses so I am simply intimidated.

1) I would love to get inside the mind of these people. Can you explain to me how it feels to live in such a huge house ?
What are you thinking when you look around at your four living rooms?!! (which to me seem completely redundant and are literally 4 rooms all decorated with gorgeous couches and chairs but you call, the living room, the family room, the music room and the sitting room for crying out loud!)
why does a person need so much "house?"
do you know that you have all this extra space you dont really need? or do you feel its normal to have 4 living rooms? Explain to me what it FEELS like to live in such a huge house. I am dying to know!!

2)do you worry about how to keep them clean? How DO they stay so clean not a scratch on the wall if you have kids?!

3) What does your husband do for a living and how did you afford such a gorgeous house if your the same age as me?

4) this one boggles me. these houses are not only stunning and decrated to perfection- there is literally no "STUFF" anywhere. The rooms are immaculate, spotless, and empty Aside from the perfectly placed couches and piano and perfectly placed tables and chairs, and the perfectly placed (with the pot chosen to match) potted plant , and the beautiful and careful mirrors and frames on the walls - the rooms are EMPTY. Where do you keep all your stuff? Where are the stacks of mail and children's projects, and cups filled with pens? regular items people need and use in regular houses? When I walk into simpler houses there is always things everywhere, even if the house is also well kept and spotless, it looks lived in. these huge houses look like nobody actually touches these rooms and I saw the ENTIRE first floor of the house!! The 4 living rooms, the 3 foyers and the empty hallway space EVERYWHERE, the 2 dining rooms , the massive empty empty gleaming and sparkling kitchen. There is no stuff! Like right now on my couch is a cozy blanket and pillow, three shabbos magazines which I was reading all shabbos, my sweater, my coffee mug on the table, a half used tissue box. their couches were all empty aside from the perfectly placed and matching couch pillow that was propped at such a perfect angle it looks like no one had sat on that couch in years.

If you live in a gorgeous and huge house can you please give me a tiny insiders view? I am curious!

I read half the thead do far. I will try to answer your questions as I live in a big house.

1) This is my home. I love living here. I joke around about all my sitting areas because I have one for every day of the week. I say that my husband must think all I do is sit each day. I usually sit in my kitchen in the morning which I think most ladies do who sit down with their coffee. I could be in any kitchen anywhere.

The house was designed and built to be functional. I think it's beautiful and not cramped as I walk through it. I am proud my husband has such a good head for design.

2) I don't worry about keeping the house clean. My kids never wrote on the walls BH. What other kids do when they come here is is put their fingerprints all over the glass in the house. It's not a big deal as I direct the cleaning lady to clean the fingerprints.

3) I don't know how old you are, so I can't answer your comparison. Interesting that you ask what my husband does for a living. How come you don't ask if it was me who earned the money? There are successful women.

4) There is a place for everything. Even when we lived in a tiny house, everything was put away. My kids never had a play room that could be left messy when they were done playing.

I love walking through my foyer - what a luxury. I love that my home is maintained so well. I haven't found a decorator yet that impresses me. It is a lot slower picking out each thing, but the compliments belong to us. It's our home.

amother

Green

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 4:25 am

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

I'm more jealous of someone with ten kids (who is MANAGING) then someone who is rich. But that's just me...

me, too!

amother

Blonde

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 5:37 am

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

It was interesting to hear your perspective.
I too love decorating my home on my own, and derive my pleasure from it. I far prefer to see homes which have been personally decorated than ones a decorator did. Although I understand that many people just don't like decorating, and if they didn't hire someone it would be practically empty.

Personally, I really don't see the need for a foyer and several living rooms. I'm happy you enjoy your home, but I desire a luxurious foyer as much as I desire a racing car.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 7:06 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Truth be told, my house is my husband's dream - not mine. I also didn't get the need for the nice foyer. It comes after the entranceway. Now when I walk in a large house that doesn't have the transition, it looks like it is missing something. I also never get cabin fever here.

I don't have all those living rooms. I have sitting areas. We could have gone double the size of our home because of our lot size. But we wanted to be in this neighborhood. Our house looks more modest from the outside than it is. My neighbor was saying in shul that she lives in the big house on our street. And mine is double her size.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 7:23 am

I also appreciate a foyer. It makes breathing space when coming into the house and when someone knocks on door, less clasterphobic.

Also I appreciate two offices. One where husband sits and works with work papers etc.
Then when someone comes for him he can meet him in the other office. I don’t need every stranger to see every single paper on his desk.
The office he works in no one enters aside me.
But it’s still nice to be able to meet people in privacy, not in the dining room.
Same regarding living rooms.
It’s nice to have a clean room to sit with no Lego, magnatiles and mentchies to trip on.
But it’s nice to have a room that’s full of Lego and magnatiles and mess that only gets cleaned up at the end of the day.
Same with another smaller staircase in the back aside from the big main one that is very visible from the front door....
I personally don’t have all those stuff (just some) but my in-laws do and it’s nice.
And when you host a simcha or even married kids coming for Yom Tov it’s more breathing space for everyone.

amother

Beige

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 8:26 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

This just reminded me of a post that someone shared regarding the halacha of paying babysitters on time, and the writer included other gripes (some with which I agreed, others not) of babysitters. One of the babysitters complained that the husband/father came down a "secret" set of stairs - it didn't sound like he stayed, but I guess she was upset because she didn't see him coming? I laughed at her language, though. (And I've always lived in small homes, in case that matters to anyone.)

mig100

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 10:38 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

There are enough threads on this site that demonstrate that the prevailing feeling is that larger families are dysfunctional, and it is responsible to limit the number of children you

Btw that is the prevailing feeling ON THIS SITE by a few vocal posters who are can't even post under their screen name

I have never seen or heard such a view in real life. And I have lots of friends who are from or have very very large families and love it and are managing well.

Last edited by mig100 on Mon, Feb 24 2020, 10:43 am; edited 1 time in total

mig100

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 10:42 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Yes, seriously. Why are you so shocked?
Whoever is on BC (or not) is making such decisions.

Because a foundation of my religion is that we are not in control especially in this area. Only God can choose to bring a child into this world

And I'm not even taking about infertility. Even if someone has no medical conditions and conceives easily, is not in control of how many kids they have and I'm horrified that they don't realize

Bc can prevent someone from getting pregnant. Getting off bc Doesnt give control when you'll give birth. Nope.

Yeah it's human nature to take things for granted when they come easily. I still would never say I'm in control of them

I thought this was a frum site?

amother

Teal

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 10:51 am

mig100 wrote:

So please explain to me why there are countless upon countless of threads about women who are jealous of others money, houses, vacations, pesach hotels, designer clothing, designer strollers....
But there isn't a SINGLE thread about women who are jealous of those with large families??
The poster asked a question, the answer isn't always what we want to hear.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:01 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

I am not jealous of those with large families, I would definitely love to have more kids though. Probably much more then I want a pesach kitchen or more bedrooms in my house or a new car. (and I bh have quite a few kids already!)

There are certainly many women on this site who would love more kids then they have. And yes, they might struggle with jealousy when they see thier sister or friend have baby#8.

BTW its not in your control to choose to have less kids either. You can go on birth control and it can fail. You can carefully plan and space pregnancies to be given twins or triplets. Man tracht, Gott lacht.

avrahamama

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:04 am

mig100 wrote:

Sometimes hishtadlut does an excellent job of making you feel like you're in charge. (Other times it doesn't)

amother

Teal

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:06 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

I know that, I got pregnant on the mini pill.
But the fact is that people are more jealous of the rich then those with many kids because we THINK we can choose how many kids to have. And many many people would rather be rich than have many kids. That's the simple answer to the question.

avrahamama

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:10 am

I know someone. Rich. Huge house. lots of children. I'm not jealous. But they definitely give me nachat.

I'm partial to my own husband, kids, and home BH BAH Chasdei Hashem ;-)

amother

Emerald

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:10 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

You must have some short term memory issue or you haven't been hanging out here enough. The loooong thread lambasting large families was reeking of and dripping with jealousy. Between the lines of snarky or righteous posts, of course. C"V outright.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:15 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

Ya that’s creepy.
If a babysitter is sitting there herself I’d definitely use the main staircase.
But if a family member is shmoozing by the front door with a neighbour or guest and I want to make a quick coffee or get something from the fridge it’s convenient to be able to get to the kitchen without having to go through the front foyer.

But it probably feels creepy for a babysitter whose unfamiliar with the place and sees so many niches hallways and doors, they should probably tell her to bring along a friend!

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:17 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

This. Youre probably right :-)

GreenEyes26

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:17 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

LOL it was NOT jealousy. I’m rolling

amother

Teal

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:20 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I'm hanging out here long enough to know that the thread about large families is anything BUT reeking of jealousy! No way!

amother

Blonde

Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:24 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I read that thread, and I don't recall any jealousy.
Just because someone doesn't want something that others deem a wonderful thing, doesn't mean they are jealous.

I have a neighbor who built a huge mansion on THREE lots. His house not only is much huger than mine, but the finishes are much more expensive. Am I jealous? Would I want to trade houses? Well, I would for the monetary value, I guess; I could sell and divide the value among my kids. But otherwise, I have absolutely no desire to live in a house like his. It's a modern black monstrosity in my eyes; I much preferred the modest little home he had demolished to build this one. It's too big, too grey and black (both colors I dislike in heavy doses), and it's designed badly IMO (you have to walk great distances to get anywhere, inside the house). It's an enormous black blob that dominates the whole street. A black box, with no charm or grace.

Many people walk by that house and their jaw drops from jealousy. And many others just don't have any desire for such a house. Does the fact I have a lot of criticism about it mean I am 'reeking of jealousy'? Why is it so hard to understand that different people are drawn to different things?

Same with very large families. Just because amother Emerald thinks they are the ideal, doesn't mean we all need to want it. I can critique the concept of huge families without it meaning I am subconsciously jealous.