What are people thinking??????

amother

Mauve

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:38 pm

ohmygosh wrote:

Umm yes plenty. I said in the chassidish communities where people don't talk about pregnancies. Please read what I wrote again. I didn't say in all chassidish communities or all chassidish people. I'm specifically referring to the communities where it's not spoken about.

Gosh, this was not a chassidim bash. Could we not make this so personal?

I live in KJ and I am from the most extreme families.

I did not take what you said personal. Its just that you cant back up what you said.

When someone says something that is not true it is usually to bash or to shame hence the posters questioning your motives.

amother

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:45 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

I don't think you hate her.

Disdain?

Not disdain.
More like surprised that a Frum women would dress up like that.
We also saw a lady dressed up as a cat women. She wore a tight tight shiny jumpsuit with a short poofy tutu with a long tail!!! You can just imagine how she looked.

behappy2

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:59 pm

DrMom wrote:

Many frum women wear tight stockings which perfectly expose the shape of their legs, whereas loose pants (which many deem untznua) would not.

Just sayin'.

According to Yeshivish/litvish Rabbonim one may not wear a maternity top where the top lies against the belly and then goes under so that you can see the whole outline (unless it is loose) also one may see the leg of a woman but not above the knee. One may not see the split in between the legs (referencing pants).

ora_43

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 3:12 pm

I never got the irritation with pregnant women who "expose" their bellies with tight shirts.

Maybe it's just me, but when I'm in the last month of pregnancy every shirt is tight. Yes, even the huge maternity ones with gently draping fabric. They made a lovely, modest curtain over the lower part of my abdomen, but the top part always ended up looking like a watermelon struggling to free itself from lycra.

But OK, let's say the woman OP saw was wearing a tight-tight shirt. I assume what she was thinking was: 1. it's cute, 2. pregnant bellies aren't 's-xy' so it's not like emphasizing the chest or something, 3. it's not all that tight.

I'm guessing plenty of us have had at least one tznius fail, where something turned out to be tighter or less opaque than it looked in the store.

Rambling post short: what people are thinking when they wear something immodest or tacky, is that it is modest and cute. It really is that simple. We don't all perceive our clothing the same way.

(Personally, I only notice that I've worn the same outfit every single Shabbat for several months if someone says something (true story Can't Believe It

). There are all kinds of levels of awareness out there.)

(also, I think it sounds like a cute costume Hiding

)

amother

Rose

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 4:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, I hate other women because they dress inappropriately.
Seriously, where does hate come in here??

You made a post to single someone out to embarrass her. You want to shame someone else to do what you want them to do.

Look, I get it. We all want to stand up for what we believe is right. But it's not something horrible that's hurting anyone else. And we have more laws regarding shaming and pointing fingers than we do about seeing the shape of someone's pregnant stomach.

I'm also very deeply affected by this quarantine aspect of corona, and I think the lesson is that maybe we aren't handling going to parties and being b'achdus if all we come away with is that someone ELSE is WRONG, and belittling them. Let's not point fingers, let's just be DLZ and love her anyway.

amother

Mint

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 4:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Seriously!!! I saw a very pregnant lady dressed up as a gumball machine. She wore a tight white shell exposing her perfectly round large stomach. She stuck on pom poms on her stomach for gumballs; was like a ball of pom poms. It looked awful and so distasteful. Do people have no seichel?????

We hold it's inappropriate for women/older girls to dress up on Purim, specifically costumes that attract attention. Tznius pertains on Purim too!

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 4:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Okay. Your first post read as extremely negatively critical, not 'surprised'.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:02 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Of course you realize that not all FRUM jews follow yeshivish or litvish rabbanim, right? There are other types of rabbanim out there that hold differently than this.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:02 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Okay. Your first post read as extremely negatively critical, not 'surprised'.

Noah Webster, the maker of the dictionary, carried his exact knowledge as to the meaning of words into ordinary speech. A story told of him—which is, of course, untrue—illustrates the point.

Noah's wife entered the kitchen, to find him kissing the cook.

"Why, Noah," she exclaimed, "I am surprised!"

The lexicographer regarded his wife disapprovingly, and rebuked her:

"You are astonished—I am surprised."

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:04 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

We hold it's inappropriate for women/older girls to dress up on Purim, specifically costumes that attract attention. Tznius pertains on Purim too!

Just because a female dresses up does NOT automatically mean she will be untzanuah. In my community, many many females dressed up and I would say about 95% were completely modest. There will always be those that take the (wrong) "opportunity" to dress immodestly on purim, but over all, its all modest.

lilies

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:10 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

I highly doubt op 'made a post to single someone out to embarrass her'. Op saw something, thought it was highly inappropriate and posted about it. To op this is more about the concept of inappropriate behavior than it is about any single woman out there.

As far as corona, you think the lesson is regarding lack of achdus and shaming people, while others may think it's due to lack of tznius Wink

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:18 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

IMO people should be more sensitive about dressing up their pregnant bumps. I had a thought to do it one year and then my friend had a late pregnancy loss right around Purim time. It would’ve twisted her heart to see that. And how about all the infertile couples waiting for children. To cause people pain just to dress up is just not worth it IMO.

As someone who has lived with infertility for a LOOONG time, I will tell you that a random costume is NOT what will make purim hard. Just like every chag, Jewish chagim are family centric and quite a few are children centric. One costume isnt going to make or break it. It will be the actual pregnant belly, not the costume that is on the bump. And all of the many little kids running around in costume.
An adult costume, at least as I see it, will not make the difference.

lilies

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:52 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Technically, with that logic we should not be dressing up our kids either.

dancingqueen

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 6:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, I hate other women because they dress inappropriately.
Seriously, where does hate come in here??

A) it’s debatable if it’s inappropriate. I think it’s adorable.
B) then why does it upset you so much? To each their own.

Metukah

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:12 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

I'm chassidish and always defend chassidus to the sky (check out my posting history), but I think you are grossly exaggerating. 1. Amothers post does not seem to be bashing. 2. It is not generally acceptable in the chassidish world, to discuss pregnancy with children etc... So it would not make sense or be considered acceptable at all to dress up in a way that directly references a pregnant belly. These days we discuss our pregnancies in public and with everyone, but my mother is only just getting used to the idea. Not so many years ago it was hidden and barely mentioned. My children learn in a BY type school, mainly, but not exclusively chassidish, and it is frowned upon to discuss pregnancy with children. It has been told to us on more than one occasion. That is why, when we tell our children about upcoming births we tell them it is a secret only for our family. You say you are from an extreme kj family, I'm not from a very chassidish family, never mind extreme, so I won't believe you if you tell me that it is okay to discuss pregnancy with children.
OP sorry for derailing.

Flip Flops

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:24 pm

DrMom wrote:

Many frum women wear tight stockings which perfectly expose the shape of their legs, whereas loose pants (which many deem untznua) would not.

Just sayin'.

Hmmm, never knew that it is assur for the shape of the leg below the knee to be seen. Interesting how there are so many women out there who are equally misinformed (and liked this post).
Glad to see that you are all taking on chumros in tznius.