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My 2 year old does whatever he wants, doesn't listen to me

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 5:56 pm
He's almost 2. He throws his food on the floor when he's done. I tell him he needs to pick it up and nothing happens...I read "how to talk so kids will listen" and when it comes to things like this he just looks at me and laughs.

I don't have time for more books now. I'm drowning as it is. Please tell me if you have tried and true ways to get him to listen to what I say. Consequences aren't working either (please pick up the bread and then we'll go outside"_ and he just has a tantrum without doing it or just walks away from me. He won't help me clean up his toys most of the time.

How do I choose my battles, how do I enforce them??

How do I be a mother?

(no parenting classes or book suggestions please, I'm not in a place now to take on extra projects)
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:02 pm
He acts age appropriate
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:03 pm
crust wrote:
He acts age appropriate


Okay, I figured. So I should just let him get away with everything? That sounds like a recipe for a spoiled child.
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Lizzie4




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:05 pm
With two year olds, the less power struggles the better.

Watch him. When he's done eating take him out. Don't give him a chance to throw his food. If he does, a simple and firm (non-emotional) "no throwing food", repeated as necessary should work. Pick it up yourself. He's not old enough for consequences.

If you don't want him doing something, pick him up and remove him. Speeches are unnecessary. If you continuously remove him when he gets into something in the house you don't want him to, he will learn to stay out of it. (Better yet, locks) No annoyance or anger.

The rule is the more excitement you show about s/t, the more likely he is to repeat the behavior. Show little to no emotion for negative behavior and lots of happy, excited reactions to positive behavior.
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:07 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Okay, I figured. So I should just let him get away with everything? That sounds like a recipe for a spoiled child.


If you dont ask him to do things he will not have what to get away with.

Pick one single thing that you will do together with him every day.

Let's say you want to teach him that we pick up toys after playing.
1. Pick this one thing.

2. Make sure the task is age appropriate.

A child ages 2-8 can play with much more toys than they are capable to pick up by themselves without getting frustrated. So my guess would be 3-5 pieces of toys for a 2 year old.

3. Stick to this one task. Don't try to teach him all things at once.
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:10 pm
It's kind of early to be enforcing the things you are talking about. Right now, focus on categorically harmful/dangerous things like hitting or biting, which can be addressed with a short but firm time out.

Throwing food on the floor, not cleaning up, and refusing to respond to demands aren't exactly desirable behaviors, but not battles I'd choose to fight with an almost 2 year old.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:11 pm
Be stern and consistent.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:52 pm
This is so interesting to me. I am so worried about him becoming spoiled (he’s an only child for now) and I thought I should be teaching him these things. So when does throwing things, not cleaning up etc become age inappropriate?
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 6:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is so interesting to me. I am so worried about him becoming spoiled (he’s an only child for now) and I thought I should be teaching him these things. So when does throwing things, not cleaning up etc become age inappropriate?


I would say that the first thing is to stop worrying about spoiling him.

Just let him be a baby now.

Talk while you pick up after yourself- we are cleaning up because we dont like when things are dirty.

Talk while eating- we watch that nothing falls on the floor because that's how we dont have extra work afterwards.

Talk talk talk
In a very soft loving way
Like a loving person you remember spoke to you.

And give him a hug I think he is cute!
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 7:01 pm
As with toilet training, it depends on both the child and the parent.

You can look for signs of readiness, and encourage them, just like you did with walking.

When he throws food on the floor -- "oh, are you all done? Can you say "all done"? Good job! Let's clean up now, then Mommy can take you outside." Try picking up what was on the floor, and asking him to put it in the garbage; many kids enjoy that.

When his toys are all over the place, sing a cleanup song, and ask if he can help you put the toys away, then praise him. Try racing the clock, or enthusiastically counting on how many pieces he has picked up.

In general, try to remember that the word "discipline" means to teach. You want to teach him that work isn't something parents get frowny and critical about. It's something we all have to do.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 7:19 pm
Lizzie4 wrote:
With two year olds, the less power struggles the better.

Watch him. When he's done eating take him out. Don't give him a chance to throw his food. If he does, a simple and firm (non-emotional) "no throwing food", repeated as necessary should work. Pick it up yourself. He's not old enough for consequences.

If you don't want him doing something, pick him up and remove him. Speeches are unnecessary. If you continuously remove him when he gets into something in the house you don't want him to, he will learn to stay out of it. (Better yet, locks) No annoyance or anger.

The rule is the more excitement you show about s/t, the more likely he is to repeat the behavior. Show little to no emotion for negative behavior and lots of happy, excited reactions to positive behavior.


All of THIS!

OP, I'm sorry, but when I read that your child is not even two years old yet, my first thought was "First child!" and I had to laugh. You sound like you are doing your best to be a good mama.

Ease up a bit. A child that young doesn't even have the ability to understand at least half of what you are expecting of him. It's way too advanced for his age.

If food gets thrown, take the rest away and say "All done?" Repeat as needed. I suggest you do not let him see you clean up the mess, or he will assume that you will always do it. When he's a little bit older, you can give him baby wipes, and teach him how to "clean" the floors and lower cabinets. Kids between 2 and 3 think that this is all kinds of fun and will keep them busy for hours.

Limit the amount of toys that get taken out at one time. That way you won't have the entire play room dumped in the living room floor.

As Lizzie said, do NOT react! Don't get mad, and whatever you do, don't laugh! As soon as you giggle, he will want to do it over and over again. (I made the mistake of laughing the first time my 2yo DD used the F word. It took me months to get her to say "oh no!" instead.)

Instead of telling your child "no", redirect as much as possible. "Dovi, let's put the knife down, and we can go get the Lego out." Give an alternate activity that is acceptable, and you will have a much more peaceful home. It just takes a bit of creativity, but it's totally worth it. Don't forget to model good manners. "Thanks for putting the knife down Dovi, you are such a good boy!" (Now go lock up your knives.)

Toddlers are an adventure, so try to look at it as an exciting time to see the world through their eyes.
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 10:26 pm
It seems im the odd one out here. But I just wanted to give a different perspective. My child is nearly 2, however very verbal and communicative. He will of course try to test the boundaries from time to time, but I dont really let him get away with inappropriate behavior without any consequence. If he doesnt listen to something I said the first time, I will repeat it in a more stern voice. If that doesn't work I will explain we cant move on and do the next activity till he listens - the choice is his. That will mostly work. He is quite musical so sometimes I will even sing a silly song while he does listen and follow directions with verbal praise in the mix. He is very responsive to that. On the few occasions where he was completely "stubborn" - hey I won't pretend I will do what I was asking- I.e. pick up the blocks- and then tell him, no more of this activity today. When you listen better and clean it- we can play again. Obviously you cant do that with meals- but id wait for him to clean the food before being able to do something else. He likes the phrase if your ready for _____ first clean/do___x.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Wed, Mar 18 2020, 10:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He's almost 2. He throws his food on the floor when he's done. I tell him he needs to pick it up and nothing happens...I read "how to talk so kids will listen" and when it comes to things like this he just looks at me and laughs.

I don't have time for more books now. I'm drowning as it is. Please tell me if you have tried and true ways to get him to listen to what I say. Consequences aren't working either (please pick up the bread and then we'll go outside"_ and he just has a tantrum without doing it or just walks away from me. He won't help me clean up his toys most of the time.

How do I choose my battles, how do I enforce them??

How do I be a mother?

(no parenting classes or book suggestions please, I'm not in a place now to take on extra projects)


A two year old's job is to learn to gain confidence and independence. They are experimenting and testing their limits and the world's limits. This can be infuritaing for adults who already know limits and the world's limits...and their own limits lol.

That being said:

1. don't expect too much of your toddler, if you know he is not the stage where he is not ready to pick up toys, (stop comparing to people you know) give up the expectation that he should pick up toys. Instead, frame picking up toys as a mitzvah and if he ever does it praise him, but don't expect it as a given. Toddlers have poor emotional control sometimes,

How to determine this?: you know your child... think of if he realistically is capable right now to do this... this can be applied even to adults... don't expect your introverted husband to be the life of the party...

Throwing cereal can mean:

1. "hey look I can do something that makes mommy really emotional and it's funny"
" it's really cool the cereal goes everywhere"
"I'm angry and I can't express my feelings so I am doing this gut reacting thing because I don't know what else to do with these emotions"

keep the above in mind and see if you can assess where the throwing is coming from...
If
1. then calmy state we do not throw cereal and pick it up with a poker face, clean it up and move on.
2. same as 1
3. assess why your child is upset



2. Punishment is only effective if it's going to teach him. You can't punish a toddler for not knowing math... know your toddlers limits. For your example with the bread, did you eventually go outside? OR did you stick to your guns? If you did go outside then your toddler knows your just bluffing. Don't do a threat you can't keep.





3. How to pick your battles

Assess the cost and benifet of every situation:

For example: playing with a tupplewear you just cleaned...

letting child play with tupplewear and not take it away:
Cost: need to clean the tupplewear AGAIN
benefit: think of it as 15 minutes of them being entertaining and no meltdowns

taking the tupplewear away:
Cost: possible meltdown
Benefit: won't have a dirty tupplewear

I would do the first

of course if a toddler runs in the street, a meltdown is a greater cost for the benefit that your child will be safe. So assess your costs. A cost you feel like is a great cost might not actually be so bad

4. Differeniate between tantrum and actually needing/wanting somthing.
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