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Any advice re my 4 yr old?!!

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 4:05 pm
She's been waking multiple times at night since learning about vashti- it freaked her out for some reason.. the only way to comfort her was to sit by her bed till she fell back asleep.. still weeks later she's waking so many times by habit and insists we stay with her every time..if we don't she screams and wakes up her little brother next door. it's really running us down especially now with her and my 1.5 yr old home all day. We wake in the morning already fed up and exhausted and she is also acting up terribly because she's lacking sleep and structure.
Has anyone experienced this, how do you get your child sleeping through the night again?? If I need to get help from a professional where do I turn who can help me best?
Thanks very much in advance.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 4:27 pm
Cannot decide if this is a serious request Smile
Vashti?
Have her draw and color what it is she's thinking, during the day. Start with that. Let her show you a tangible version of her fears. Validate her feelings.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 4:29 pm
lilies wrote:
Cannot decide if this is a serious request Smile
Vashti?
Have her draw and color what it is she's thinking, during the day. Start with that. Let her show you a tangible version of her fears. Validate her feelings.


Yes I'm sure it sounds crazy but that's what set it off..mean queen Vashti

Whenever I try to discuss what she's feeling she answers I don't know.. I haven't gotten anywhere
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:07 pm
Just have her draw the picture and talk about it. Not " how are you feeling about it." If she talks about how bad she was, ask "what do you want to do with her?" Let her destroy it or whatever she wants with it. Or if it's bad dream s, make up another ending.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:09 pm
Anyone?? I'm really desperate I'm at the end of my tether..
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:11 pm
oneofakind wrote:
Just have her draw the picture and talk about it. Not " how are you feeling about it." If she talks about how bad she was, ask "what do you want to do with her?" Let her destroy it or whatever she wants with it. Or if it's bad dream s, make up another ending.


Sorry didn't see this thank you will try....
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:33 pm
My 4 year old has been sleeping in our room... somehow she senses the stress/ uncertainties and keeps crawling in. We don't allow her in our beds, but I let her sleep on the floor (on a spare blanket).
In the beginning I was bribing her to go back to her room but I realized she needs this sense of comfort right now. DH doesn't like it at all so he does convince her to go to her own beds some nights but at 3AM or so she's back here.
It's going to be hard to get back to routine once this is over, but for now I just let things be as they are.
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:39 pm
I completely understand. First when my 5 yr old learned the letter "Vav" and there was a Queen Vashti drawn on the paper with the "Vav" that got hung up with the rest of the Alef Bais in her room, she had me cover up the picture of Queen Vashti with a piece of paper.

Then, after she started learning about Purim in kindergarten, one night when it was time to go to bed she seemed scared and was hiding under her covers. I figured out that she was scared of Queen Vashti again. She would get scared that Queen Vashti would be upstairs or coming down the stairs and sometimes does not want to go down the hallway for that reason...For a while she would not want me to mention Queen Vashti's name or include the part about her when we would sing a song about Purim. I don't really blame her for all this, I used to get scared of stuff too Sad

So I told her many times that Queen Vashti is not alive anymore. We've discussed the concept of ppl not being alive and being buried somewhere since my mother passed away not so long ago, and I think that helped, but not completely. She is also still scared. I've stayed with her sometimes, got her mind off of it and gave her ideas of other things to think about... she has certain things she likes to dream about so I try to get her to think about that. She does tell me that she is scared to sleep with a view of the door and instead sleeps facing the wall and I think that is because she is still scared...

I have no major advice for you, I am also still dealing with her fears, but just wanted to let you know your daughter is not the only one... Hatzlacha, I hope you find a solution that helps her (and you!) soon!
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:11 pm
When my DS went through something traumatic, he started getting very scared to go to sleep by himself (he had always been fine with me putting him to bed and leaving the room). I was going out of my mind. I got advice which I thought was great: every night, you get a little further away from the bed. So in the beginning, you're in the bed with her or right next to the bed. After a couple of nights , you are a few inches further. Every couple of nights you move further away until you're at the door entrance. Then down the hallway. Etc. It really worked well for me so it might be something you can try.
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amother




Tan
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:21 pm
Check her mezuzah. There may be a sofer who can check it online. Also have her light a Shabbos candle if she doesn't already. Vashti didn't let her Jewish helpers keep Shabbos.
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:27 pm
You can also try putting her back in control.

"If Queen Vashti told us not to keep Shabbos, would we listen?"
"No way!"

"If Queen Vashti told us to bow down to an idol, would we listen?"
"No way!"

"Let's tell Queen Vashti: Queen Vashti, go away! You can't stop us from doing mitzvos!"

"Let's ask Hashem to take Queen Vashti away!"

"I bet Queen Vashti is afraid of pesukim from the Torah! Let's say some Pesukim to scare her away!" (If she doesn't know any, like Torah Tziva or Shema, teach her some.)
"Yay! Now Queen Vashti is going to run away! She is afraid when we say words of Torah!"
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Dolly1




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:48 pm
Op I feel for u!
My 4 year old DS is also having nightmares and I feel so sorry and helpless. He can wake me 6 times a night and I literally dont know what to do!!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Apr 01 2020, 7:21 am
Thanks everyone for your responses especially those who related and knew where I was coming from..will keep trying stuff I guess... Last night my husband just shlepped his mattress in her room so we could all get some sleep but it's far from ideal and I'm worried about making even worse habits!
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Dolly1




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:37 pm
I tell my DS every night in bed that we are all watching him and that Hashem is watching him. We say shema together and if he starts saying he is scared then I try to have him talk about it and sometimes it works to alleviate the fears. But some nights r soooo bad and he just keeps waking up and sometimes even wets his pants. I spoke to the pediatrician about it and he told me that it’s normal at this age, if that helps😄
Op, just know ur not alone ... even if u feel helpless!
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:41 pm
This is what I did with my 3 year old who kept waking up crying for me.
I gave him a stuffed animal to sleep with. Before he went to sleep, I gave his stuffed animal 5 hugs and kisses (choose whatever number you want) for "safekeeping". I told him that if he wakes up in middle of the night and he wants a hug and a kiss from mommy, he should just take one from the stuffed animal.
It worked! BH!
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baltomom




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:52 pm
Years ago when DD was 4 and had many fears, I told her Morah about it and she talked to the kids about how the mezuzahs on every door remind us that Hashem is watching over us and we don't have to be scared. After that every night before bedtime I walked around the house with her, kissing all the mezuzahs and repeating "Hashem is watching us." It really helped lessen her fears.

Good luck!
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Ora in town




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Apr 02 2020, 7:56 am
I suppose that the fear about Vashti's destiny would have been over by
now, were it not for the Corona-Crisis.

It is a hard time now and it is understandable that it affects little children.

Over here, in some european countries, it was explicitely not forbidden to go out, but just to meet people, because doctors considered it important for everyone, especially for children, to get some fresh air and exercise...

I could well imagine that the sleeplessness now is a result of being caged up the whole day...

I also could imagine that this is a situation that tends to escalate: whiny or overactive children -> unnerved parents -> more whinyness, or even hostility from children...

So the key is to stay sane and calm oneself, to have structure and activities so that children don't get bored.

But it's hard. I feel with you...
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