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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:25 pm
My Ocd is way up... this is the first time we are kashering our kitchen. All I wanted was to cover our granit counter tops- but noooooo-= dh said he would pour boiling over them. I did not want to start an argument. We borrowed a tea kettle and boiled the water, but then dh took the top off and put it down on the counter that was not kasher yet(but clean). > I did not say anything at first, but then I felt ill when I saw him almost do it again. I told him I was worried about what he had done the first time. he said he never really put it down. I am pretty sure he did, but I have to believe him.
My mind is spiraling. now in my head, that spot is not kashered because something hot was on it. The teapot cover is now not kosher for pesach cuz it was hot and touched the countertop which was not kosher for pesach yet and now the whole teapot is not kosher for pesach therefore the rest of my counter tops are not kosher for pesach. And now I want to sneak down in the middle of the night and boil a pot of water, kasher the tea pot and redo the whole thing.
I was doing ok all day!!!!
Why don't I believe dh- It sure looked like he put it down for a second and then picked it bask up... and his memory isn't great.
I am going to cry now- especially cuz the teapot is not ours....
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amother
Pink
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:32 pm
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sorry I dont have a solution for you but I feel your pain. I also have ocd. pesach and mikvah are the worst. people who dont have it will never understand. I thank my Rav that he still picks up my calls......
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allthingsblue
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:32 pm
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Is there a Rav you can call to talk this through?
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:38 pm
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I don’t have OCD so I apologize if this isn’t helpful or sensitive. I would let my husband do it on his own. Leave the roomsp you don’t see how he did it or if it meets your standard
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:41 pm
| amother [ Violet ] wrote: | | I don’t have OCD so I apologize if this isn’t helpful or sensitive. I would let my husband do it on his own. Leave the roomsp you don’t see how he did it or if it meets your standard |
Exactly what I did. But the whole I idea is running through my head over and over again. I should have left when he started.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:41 pm
| allthingsblue wrote: | | Is there a Rav you can call to talk this through? |
Nope- cuz it will show I don't trust dh.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:43 pm
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I am hoping someone tells me that my thought process is all wrong and the pot did not become not kosher for pesach.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:45 pm
| amother [ Pink ] wrote: | | sorry I dont have a solution for you but I feel your pain. I also have ocd. pesach and mikvah are the worst. people who dont have it will never understand. I thank my Rav that he still picks up my calls...... |
This is the worst- I feel like I am prepping for the mikvah and am doing things over and over again.
I double up on my meds to help me through this- Baruch Hashem for that!
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amother
Pink
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 10:49 pm
I did call my Rav about my situation.
But idk wat I'll do if he says it's not ok after my husband said it's fine...I'm just hoping it will be kosher
I just told someone that the rabbanim say to be calm but I think those who are calm stay that way and I'm just as nervous as always. Just a different scenario each time
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amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 11:12 pm
| amother [ Pink ] wrote: | I did call my Rav about my situation.
But idk wat I'll do if he says it's not ok after my husband said it's fine...I'm just hoping it will be kosher
I just told someone that the rabbanim say to be calm but I think those who are calm stay that way and I'm just as nervous as always. Just a different scenario each time |
so money hugs.. sending your way. I just want to curl into a ball and disappear.
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amother
Peach
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 11:28 pm
I get the same way OP. And I have an absent-minded dh too. Speak it over with the Rav and see what he says. If he says it's kosher, it's kosher. 100% fully kosher.
It helps me if I daven, please Hashem let everything be KLP, let dh kasher it well, let me cover it well, let everything be good. I repeat that as needed and it helps. Because it's not us who can control it. We make our hishtadlus but ultimately it's not us. So I tell myself "I'll do my best, Hashem You please do the rest."
I also stay away while dh is kashering the sink because I will completely freak out.
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amother
Olive
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Sun, Apr 05 2020, 11:32 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | I am hoping someone tells me that my thought process is all wrong and the pot did not become not kosher for pesach. |
It is 100 percent wrong. Being set down on a counter (even if hot) that in all likelihood did not have hot chametz on it, forsure not Ben yomo...
Tell yourself this is not a kosher issue, this is a calmness issue. Try and breathe through it. You can also daven to hashem- he knows you’re trying your hardest.
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amother
Royalblue
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Tue, Apr 07 2020, 10:24 pm
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I have the same issue- DH begged for my help Kashering the sinks for the first few year that we were home for pesach- we actually fought about it. But I told him if he wants me to use the sinks on pesach, I will not participate in the kashering process. I go up to my room and let him do it. 6th pesach here and no complaining from him. Talk to a rav this year to put your mind at ease, tell DH that it’s not him, it’s you, and next year stay out of the kitchen!
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amother
Rose
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Tue, Apr 07 2020, 10:31 pm
OP I have ocd too, so I feel like I get it. You should not call and discuss this with a rav, nor should you discuss it here in the hopes that someone will tell you it's fine. You should tell yourself that this is your ocd talking, and then just stop entertaining all thoughts regarding this!! G-d only wants us to do our best, and that includes letting our husbands do man jobs. Stop feeding the beast and he will shrink, shrivel and die.
We also kashered and didn't cover for the first time this year, and all day while prepping in the kitchen I'm having thoughts that maybe it's not kosher enough, but every time one pops into my head, I just tell myself there goes my ocd again, and then force myself to move on. Not easy, but doable.
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amother
Amber
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Tue, Apr 07 2020, 11:32 pm
You said it right in the title "My ocd running wild".
What you want to do with your ocd monster? Lasso him and. Sell him with the chometz? Lock him in a cage? Squish him in a drawer? Flush him down the toilet? Send him. on vacation to someplace far?
This isn't a religious issue, it's an ocd issue. Once you deal with it, iyh you'll have a wonderful Pesach.
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justforfun87
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Wed, Apr 08 2020, 12:06 am
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Funny. This is something we fight about too every year. He insists on Kashering. I think it should be covered just cause I could never get it clean enough. I let him do it and leave the room.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Wed, Apr 08 2020, 12:14 am
OP, don’t worry about it being chametz. Not all rabanim hold that you have to kasher counters. We don’t.
ETA and putting a hot pot down doesn’t make it chametz
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Wed, Apr 08 2020, 12:24 am
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I texted a Rav for you to double check
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