Candle Lighting Question

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:23 pm

Hey. I recently got married and feel dumb with some of my "basic" questions. Figured its worth it to post here. I married a sefardi guy so here goes: On friday night before candle lighting, I say the bracha, strike the match (I use long ones) and then begin to light my candles. However, the past two shabbats it got really frustrating because the match would flicker off before I even lit a candle. B/c I said the bracha already, am I not able to strike another match? How could I light shabbos candles if the flame goes out already?
Any suggestions?

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:30 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Light the candles first. Then make the bracha.

We are sefardi so I was taught to say bracha, strike match then light

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:31 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Do sephardi say the brocha before lighting?
I've never heard of that before!

yep

Just like in the mikvah I say bracha before going in the water

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:33 pm

healthymom1 wrote:

maybe ask your MIL or sis in laws?

So my MIL uses one of those long electric ones that looks like a gun, I find them difficult to use but thats a good idea to ask my SILs

sub

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We are sefardi so I was taught to say bracha, strike match then light

OK so,
How about a barbecue lighter? That’s what I use. Something like this. Would that help?

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:36 pm

sub wrote:

OK so,
How about a barbecue lighter? That’s what I use. Something like this. Would that help?

Oo thats what its called! Im so weak I have difficulty with it lol. I like using matches I feel like if I use that bbq lighter, it will keep flickering off and Ill have to relight it.

Any sefardi women here able to share what you do?

I grew up watching my mom doing it the ashkenaz way, lighting first then saying bracha and waving her hands 3x. It was so hard for me my first shabbos not being able to do the 3x thing!

ra_mom

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:39 pm

Can you light an extra candle, like a shamash, before making the bracha? Use the candle to light the actual shabbos candles.

avrahamama

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:42 pm

I say the bracha as I'm lighting. But I'm any case. Daily Halacha (rabbi mansour) said that the woman accepts shabbat once the candles are lit. So not Striking the match or making the bracha. But actually lighting the candles.

So just strike another match and light the candles.

ETA adding the link so you can read it yourself.
https://itorah.com/daily-halac.....1/971

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:43 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Can you light an extra candle, like a shamash, before making the bracha? Use the candle to light the actual shabbos candles.

I thought of that over shabbat but then I started to doubt that idea because if I light a third candle like a tea light will I always have to do that for the rest of my life?

Im curious what other sefardi women do?

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:47 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Wow this is a great website tysm! I just listened to a short clip.
Another q, I like to accept shabbat early, does my husband need to also accept shabbat early once I light?

amother

Lilac

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think that candle lighting is done as the mother does and not as the husbands family does. Correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe it's just a minhag accepted by many??

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 10:59 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

I think that candle lighting is done as the mother does and not as the husbands family does. Correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe it's just a minhag accepted by many??

My aunt told me that only has to do with the amount of candles, not the way you light but maybe its wrong? Im learning so much from this website lol!
Well anyway I don't think I can light how my mom does b/c she lights the ashkenaz way

avrahamama

Sat, May 23 2020, 11:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow this is a great website tysm! I just listened to a short clip.
Another q, I like to accept shabbat early, does my husband need to also accept shabbat early once I light?

Enjoy. I love this site. But not all Sephardim hold by chacham ovadia so make sure that your husband does. Also it sounds like in general you might want a Rav to ask your questions to.

I need a refresher on bringing in shabbat early also. Right now we aren't doing that as there is no shul to go to....

amother

Sat, May 23 2020, 11:03 pm

avrahamama wrote:

My husbands parents hold by rav abba shaul, but my husband is going by rav ovadia since we got married. Also its hard because we moved to a different country and my husbands rebbeim arent here. We really dont have a rav in this country and we don't even have a way to meet anyone b/c of everything closing. Ive been calling the local bais horaah when things come up...

avrahamama

Sat, May 23 2020, 11:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh man! BZH you find a local support system soon! You can always DM me if you need.