Do very unattractive people know they’re very unattractive?

BH Yom Yom

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 8:32 am

aliavi wrote:

I’m so sorry! Her issue with your looks was really her issue not yours. I can relate to your experience. You can be your worst critic or your biggest supporter now that you are older. Be your biggest fan. Looks fade and are subjective. Put in the time and energy into working through this. Positive affirmations helped me. At first I felt ridiculous but it’s made a big difference.

Well-said! Thumbs Up

yksraya

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:08 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not it’s not only on her personal fb acct it’s for everyone to see in a lots of different places like she’s searching for attention, and it’s not only to post about her life she keeps putting up pics of herself , closeups, and yes she’s very very homely

Maybe it is indeed that she does it for attention. But that still does not give anyone a right to calling others "ugly". You can say you don't like when ppl post pics as a means of getting attention. I dislike that too. Many ppl dislike that.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:10 am

I don’t know if I have ever noticed someone as being ugly. I will notice those who are gorgeous, etc but I have never identified a person as being ugly. What makes someone ugly? One can be fat , have pimples, a double chin, facial hair but those are all temporary blemishes.

Simple1

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:13 am

notshanarishona wrote:

This. You explained how I feel without the "fluffiness". Attractiveness is a character trait like any other.

yksraya

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:15 am

Success10 wrote:

Uch, stop all the fluffy, new age, feel good talk. Some people are, in fact, UGLY. Hashem's creations are varied, and there's nothing wrong with admitting the reality.

Well, I don't know your age. But I actually find that it's relativaly new age to bluntly call ppl "ugly". In my day and age, it was called bullying or at best bad manners or chutzpa to call someone "ugly".

Success10

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:23 am

yksraya wrote:

No, it's not okay to call someone ugly, to their face or behind their back.

I was just arguing the point that many posters here were denying the fact that physical "ugliness" does exist. Ugly is a strong word, so I agree it should not be used. But not everyone is attractive. I don't see the issue with accepting that. I wrote it before on this thread, we all have our pros and cons. It's ok to be aware of our flaws and accept them, even embrace them.

It's also ok that the woman the OP is referring to posts pictures of herself, seemingly oblivious to what OP thinks of her looks. Maybe she even doesn't consider herself attractive either, she just doesn't care.

giselle

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:27 am

Success10 wrote:

Uch, stop all the fluffy, new age, feel good talk. Some people are, in fact, UGLY. Hashem's creations are varied, and there's nothing wrong with admitting the reality.

Do you really think so? Do you think there are men who really think their wives are ugly? I’m asking seriously.. curious about this. I always thought it’s a matter of taste..

amother

Wine

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:32 am

Success10 wrote:

I think what people are trying to say that ugly is not the opposite of attractive. Ugly is not a word that applies to decent human beings.

Success10

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:32 am

giselle wrote:

Do you really think so? Do you think there are men who really think their wives are ugly? I’m asking seriously.. curious about this. I always thought it’s a matter of taste..

You make a solid point. If they are beautiful to someone, does that automatically negate "ugly"? Can you only be considered unattractive if everyone agrees you are unattractive? I don't have an answer, but I can ask the reverse, is a stunning woman only beautiful if absolutely everyone on Earth thinks they are beautiful? Does even one person not finding her attractive reverse the title of beautiful? Food for thought.

yksraya

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:38 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

I think what people are trying to say that ugly is not the opposite of attractive. Ugly is not a word that applies to decent human beings.

This!

Success10

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:42 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

I think what people are trying to say that ugly is not the opposite of attractive. Ugly is not a word that applies to decent human beings.

You're right, it's not a good word. But, for the record, that didn't stop many posters on this thread from insinuating or writing outright that the OP is in fact the ugly (on the inside) one.

yksraya

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:45 am

Success10 wrote:

Beautiful is a compliment. Ugly is mean word. I assume you understand the differance. You can say "I find her unattractive" or "she doesn't have "good looks" etc. But to say "ugly ppl" is just not nice.

And we don't decide who has the right to post pics of themselves. No one needs to hide just because some don't like their looks. I've seen pics of ppl who have real deformities, I don't like seeing it bec it's scary for me to see, so I avert my eyes. I don't say "ugly" or any other label, or why they have the right to post that pics etc...

yksraya

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:48 am

Success10 wrote:

You're right, it's not a good word. But, for the record, that didn't stop many posters on this thread from insinuating or writing outright that the OP is in fact the ugly (on the inside) one.

What I said was that what "I" call ugly, is bad middos. I didn't pertain it to OP. I speak only for myself tho.

giselle

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 9:51 am

yksraya wrote:

You bring up a great point. OP, would you say the same if the person actually had a deformity, or would you be saying how amazing and brave it is that she is bringing awareness and normalizing her “disability”? Do you think people who have Down’s syndrome are ugly?

Ora in town

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:18 am

Success10 wrote:

You're right, it's not a good word. But, for the record, that didn't stop many posters on this thread from insinuating or writing outright that the OP is in fact the ugly (on the inside) one.

This was a very provocative question...

Genius

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:32 am

giselle wrote:

People with deformities know that they have them. Op was asking if these people are aware of their looks.
I wouldn’t call Down syndrome a deformity. Like normal people there are pretty ones and less pretty ones

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:32 am

Success10 wrote:

Can physically unattractive people not be b'tzelem Elokim? Or are you saying by virtue of the fact that they are Btzelem Elokim, they can't be unattractive? I don't understand why we can't all have our strong points and weak points. We can't all sing well, we aren't all great at math, not everyone is even smart or deep. That's ok. We need to accept our shortfalls.

But people here are posting "if you view her as ugly, you must be ugly yourself". I'm not saying the OP made the nicest post, but I'm not really understanding a lot of people's replies here either.

I agree it’s just not truthful to pretend everyone’s looks are beautiful

giselle

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:34 am

genius wrote:

I didn’t call it a derfomity. I want to know if she’d call it ugly.

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:38 am

giselle wrote:

I didn’t call it a derfomity. I want to know if she’d call it ugly.

No. What’s pretty shocking here is all these holier than thou people not hesitating to call me ugly but pretending to be so offended at what I said.