The explosive child

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 4:55 pm

I was thinking of buying this book to help me with my 5.5 yr old ds. I’m currently enrolled in a parenting program, worked with him for 2 months, and have not seen any change. He is very logical and understanding when I talk to him, but when he explodes there is nothing that you will do/say/threaten that will work. Neither will ignoring. If you read the book, what are the main points? Was anything new to you?

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 7:00 pm

Following... my ds is 6.5 and I would discribe him the same way. We've worked with professionals for a yr (till he was 6) and didn't see any improvement so stoped. I get nervous wondering what will happen if this continues and he gets bigger and stronger. I think I need to try again with someone more experienced but until then am open to reading or impliting anything that can be helpful.

mha3484

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 7:05 pm

I use it and it has been the best thing for my family. I have a 9 1/2 year old with severe adhd and a 5 1/2 year old with aggression and anxiety. This has helped them both so much. My boys yeshiva uses this method as well.

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:00 pm

I keep thinking.... is it maybe ADD or something more serious? He is EXTREMELY happy, when in a good mood, and EXTREMELY sad when not. He can be hyper or crying hysterically and it’s so confusing.....

amother

Babypink

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:03 pm

The emotionally intense child can only be dealt with prior to entering that black zone. As a parent, it is my job to tune in and to see the cues of a storm brewing before the clouds burst.

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:07 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

The emotionally intense child can only be dealt with prior to entering that black zone. As a parent, it is my job to tune in and to see the cues of a storm brewing before the clouds burst.

Is this the essence of the book?

amother

Pink

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:21 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

The emotionally intense child can only be dealt with prior to entering that black zone. As a parent, it is my job to tune in and to see the cues of a storm brewing before the clouds burst.

Yes, but we are not only not perfect, but also not always there when this happens. And sometimes the only reliable cues come ten seconds before the burst. And sometimes we see the cues and adapt but our other kids do not.

There has to be something a parent can do with a child who has burst. Otherwise, all sorts of dangerous things can happen. When my child was 6, we could hold him in a bear hug until it stopped, and/or carry them to a room where they can be alone. You can't do that so easily once they get a bit older and bigger.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

have you checked for pandas or Lyme?

amother

Orchid

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Does it seem like an emotional regulation issue? Does he have a hard time returning to baseline from any strong emotion?
BPD can display from an early age

amother

Babypink

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:26 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

The more often you do this, the less often the outbursts happen. The idea is that the child learns, by you checking in with him, to check in with himself, and help himself or get help in deal with his emotions before they overwhelm him.

It's about teaching the kids the skills he needs by modeling it for him. Naming his feelings, validating them, having him offer suggestions, coming up with a mutual resolution. There's a whole lot more to this mehalech, but I've seen tremendous improvement BH with my two kids who would go from 0 to 100 in under 10 seconds.

asmileaday

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:30 pm

The explosive child is definitely worth a read. See if there's anything in there that you can implement.
It focuses on proactive parenting rather than reactive parenting.
It teaches you to try to pinpoint what causes your child to explode and work out a plan with him beforehand.

I also found the book "the whole brain child" to be extremely helpful.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:35 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Do you live in my? Can you say which yeshiva this is?

amother

Amber

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 10:51 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Does it seem like an emotional regulation issue? Does he have a hard time returning to baseline from any strong emotion?
BPD can display from an early age

Excuse me. Please do not go around diagnosing 6 year olds with personality disorders. This is ridiculous. This can sometimes be due to trauma. Please have him looked at by an OT who specializes in reflex integration.

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 11:09 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

I taught him skills, named his feelings, modeled, offered suggestions and they all sounded promising until the outburst actually happened. And it can happen from the smallest unassuming places and turn into full-fledged outbursts.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 11:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He had Lyme 2 summers ago, but he always had a difficult temperament

how did you treat? I’m going to bet this is a piece. Always having had a difficult temperament just means he is more predisposed to neurological sequelae. Kids with bartonella, a coinfection of Lyme, very often present with explosive rages.

amother

Sun, Jun 07 2020, 11:16 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Antibiotics for a long time. Maybe 5-6 weeks. There is no way to test for Lyme so I wouldn’t know if he’s still being affected by it.
He was always a “difficult” child that needed TONS of undivided attention, had a hard time getting along with peers, and lots of anxiety. I don’t know how much is related to the other, but this is him in a nutshell.