What stuff to buy to help her fit in to camp

Ora in town

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 7:32 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Your and every other society is also like that, each society at it's own level. It's human nature to want to fit in. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not doing your kids any good by having them be the weird nerds.

So I guess you're trying to protect your daughters from people like you who think those who do not dress according to the latest fashion fad are "weird nerds"?

sequoia

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 7:53 pm

I just want to comment on the idea that every society has these exact standards of what’s “trendy” or not.

I have NOT found that to be the case among my generation in the secular world.

A woman of my mom’s generation once remarked to me that I should dress zexier, wear makeup, etc. But in my age group, it really is all about individuality.

Of my female friends here:

1. One dresses f-tish/goth, with corsets, black lipstick, piercings, temporary tattoos, kinky boots, and all black clothing

2. One dresses in a cutesy way, with colorful minidresses, tons of makeup (I took the overnight train with her... girl set an alarm for six am to do her makeup), and looong flowing hair

3. One dresses in a wholesome way, in loose sweaters, plain jeans or skirts, curly hair, glasses, and no makeup but still looks awesome

4. One wears pantsuits, office-style makeup, neat haircut, nice shoes, and jewelry

5. And I wear t-shirts, maxi skirts, and ballet flats

And I swear no one is “in” or “out” and no one is trying to imitate anyone else.

It seems frum society is more dedicated to fitting in than the world at large.

lilies

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:02 pm

sequoia wrote:

You're saying they would accept a female friend in full chassidish gear too?
Oh please.

Ora in town

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:24 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I don't think so, but their friends and classmates might and probably will think so.
We're talking about teens here, not adults.

You spoke as if you personally thought that anyone who is not dressed in conformity with the "stylish" trends is a "weird nerd"...

So I can see where children are getting it from.

My personal opinion is that we should encourage our children not to judge other children according to the "stylishness" of their clothes...
Nor should we encourage our children to primarily seek conformity with the newst "style"...
But perhaps I'm missing something here...

Blessing1

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:27 pm

Ora in town wrote:

You spoke as if you personally thought that anyone who is not dressed in conformity with the "stylish" trends is a "weird nerd"...

So I can see where children are getting it from.

My personal opinion is that we should encourage our children not judge other children according to the "stylishness" of their clothes...
Nor should we encourage our children to primarly seek conformity with the newst "style"...
But perhaps I'm missing something here...

I meant from a teens point of view. Whatever, I'm done discussing it with you, you obviously don't understand. If you don't have advice for OP, start your own thread of how wrong it is to want our kids to fit it.

Ora in town

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:30 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

How wrong it is to have a whole society where mothers would ask what is "stylish" because they are afraid their children won't "fit in" because they don't wear the latest "stylish" clothes...

sequoia

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:34 pm

lilies wrote:

You're saying they would accept a female friend in full chassidish gear too?
Oh please.

Um... yes.

So weird how you know my friends better than I do.

There’s this frum couple in our group, he wears tzitzit out and everything, and no one has randomly “not accepted” them.

People can be friends on the basis of something other than clothes. What a novel concept.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:53 pm

OP, what is your child asking for? If it's within reason, and within the budget, then get her a few things.

My DD happens to be one of those "weird, nerdy" girls, who absolutely hates uniformity. It's one of the main reasons she wanted to move back to America. She felt stifled and suffocated in Israeli culture of "doing what everyone does".

Personally, I think that for some kids, being stuffed into a "fashion (or levush) box" can be one of the first things that makes them want to rebel.

She is popular in her circles because she is very "real", empathetic, and loyal. She has better middos than the vast majority of frum teens that I've met. She cares a lot more about the welfare of others, than she cares about what people think of the way she dresses.

She currently has green hair, and a pierced nose and lower lip. I think she looks adorable, and I'm extremely proud of the young woman she's become.

lilies

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 9:23 pm

sequoia wrote:

You seem to have misunderstood my point.
A frum couple where he wears his tzitzit out and everything isn't quite what I meant.

The ideology of someone dressing chassidish isn't usually accepted by secular people.
No one I know bases their relationship with others on the basis of clothes, but you probably can't believe that, as you post clearly implies.

Amelia Bedelia

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 9:47 pm

dandan wrote:

Ok since all the mothers on here are being obnoxious and telling you that you shouldn’t try and help your daughter fit in, I will!

So things that are in right now are
Light three quarter and long sleeve tees- ribbed is super trendy and very comfortable.
White sneakers are in too
Aviator nation is a company that a lot of girls are wearing its on the expensive side though....
Scrunchies are cute and super in
For shabbos everyone’s looking for easy breezy loose fitting dresses that are comfy
I think long black straight skirts are always in for camp meli makes good ones
Sides are popular- champion adidas birkenstocks to name a few
Also, tie dye sweatshirts and t shorts are very in now
And maybe a dri fit cap? Not sure if that’s necessary but very in now
And another thing is a hydro flask water bottle

Hope this helps!

What type of white sneakers? Can you post links? Dd and I have been searching for white sneakers

Mommyg8

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 10:15 pm

lilies wrote:

Where do you get this from?

Learning

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 11:42 pm

I think that the posters who say teens don’t need to fit maybe had it easy with their children for some reason. They never had a miserable child who tries to fit in and doesn’t know how to.
Even when Dd was in nursery the girls were noticing if one girl didn’t have “nice” clothes.
The secular society is more open about clothes but on the down side it is more open about other stuff which is not good like gender fluid and other crazy not modest stuff etc.
even the most open secular society wouldn’t except someone who wears offensive clothes. And offensive is very subjective to each society.

Mon, Jun 15 2020, 12:00 am

sequoia wrote:

I think this is a fascinating discussion (actually not so much, but regardless) that does not belong on a down to earth and practical thread.

Every society has its things, not always are they superficial, some more than others etc.

In typically developing teens the need to fit in is exceptionally normal, a mother preventing that by helping a chili’s fit in is great as long as nothing is excessive and there aren’t other issues at play.

Op kudus to you. I don’t have a child that age but I have some very up to date friend that do- the plain/ ribbed tshirt with colored skirt and white sneaker vibe upthread seems on target to me. And I echo the recommendation to go into a Jewish store and pick up a few of those staples (skirts and tops that style are not a non Jewish store style). The sneakers don’t have to be costly to be up to date and I’ve seen a range of styles... also a cute sweatshirt (butter or tie dye) is an item that gets used a lot and is easy to get right.