Husband doesn't want me to interview

westchestermom

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:52 pm

I recently got a small promotion at work. The same day I was notified of the promotion, I was contacted by a recruiter for a position at another hospital the same distance from home as my current job. The position she is recruiting for would be a HUGE step up from my current position. I am definitely qualified, and it would be significantly more money. However, the working environment, loss of union benefits and stress of more responsibility would probably not be worth it. I still wanted to interview just to see what they would offer. My husband got kind of upset because he feels it is a waste of time to attend possibly more than one interview after work and be away from my family, and why did I accept the promotion if I'm still looking around. I think it's good practice to stay up to date on interviewing skills and the current job market. What would you do?

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:55 pm

westchestermom wrote:

GO ON THE INTERVIEW. When opportunity knocks, see who's at the door.

And who says that the working environment and more responsibility wouldn't be worth it? You have the ability to delegate, don't you?

singleagain

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 5:02 pm

westchestermom wrote:

Are you sure it's not worth it? Or is it sour grapes? Are you saying it's not worth it to make yourself feel better if you don't go?

Only you'll know how much you might regret not going.

Especially, an initial interview. What's one night?

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 5:03 pm

I would definitely go on the interview. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a switch out of hand either.

Your husband has a right to his opinion. You don't need to persuade him to agree with you in order to go. Just acknowledge that his points are reasonable, but you have considered them and ultimately you have decided you want to go. He doesn't have to think that you're right and he's wrong in order to support you.

eagle

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 7:22 pm

I completely disagree with this point "why did I accept the promotion if I'm still looking around"
Accepting a promotion makes you even more valuable when looking around. You should always accept a promotion regardless even if you have plans to leave.

While I do think you should go on the interview I think you should try to convince him there is nothing to lose and there are no commitments involved in just seeing what they have to offer.

challahchallah

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 7:55 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

I would go in the interview and if offered the job would ask my current employers if they’d be willing to match or pay closer to what you could get there.

OP, I agree you should go on the interview just to see what your options are, but don’t use it as a tool to leverage more out of your current company. Accepting a counter-offer is often a bad long-term plan. Here’s an article that sums it up nicely:
https://www.askamanager.org/20......html

farm

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 10:18 pm

You should definitely interview. It’s always good to be aware of what’s out there and to keep your interview skills sharp.
The best problem to have is two excellent job offers to choose from.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 10:27 pm

I'm a bit confused. It seems that you are raising a family together. If you work more hours, dh will have to pick up the Slack. He isnt willing. Maybe have a hypothetical conversation about childcare and hiring household help.

I would never want dh to interview for a job that requires traveling. I dont think its controlling, its married life.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 10:27 pm

If you would consider the job, go on the interview and find out more about it. If you are not genuinely considering it at all, it is both a waste of your time and genevat daat to go.
His not wanting you to go sounds like he doesn't want you to consider the other job with the added stress and loss of benefits. He may feel that it will impact the family's quality of life, and feel that you might be tempted by the $ or prestige if you go for the interview. Have an honest discussion with him.

blessedflower

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 12:39 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

I agree. Assure dh you are only going to interview to learn more about what they have to offer and later you'll discusse with him how it can impact your lifes and what it is that dh wants vs what you want and find healthy solutions together. Nothing wrong with an interview but your dh seems scared of what might come

amother

Lemon

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 9:29 am

Go on the interview unless you know for a fact you would never take the position, in which case don't waste the interviewer's time. The interview is as much for you to find out about the job as for the job to find out about you. You may be pleasantly surprised and go for it, or you may be so horrified you stay put. You'll never know unless you go.

Is dh afraid you'll make more than he does and have more clout and be able to boss him around? The two of you need to talk. His fears shouldn't hold you back.

westchestermom

Sat, Jun 20 2020, 5:50 pm

Thanks everyone! The employer told the recruiter I actually had less experience than they were looking for so I didn't have to interview. My husband is a stay at home dad so there is no competition or ego involved, btw. I don't boss him, what a silly idea.