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At what age do you let babies cry it out?
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imagirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:55 pm
I am very bad at sleep training my babies. What age do you let yours cry themselves to sleep
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:57 pm
We didn’t do CIO we did Ferber at 6-7 months
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 9:59 pm
At age 20 and then some.
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rmbg




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:04 pm
Never
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amother




Orange
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:12 pm
Never. It’s cruel to let babies CIO. There are much better ways to get your baby to sleep.
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malki2




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:17 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
We didn’t do CIO we did Ferber at 6-7 months


Ferber isn’t much different than crying it out.
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:18 pm
malki2 wrote:
Ferber isn’t much different than crying it out.


It absolutely is. They’re both sleep training methods but considered opposite methodologies
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Ora in town




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:19 pm
imagirl wrote:
I am very bad at sleep training my babies. What age do you let yours cry themselves to sleep

never!Don't do that...

What you can do is
- wait a few seconds (later minutes) before picking baby up, so that they can build up patience and learn to self-soothe
- be boring at night, when they should sleep... don't play, don't stimulate...

But don't do this prolongued crying thing. This can really have a bad effect on attachment...
When a baby cries and no-one helps them, they learn to withdraw from attachment... they learn that their crying doesn't help, that no-one cares... It's really bad for babies.


In fact, I know a mother who went quite strictly with this cryingout... the result was that the children made a huge fuss before going to bed... because they knew no-one would come and pick them up once they were in bed... Please, please, don't do that!
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:22 pm
Never!!
Read The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems, by tracy hogg
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imagirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:28 pm
Sad so what can I do?
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momlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:40 pm
I did taking cara babies at 5 months. Took 14 days and she sleeps through the night. (Bah!)
It does involve crying
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imagirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:43 pm
I'm going back to work soon iyh and im completely not functional. I guess you are all right , crying it out is not the way to go
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 10:50 pm
We've all been there. You have my deepest sympathy.
But as a plan of action, no CIO is not even an option.
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malki2




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:07 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
It absolutely is. They’re both sleep training methods but considered opposite methodologies



Doesn’t Ferber method involve leaving the room and letting the baby cry?
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:11 pm
A baby is a person and I mean they have true feelings. They are very intuitive. When you let the baby cry it out it is a the greatest betrayal of trust and so cruel. Also it is not allowed by Chazal. Chazak said a mother that lets her babies cry for nothing will pay for it.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:29 pm
I sometimes used to let my little babies cry and cry with me right there with them (usually sitting beside them being extremely boring) after trying everything else and they were mainly crying from being overtired. Those were times when everything I did prolonged their agony by keeping them from falling asleep. I waited until they were extremely tuckered out by their screaming (again, with me sitting right there with them but when holding/rocking/etc. didn't help). Then I put their pacifier back in and patted them a little and they usually fell right asleep at that point. It didn't happen often that way, but it was occasionally a last resort.

At almost a year old I let one of my kids cry a little bit in his room (we didn't do "CIO," because we kept going in after a few minutes to check on him/reassure him), and within 2 days he was fully "sleep trained" and didn't make any fuss about bedtime or seem adversely affected.

My daughter basically just slept in my bed until she was old enough to bite me on the nose to wake me up to play. Nope, sweetheart, just plain no. And with that, she was ousted to her crib. (She was a few months old by then). Putting her to bed was an art form, but thankfully once she fell asleep she was fine even if she woke up here and there.

All of that said, every child and parent is different, and while I personally hate CIO, I understand why some people do it and I don't judge them. Sometimes as parents we need to make difficult choices that aren't ideal in order to salvage other factors. For the tomato-throwers, I am NOT saying it's good to let your baby cry and cry, but CIO also isn't the end of the world for a the few nights that it usually takes when it works correctly.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:34 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
A baby is a person and I mean they have true feelings. They are very intuitive. When you let the baby cry it out it is a the greatest betrayal of trust and so cruel. Also it is not allowed by Chazal. Chazak said a mother that lets her babies cry for nothing will pay for it.


Depending on circumstance, it's not "for nothing." For my son, for example, and admittedly it wasn't a true "CIO" like I explained in my last post, his lack of a healthy sleep pattern was more harmful to him than the couple of stressful nights.

For a colicky baby who cries and cries and his mother is going crazy from all the crying and can't heal properly from the birth because of the stress, etc. etc. CIO is a better alternative to prolonging PPD.

There's a reason all the nurses make sure to tell everyone that "no baby ever died from crying." Sometimes it's less about the baby and more about the mother (which by definition IS ABOUT THE BABY! "A healthy baby without a healthy mother is not a healthy baby.")

I think it's a sweeping generalization to say CIO is letting a baby cry for nothing. It's not the nicest way, no, but it's also not horrifying neglect.
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:34 pm
I have 4 kids. First slept through the night on his own at 3 months, other 3 I let CIO at around 7 months old. Took me one night for each of them. Bh they all slept beautifully after that. (My babies are all formula fed in case that matters)
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:34 pm
imagirl wrote:
I'm going back to work soon iyh and im completely not functional. I guess you are all right , crying it out is not the way to go

I feel for you! kinderwink.com helped me a lot, a great blog with a free guide about how to get babies to sleep without letting them cry it out. Or check out any other sleep consultants or one of the books. I think it's important to choose one method and stick to it.
And, (bracing for the rotten tomatoes), I know people who do cry it out at 9 months with all their babies and everyone is fine. It's a matter of comfort level.
Hatzlacha!
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:43 pm
Op don't believe most of the anti cio posts here.

I did cio at 4-5 Mos and it was the best thing ever. The kids learned to put themselves to sleep within 4 days and were STTN by 7 mos.

If you count total crying time of cio (3 nights of 30-45 min) vs total crying time of other methods or not training them at all, cio results in the least amount of crying and fewest sleepless nights. Sleepy baby = happy mommy.

Read Weissbluth's book. Forgot what it's called but will totally calm you down about cio. It's not making a baby cry. It's letting them. And teaching them.

If you're a mom who needs to sleep, not using this method is cruel to yourself. There is zero evidence of trauma to the baby or to the attachment relationship per the book.
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