At what age do you let babies cry it out?
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Post  Fri, Jun 19 2020, 10:39 am
banana123 wrote:
And sometimes there is nothing more than CIO - not during infancy and not later in life.

I find this discussion somewhat amusing. There are so many parents who only notice developmental delays when the child is already 2, 3, or 4 years old - usually because the delay is not an obvious, gross motor delay. But just because the parents only noticed the delay at a later age, doesn't mean it wasn't there from the beginning.

And the effects of insecure or disordered attachment are also often overlooked. The people trained to spot those issues are not usually called in unless someone reports an issue, or the family participates in a study.

Many, if not most, of the signs of insecure attachment are usually understood by parents to be caused by the child being "a difficult baby" or "very needy." We pass them off as normal stages of development. And that's what they look like to the untrained eye: Only someone with experience who can put two and two together will realize that there is an issue there, and it's not just "being a baby." And because so many children experience this kind of trauma, and so many babies exhibit these behaviors even in an extreme fashion, we no longer see it as anything other than "normal." The very extreme images that we all imagine when we think of insecurely attached infants are generally very rare.

Yes - the human race in general is extremely resilient. But not all people grow up emotionally healthy. Just because a child has an attachment disorder doesn't mean that child won't have children or make sure they stay alive to have their own children.

Babies may not be able to interpret CIO as "anything more than it is" but what it is, at its core, is "I need my parent, my parent is not coming." And in babies who do not yet have permanence, that translates into "my parent is gone, I'm all alone in the world, waahhhhh." After babies have permanence, they know the parent still exists and can come back. But they also know that the parent isn't coming, and they're not yet mature enough to understand why.

Learn about attachment.
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Post  Fri, Jun 19 2020, 10:56 am
banana123 wrote:
What does coming into the room every 2 minutes when a child is sleeping have to do with CIO?

I think you misread-- in another comment, I mentioned how I did intermittent CIO, as opposed to the extinction method. Amother Tan said it was cruel to do so for the length I chose to do (5-10 minutes), and that you should only let a baby cry 1-2 minutes at most. I was responding to that. Nothing about going in to a sleeping baby
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Post  Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:42 pm
nchr wrote:
From the day they are born - more consciously at 3 months old. I think it makes them smarter.

This is so so wrong on so many levels! Crying
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Post  Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:47 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
Most people claim that. We did too, at first.

In our case, it's true.
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