For women that go to the country

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 11:56 am

How do you cope being without your husbands all week? I had the option to go this year but feeling too dependent on dh .
I need my dh every day with me . I just cant be without him an entire week. How do you women do it?? And let this alone , would you trust your dh all week by himself without having his wife if he gets turned on?it can be quite dangerous and risky , wonder how do even husbands handel without having s....x all week . Dont they look out for different ones???? Always have this question but wouldnt ask this in in real life.

Zehava

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:04 pm

Seems like a pretty codependent relationship .FTR you don’t always have to be available to him.

Last edited by Zehava on Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:22 pm

You sound very young and not long married. With time you will hopefully learn to be a bit more secure and self-reliant and not 'need' to be with your dh every day. I didn't say you wouldn't choose to, but only a very insecure woman needs to.

I'm married long enough to have grandchildren. Being out of the city for the summer was never an option because I work, but even if it had been an option, I wouldn't have gone if Dh couldn't. I had no fears that he'd be unfaithful, and past the first year or three of marriage I didn't have that intense "need" to be in his presence all the time, but I don't like to give myself big treats and not share them with him. If he has to suffer in the city heat, so can I. And tbh the thought of being with the kids all by myself w/o dh around to do his part was too horrifying.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:47 pm

I'm not young though , we bh have a wonderful relationship and I dont have friends so my dh is my only company thats why it's so hard to depart , however , could be country would be a great opportunity for me to make new friends just never tried and afraid to take the step.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 12:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When we lived in Brooklyn, I did it totally for the kids. This is the best thing ever for them, to be able to play out on grass, go swimming, have the freedom to run around, and have the country experience. But I never went for full summer, afew weeks was enough for me. The not trusting DH never crossed my mind and it's probably something you need to work on. DH actually enjoyed the piece and quiet at home and he went to sleep very early.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 1:00 pm

I used to be like you. I live OOT and my friends would take their kids into NY for the summer and I thought they were crazy. But now my kids got bigger and I'm the crazy one LOL

Yes, its ridiculously hard to be away that long (longest I've not seen DH was 4 weeks). But at this stage in our lives our kids need this so much that we are both willing to sacrifice for them.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:12 pm

I can’t imagine leaving my husband behind. There are definitely men that cheat over the summer while their wives are away. What percentage? I have no clue. But there have definitely been personal postings on Craigslist and the like looking for hook ups. That shouldn’t stop you from going if you believe your husband is faithful.

tweety1

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:16 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

How long are you married for?

I'm married for -- yrs and I for life of mine just don't understand it. Even I'm niddah I need him in the next bed. I need to see him not every single day but 5 days a week.
As far as trusting him to stay behind I wouldn't even think abt that bh. I trust my dh a million percent.

amother

Gold

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:19 pm

tweety1 wrote:

Same, and I don't think I am needy and dependent.

Married couples are supposed to be together. It's not needy to not want to be apart from your husband for 10 weeks, only seeing him weekends.

That said, I'm sure there are very good considerations which would make this arrangement worthwhile. But nobody is needy for not lovign it.

I always think the same about going to your mom after having a baby. I did it with my first because it was "expected", but it was really, really hard and I was wondering how everyone else manages.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:21 pm

tweety1 wrote:

Thank you! So I'm not so crazy! I guess it depends on the connections people have with thier husbands . If someone has a close, mutual, romantic, marriage I think will understand why it would be hard to depart.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:25 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

This is the reason that you won't go away without him? If a man cheats, he cheats while his wife is home. A cheater is a cheater. Do you have reason to suspect your husband would do this or you have trust issues in general? Men aren't pigs and a normal guy wouldn't run off cheating when their wives are away and it's sad to think that women don't go away for this reason and think they they have "control" over their husbands if they stay home.

amother

Blue

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why would you be crazy for not wanting to be away from your husband for two and a half months out of the year? Maybe it’s crazy if you do that?!😉
I’ve done it and probably will do it again but it’s always with a heavy heart

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:29 pm

tweety1 wrote:

I also never understood it and said that I'll never do it. Till I lived in one bedroom with afew kids and they had no where to play and were going crazy. At that point I felt like I needed it for myself as well.
We decided that we need to put our feelings aside and do it for the kids. DH left Monday morning and was back Thursday evening. So it was all of 3 nights without DH. I'm so thankful that we moved out of Brooklyn and my kids have space and opportuniy to run around, play, and ride their bikes safely.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 2:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wouldn’t want bungalow life either. But being afraid your dh will cheat and having him be your only friend is not the healthiest reason.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:13 pm

Quote:

Huh? This is such a bizarre response. I have a "close, mutual, romantic, marriage" with my DH. I cry to him on the phone literally every day how much I miss him. But I'm still putting my kids' needs first. And I believe that's what all the other posters mentioned too.
It's ok to not understand- it means you're lucky enough to have never been in a situation that made it a necessity, but to say you must have a more loving relationship is just strange. That's not validating anything anyone above said. Doesn't even seem like you read the responses

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:16 pm

I don't understand some of the replies on this thread. DH and I parent together, parenting alone 24/6 would be so difficult. And we are best friends so it would be lonely as well.

Plus the kids would be so mad and miss him so much. They hate when he's at work, why would they be okay with not seeing him other than on weekends for an entire summer? And how is it healthy for them to see that when we go on vacation we don't go as a family, we leave someone behind for the entire summer instead of working to accommodate them?

Plus we both sleep better when we are together in the same room. Nights when he is up learning all night I can't sleep. And he doesn't sleep well without me unless he is exhausted from a birth. LOL

Of course we would never do this, we stick together as a couple and as a family.

Cheating? Driving in one night because you need something while not being together the rest of the time? Is that the focus here? Is that what marriage is all about? I'm genuinely horrified.