How do you manage???

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 5:33 pm

Perhaps this should be in emotional health.
I'm writing this using stolen time. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel.
6 am (if I'm luck): wake up to change and feed 4 month old. Bring baby to bed, try to catch a few more winks of sleep. Dh serves kids breakfast.
7 am: go down to kids (6 and 3 yo), have coffee and breakfast, feed and change baby again if needed, feed kids more breakfast if needed, try to clean up from breakfast (the kids make a meeesss)
8 am: get myself and kids dressed, make sure everything is packed
830: start taking kids to carpool
930-3: work
3-345 pick up kids
345-5 /6: prep dinner, do homework, put away dirty shoes and swim clothing, feed baby, watch kids play
5/6-7: dinner for everyone, bathtime
7-830- try to put 3 yo and baby to sleep (Baby doesn't go to sleep easily, can take an hour and I might not have success
830 - bedtime story for 6 yo
845 - 11: make lunch for myself and kids for next day, clean up, small laundry load, learn with a friend, exercise if I'm lucky enough to have time, prep dinner for next day

11-6: try to sleep, often wake up for baby

How how how how can I continue this for much longer? I feel stretched to the max.

Dh is out long hours, plus davening... he helps as much as he can especially on weekends
Can't get anything done on Sunday because kids are all home

Pls post tips or validation

amother

Mint

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:28 pm

You can try analyzing your schedule and seeing where you can work things out better.

For example, if you clean up and do laundry for an hour, can you get more cleaning help? If dinner takes you 45 min in the afternoon, can you cook several easy meals for the week on Sundays? Mother's helper for bedtime....

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:34 pm

First of all, that is alotttt. You must be high energy because you’re actually getting all this done.

Something small that stuck out to me because I’m quite immersed in infant sleep now (I have several littles so can’t give advice about juggling the older ages...) baby’s bedtime can be a bit later. Like 8:30/9, then you can have 6 year old play with him/ put in swing... I think a 3 year old and a baby is a hard combo to put down together...

Also, is baby napping well? Are you sleep training ( even if you aren’t, a good daytime schedule can do wonders). Sleep is such a gamechanger!

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:49 pm

Trying to sleep train. No success yet. Baby is at a relative while I'm at work and my relative has not had success getting my baby to sleep long stretches or every two hours. My baby can't seem to sleep normally there (and babysitting in my home is not an option).
I like the idea of having six yr old watch baby while I put 3 yo to bed, then I can spend time with him, and then put my baby to bed.

(I am rather low energy, but I need all this stuff to get done so I just do it... I've been getting groceries online, target drive up, no gym... covid has made my life easier in some ways! I have cleaning help but with little kids, I still have to be on top of the mess and laundry while it's small, so it doesn't turn into an impossible to climb mountain.)

amother

Denim

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:53 pm

I have a somewhat similar situation. My DH considers Sundays to be “family time” in that he spends enjoyable time (either in or out of the house) with the two older ones, leaving me with just the baby and some nice stretches of time to prep suppers, do laundry, all that

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:54 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

I can't get a mother's helper, it's not in the budget. But I am going to think about it and see what can be done...

Dinner doesn't take 45 minutes but when I walk through the door after work, I need to do so many things at once: wash all our hands, put away everything, wash pumping parts, put away dirty laundry from swimming, feed kids a snack and drink, entertain them somehow, feed baby if she needs it at the time...
Cleaning and laundry is usually 15-20 min chunks at a time (a few of them here and there). It's just that when the kids are kvetchy and fighting and it's hot outside and there are so many things I need to do at once and that I need to remember not to forget... it's stressful and I feel like I need to be an octopus, with 8 hands doing 8 things at one time.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 6:55 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

That's nice!
Dh works on Sunday.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:01 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Can he do this for you on Friday? Even if it's an hour or two before the zman?

He comes home at 5. He watches them while I shower, then he needs to shower. He does set the table and the urn for shabbos. And if the cleaning lady couldn't come he washes the floors.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:04 pm

Also, in another 2-3 years, your oldest will need you less and be able to help out a bit. I know right now it's tough. Really tough. But they do grow up and help themselves more and need you less. If you need to take a day off to yourself, do that. Send baby to babysitter and treat yourself to a "me day."

And sometimes it's worth it to leave the hills of housework and laundry to become mountains. Those days spent ignoring the hills can re-energize you to more quickly tackle the mountains than the daily grind of constantly being on top of them.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He comes home at 5. He watches them while I shower, then he needs to shower. He does set the table and the urn for shabbos. And if the cleaning lady couldn't come he washes the floors.

Do you at least take a long shower? lol

Where I live right now the zman is at 8. He can take them out from 5 till 6:30 and then shower and set the table. You need to have a break for yourself one way or another.

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:06 pm

Madam F. wrote:

In the summer you can feed your kids supper while theyre playing outside. Goes down easier and saves time.

With a baby, it's hard. I have to bring the food outside, then bring the baby out, down the steps... it's hot, they want drinks etc, it's a lot of back and forth for me. And I don't want to eat outside- I want to eat inside, so that means I can't eat until they're finished. (Right now, I usually serve dinner to the kids myself and Dh all at once, or I eat with the kids.)

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:08 pm

Here's a small life hack. If your washing machine has a timer, put in laundry at night, set it to start at 6 am. When you wake up, transfer clothes to the dryer and you will have warm fresh clothes ready in the morning. You absolutely can put bathing suits in the dryer, by the way.

amother

Coral

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:08 pm

I feel for you. I have a 5 year old, 2 year old and newborn. It also feels like I'm always on the go. Once the older 2 are sleeping, it's dinner for DH and I, laundry, dishes, sweeping up, putting away toys, dealing with newborn etc... It's tough but I keep telling myself this too shall pass. DH also works on Sundays and comes home late on Fridays. He has been going into work a little later in the mornings so he can get the kids out to camp and I can deal with newborn/nap. It's tough!

amother

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:10 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

I look forward to that time! Although I don't want to let these years go by without giving my kids the TLC and time they deserve.
I don't like mountains. I'm stressed thinking about the mountains. And if I waste time I don't feel accomplished. At least now I am tired burnt out exhausted but happy that my house is organized Wink

Thanks for helping me see the silver lining

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jul 14 2020, 7:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Take 5 minutes to bring everything outside, including drinks and a garbage bag. Then bring the kids out. Why don't you want to eat outside with them?