Dd hates color war

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:35 am

My very dramatic 10 yr. Old dd came home from camp miserable because they broke out color war. She doesnt want to go to camp tomorrow to avoid it. Dramatic as in she said the following to me:
Ppl do anything to avoid drafts, so will I
War tears friendships apart
She is not competative
I told her to suck it up and manage for the day, she says she cant
Ok she is drama queen
So do I have to let her stay home or can I make her go?
I am technically off work and home tomorrow but it was going to be the first time that I have any time to myself without kids this summer. As is, I have 1.5 h to myself. This is with sending my 2 yr old to babysitting this week in an attempt to get some private time to myself. and it's back to work on Friday.
Wwyd....

Iymnok

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:40 am

You called her dramatic three times. She is upset. Listen to her hear her out. Try to help her find a solution that she could be happy, or at least okay with.
She doesn’t like competition. That can be a good thing.
Can she be neutral and help everyone or man the supply room? Work with her.

twizzlers1

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:41 am

I'm actually surprised that camps are having color war this year. Doesn't that mean mixing different bunks together?I was thinking that if they did have camp this year that that would definitely not happen so I'm quite surprised.

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:46 am

twizzlers1 wrote:

Small backyard camp, its like 6 kids vs 6 kids

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:48 am

Iymnok wrote:

2 small groups, no supply room.
Her friends are gonna be upset w her if she helps the other team, I'd assume.
Yeah, I did. Who cries for 2 hours cuz of color war At wits end

amother

Apricot

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 3:19 am

So what if she doesn’t want to. Don’t force her to play something she’s not interested in playing.

She’s sensitive and that’s a good thing. If she doesn’t want to play color war it’s not the end of the world. Some kids don’t like these kinds of things while other people do.

mamma llama

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 3:24 am

I would send her to day camp with a book or activity booklet so she'll have something to do other than the color war activities. Otherwise, she'll just be sitting on the side unhappy all day - even if she is being a drama queen...

Elfrida

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 4:04 am

mamma llama wrote:

I would have hated that kind of activity. I'm glad I never had to go to summer camps.

But sending her with a book isn't necessarily a solution either. It's not easy to sit on the side, even by choice. Everyone will be telling her what fun they are having and how she is missing out. Her team will be telling her how much they need her to make things fair - and potentially blaming her if they lose. Its hard to resist that kind of pressure, and only reinforces her statement that competition breaks up friendships.

Ask her what she thinks the impact of staying home will be. Her team may not like that either. Ask her if she has any better options, making it clear that you aren't going to entertain her at home. Try to come up with a joint solution. Camp is meant to be fun, not a required activity.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 4:25 am

I hated color war as a kid. It brought out the worst in people. I'm a grandmother now, and I still think it was awful. I'm a well adjusted introverted adult, in case you're wondering. Just let her stay home. Her feelings are real.

champion

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 6:59 am

As a kid I used to go to camp only in the half that did not have color war.
The year I was there for color war I faked sick for those two days.
I hated and still hate color war.
Would people have called me dramatic back then? perhaps.
Today, as an adult I know that am the one that sees the world very differently than most. Being such a child often means your are misunderstood and wrongly labeled.
I can pick up the vibes/energies that are in a room. Being in a competitive environment really hurts.
I am also a very well adjusted adult and I am usually the 'therapist friend'.
You would be doing her a great chesed if you let her stay home.

10 is not so young, Perhaps you can tell her that you won't be as available in the morning because you were planning to just chill all day. And instead you will ____ with her in the afternoon/Tomorrow/on Shabbos...

amother

Ruby

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 6:59 am

My girls hate it too. They don't like the chants, both because of the competitive thing and because it is loud. Overall, they don't like what is does to the girls, and how there is never down time, and how they often get split from their friends. I usually let them skip.

Dd had a small color war in a small camp this week. She said it was ok in the small camp for 1 day, vs what it normally is. I would tell dd that because of the setting, it may be different. Tell her that she needs to go, and after an hour and a half (your down time), if she wants to come home she can call and you will come get her.

Notsobusy

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 7:08 am

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

I like this idea. My dds also hate color war and if possible I would let her stay home.

But I completely understand how important the alone time is for you. For me thats been one of the hardest parts of the last few months, never being home alone.

If you can have your alone time and then pick her up from camp, that might make both of you happy.

Iymnok

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 7:12 am

Notsobusy wrote:

And they start off with davening Anyway.

amother

Mint

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 7:17 am

Try letting her talk without fixing it. See if you can figure out what it is about color was she hates. (I mean you don’t figure it out - she should express it without you saying it isn’t so bad )

You are probably anxious about it to and expressing it that way because if your day off (I would).

I like the idea of picking her up half day.
Is she able to stay home alone or hang out at a neighbor while you run errands
Can she come up with a solution (bring ear plugs, bring her own art supplies, etc.)

amother

Bisque

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 7:28 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Exactly what I was going to say.
Although I'm not a grandmother.
Ugh I hate color war so much. I always felt pressured because I was usually captain and it brings back such horrible memories. (whether it was a year our team won or not)

I'm very introverted. I only realized as I grew up. Perhaps that's related. I also am super sensitive (both ways, towards others and myself) and altruistic. All these just really don't add up to enjoying color war.

avrahamama

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 8:19 am

I hated color war also. But I went to sleep away camp and so I didn't get to sit it out.

I can't imagine backyard camp with a dozen kids being so intense. Let her go. Keep your personal time. Let her be a staff asistant for the day or something.

Yes her feelings are important. Say oh I know it's not fun, can you find creative ways to stay at camp and not get caught up in the drama? Let her figure it out for two day. What are camp hours 10-3? She will be fine. And if she really isn't fine after day 1 then you can keep her home day 2. (But don't tell her that)

It's been a long 5-6 months. It's ok if she isn't under your wings for a few hours.

Notsobusy

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 8:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She is hiding under her covers and refusing to get out of bed Can't Believe It

Any chance you can make her stay there for the next couple of hours? (Only half joking here Wink

)

Im sorry, its so frustrating when you finally get time to yourself to lose it for such a dumb reason.