What do you prefer as gift from guest?

amother

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:33 pm

When hosting guests (family with kids) for shabbos do you prefer that they bring something for the house (nice vase, tray, etc.) or rather toys for the kids?

Blessing1

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:35 pm

I don't expect a gift from guests but when we're being hosted, we usually give a candy/chocolate platter to our hosts.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:39 pm

I've hosted alot because I live right near a Simcha hall. I don't expect a gift, but honestly will say that most vases/trays/etc..get regifted.

Of course, as a veteran chocoholic, that is the gift I enjoy the most.

But I'm glad to do the mitzva when I'm able, and gifts are not necessary.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:44 pm

Toys for our kids or to bring for their own to use? I don't expect anything for the kids.

Any kind of acknowledgement is appreciated, of course, but I really don't want to receive household goods. They are likely to be donated to charity as soon as possible. Flowers, a potted plant or a candy tray are much better housegifts, IMO.

If the guest is someone you know well, then a more personal gift is nice. If your friend mentioned that she likes a certain vase or her kids could use some fresh Play-Doh, by all means, bring it along.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:45 pm

Chocolate and/or wine for the hosts, unless you know that they don't drink, are diabetic, etc. Sometimes you just need to check with them first, even though it will spoil the surprise.

NEVER bring candy for the kids. You have no way of knowing what the parents' rules are, and it's best not to go there.

A toy that everyone can play together is great, but check first. If the kids already have more toys than they can take care of, the parents might not appreciate one more.

Instead, sit down with the kids after the meal, and play one of their games with them. The gift of your time and attention is better than any new toy, and it will give the parents a chance to relax a bit. Priceless!

avrahamama

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:46 pm

When I'm a guest I like to give a platter that I buyyself from HomeGoods with some fun shehechyanu style fruit in it. The kids seem to like that more than candy. And it's a fun way to try new things together at the table.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When hosting guests (family with kids) for shabbos do you prefer that they bring something for the house (nice vase, tray, etc.) or rather toys for the kids?

None of the above. Something consumable. A nice bottle of wine, chocolate, or fruit.

I have very specific taste, and its unlikely that the tray or vase you select will fit in, or be used. My kids have enough toys, for the most part (or did when they were little enough to play with toys).

mommyhood

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 12:49 pm

I prefer consumable gifts (chocolate, candy, wine) or toys/books for my kids unless you know me and know what I could use.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:09 pm

BTW someone gave us a decorative Havdalah candle as a gift, and we are currently using it and enjoying it.

acemom

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:20 pm

It depends on the relationship with the guest.

When my brother and his wife come they bring toys for the kids. He usually knows what they will enjoy and what I wouldn't mind getting.

My SIL or other guests I'd prefer something for the meal/wine/chocolate/dessert etc. I'd really not appreciate extra knickknacks or utensils. Flowers are also much appreciated.

That being said, when I invite people I am not counting on getting anything. I open my home to enjoy your presence, not presents.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:24 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I wish my guests would realize that we don’t expect anything at all

I totally agree. Especially as I feel like it's become a "thing". Like, if a Simcha isn't expensive enough, there's now this expectation of fancy hostess gifts, etc...or guests feel they have to.....

I wish people wouldn't feel this pressure.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:28 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I wish my guests would realize that we don’t expect anything at all

I hear that, but guests get as much, or more pleasure out of giving, than the recipients get out of receiving.

Haven't you ever shopped for someone you care about, and really enjoyed the process of coming up with something that you know they will like?

B'H you don't want, need, or expect anything. Just let your guests have some fun (and be grateful you don't live in Japan, where "gift culture" is so complicated it will make your head spin!)

zaq

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 1:54 pm

Something consumable. Wine, nuts, dried fruit, or really good fresh fruit. Maybe an unusual fruit juice like pomegranate or currant. Assorted- flavor honeys. Once in ten years a pillar havdalah candle that stands on its own. Now and then a nice hand towel for netilat yadayim; I'm not so makpid on color scheme for kitchen hand towels, but please in dark colors that don't show dirt. Give me a white one or pale pink and it'll be regifted so fast it'll leave skid marks. Please no candy or tchotchkes.

chocolatecake

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:00 pm

I always give either chocolate/candy platter or a bottle of wine.

I enjoy buying the nice platters of chocolate/candy for my hosts and I also enjoy receiving them from my guests. The wine is DH department.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:06 pm

avrahamama wrote:

You can come be a guest at my house anytime!

banana123

Thu, Jul 16 2020, 2:10 pm

If you can, come a bit early and help with the crazy hour just before Shabbat.
If you don't want to help clear the table or do dishes, no problem, just keep the kids busy so that we can do it. Smile