Help me have bitachon in health crisis....what shld I think?

amother

Sat, Jul 18 2020, 11:08 pm

I consider myself someone who has been going through a lot of hardships in my life. I've tried to improve my bitachon trust in hashem and daven for my life to be better.

Now, I have a new hardship(which is even more overwhelming so I'm not even thinking how I'll manage everything else on top of this but that's a different discussion. )

Right now, my child got diagnosed, and I'm going for a follow up to get the details and see if theres anything I can do. Although there is no cure, I'm hoping another part of the body is not going to be affected by this. I know the initial diagnosis is correct about something my child cant do as my child confirmed this.

So, I'm confused about how to think about this in terms of hashem/trust in HIm.

I know I cant rely on a miracle and must be realistic that with this diagnosis comes a very
Handicapped life etc....I'm so confused...am I supposed to daven that everything should go away and
My child should be completely healthy (but this seems like I'm relying on a miracle?)???

Or, am I supposed to say I know my child has problem A with her body, but please dont make it get worse. (At this point, it's bad but not that bad, but if it gets worse, it would be even more devastating.....

I know that unfortunately, many ppl here have experienced health issues with their children or themselves, and I need some insight about how to think about this in terms of what to daven for(I learned not to rely on a miracle) and what to think in terms of trusting hashem etc..

I have a friend that is handicapped and dont want to tell anyone about this now. But, I always gave her a listening ear, and she had these same questions. Life is so hard..

If anyone can give me advice or share their experiences/thoughts and how they daven or connect to hashem.

Tia.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 12:00 am

I'm going to remain anonymous today, because it's in my best interest but please believe you aren't alone in asking these questions. As I have experienced great tragedy this year, insurmountable, in my opinion, I turned to a Rav with my questions. Believe it or not, my first question was "Why is it always me?" and from there I went to, "How can I love someone who constantly causes me pain and controls my destiny totally? " Obviously I was distraught and convinced I would never get through my hardships alive.

I was told to memorize this. Like a mantra. "Hashem is your father. He can do no wrong, ever. If He did it, He will give you the strength to get through it. Because He knows you can. You are on His train, He is your conductor. The more you show Him you can handle it, the more He will personally show you His love. Never stop talking to Him. Never. And the tears of a mother crack the heavens wide open. "

So I wrote it down. I put it on my computer. On my phone. In a corner of my fridge door. On my night stand. And every day, I find one positive thing He did for me and I wrote it down. I now have three full pages. I talk to Hashem all day. I mean, all day.

I feel like a new, beloved person. You don't have to take my word for it. But it worked. I don't "pray for certain things." G-d knows what I need from Him better than I do. I just talk to Him. All day. I wake up with the words, "Good morning, Hashem." Because I truly believe He is with me all day and watchibg out for me. I wish I could tell you my hardships so you can understand where I'm coming from but too many people know me.

Please try this. You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck and I hope you start noticing Haahem's presence in your life immediately.

amother

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 12:34 am

Thank you so much to everyone for replying .

I have always been talking to hashem in english...this is how I daven because I dont have
Time to daven the hebrew in the siddur and cant even concentrate on the words...

But, since I've been going through other hardships, I have always asked hashem to help me manage which He has...(although I still suffered through it...) but I've always asked for Him to help me with specific things as I heard a shiur about us being allowed to ask for details...and I connect more that way....but health is different because we also learn about hashem running the world according to nature"" and health "goes according to nature ".

But, here, I feel like I want to ask for the situation not to spread to other parts of the body, but I've always wondered if we can ask for "miracles" when it comes to bad news from drs....on the other hand, others have told stories about drs being wrong and they were miraculously cured(although I think these stories are rare....most ppl I know who have health conditions dont experience these miracles..)

Thanks again for supporting me and responding.

amother

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 1:00 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

Why would you advise again reading a book that guides you how to improve your emunah?

I appreciate you posting a suggestion. And, if this book worked for you, great, but I do agree that if it has a lot of miraculous stories (which most books have), then I cant relate because I personally and ppl I know have not had yeshuos/miracles like these.

Yes, hashem is in my life, and I see that He helps me manage, but now my life just got worse and I dont see these miracles or "savings" like these books..etc. tell

However, I still appreciate you sharing your opinion.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 1:15 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

Why would you advise again reading a book that guides you how to improve your emunah?

I don't believe it strengthens emunah. I think it gives people that are suffering with difficulties in their life false hopes about how hashem runs the world.

This book is full of story after story about how sick, poor, infertile, and desperate people had sudden and miraculous change of fortune after believing in hashem. It is simply not realistic about how things really work. We need to daven and trust in hashem that he will ultimately help us, but not in the way the book describes which is more in line with......Man with 10 children is about to get evicted when he goes for his tehilim and opens it and an envelope with a check for $50,000 falls out. These stories are not helpful.

Surrendered

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 1:28 am

Emunah Daily by R'Dovid Ashear, Either via phone on chazak hotline (he has his own hotline as well). As eell as his books give great chizuk during trying times.
Listen in and read up on Bitochon shiurim. It'll keep you going.
The best advice I received when we went through an extremely challenging Nisoyon, was to take it minute by minute and not think how we'll get through this...
How is it possible that people have anxiety, depression, nervous break downs, heart attacks... if Its known that Hashem gives a person the kochos to handle his challenges???
We were told that "Hashem give the person the kochos to handle the situation at that moment only. When we start thinking How we will manage or how it'll work out, that's when people lose it and break under."

Remember to take minute by minute only.

And yes, you should beg Hashem for a complete Refuah because HE is Hakol Yochel. He can change the situation for the better. Never stop asking.
Refuah Sheleima.
Can I have his full name so I can daven on his behalf?
May Hashem give you the kochos to handle and accept whatever HE sends your way and may you see the good in everything that happens.

amother

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 9:16 am

Surrendered wrote:

first, thanks for this. I have always used this strategy to get through my hardships although its not easy because sonetimes our minds start thinking of the future and thats a test of bitachon not to worry.

even right now, im focused on finding best treatments/drs and(only in back of my mind im thinking of how bad the situation can get
but im tryimg to focus on the now)

thank you for addressing my question of what I can ask hashem for. I will ask him to cure my child completely(although to be realistic, I wont expect a miracle like the books are full of...ill ask and know answer might be no)

in terms of a name, im keeping this private. I cant tell my mom or inlaws because they tell my business to the sibilings. I want to keep this private. my sisters will know if they see the name.

thanks for posting.

amother

Green

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 9:50 am

OP, I know this feeling first hand. We are going through crisis after crisis, and bh I can say that overall I am calm and take it as it comes.
People constantly ask me what my trick is in keeping calm in such trying times. I always say that I take minute by minute, not even day by day...
I spoke to Chany Juravel in person and asked her this very same question. How can I ask for something when I know the answer will he NO? She said that This is the reason why I'm getting the NO, because I don't trust and believe Hashem anough that the situation can change for the better. Hashem can and does miracles. We need to ask, believe and trust. If the NO is for our (Neshama's) benefit, then it'll stay the same.

Also, please PM me your child's name, I will keep it anonymous and confidential.
Keep Davening.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:45 am; edited 3 times in total

amother

Magenta

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 10:37 am

Hey OP,
My heart goes out to you, sending u tunz of hugs and love.
My last pregnancy I had the drs gave me no hope telling me to abort and theres no way baby will make it until the end if baby makes it itll be a still birth. The scientists are still trying to figure out medicine for this diagnosis, it's such a rare uncommon diagnosis that less than 1% worldwide has this issue.
Sending me to lots of drs exams mri ultrasound testing......
Telling me every issue my fetus had it will be handicapped on feeding tubes wont be able to use bathroom basically like a vegetable. Scaring me to no end. Besides having a physically hard pregnancy I was an emotional wreck literally crying all the time. I wanted to wrap myself under a blanket and cry and give up though I had other children that needed a healthy mom so that was not an option.
While kids were in school I tried opening a tehillim to Daven though unfortunately I wasn't able to. I sat there and cried and cried and poured out my heart to Hashem and I kept saying Hashem we are in it together if you put me in it you'll will help me through it guide me and give me all the koach I need to get thru it and we are a team!
I've had moments where I broke down and just wished I could give up I couldnt handle it.... I didnt feel capable. I accepted my feelings I took lots of deep breaths and kept reminding myself Hashem created me He knows better than me Hes perfect and if Hes putting me through this theres a reason and it's for the best!!!!!
I took it minutes by minute hour by hour day by day! I had my good and strong moments and I had my weak moments.
Thank Gd I made it to the end of my pregnancy and I gave birth to a baby who had to be hospitalized the beginning of life. I davened to Hashem that he should guide me, the drs should all be the perfect shaliach to help my baby be healthy and be able to live a happy and healthy life.
Baruch Hashem! Chasdei Hashem! Hashem held my hand and helped me along my very difficult journey as I only had him to turn to. He was the only one that can help me in any way!
The journey is not over BH I trusted and relied on Hashem and not the drs and my child is doing well.
What I learned is Drs are limited with the knowledge and experience as Hashem is the master expertise of it all!
The main thing is just keep Davening and Talking to Hashem! Cry to Him! Speak to Him! Pour your heart out to Him! He is our Father, our Master, our King, and the Rofeh of all the Drs.
I wish you much Hatzlacha and a big refuah shelaima! May Hashem give you all the kochos you need to go thru this journey and IYH you will see a beautiful shining at the end of the tunnel!
Hope I was helpful!
This is something I never shared with the public and I hope it gives you chizuk!
Just know that Hashem loves you and Hes rooting for you! Trust in Hashem! Talk to Hashem in the language you speak, it doesnt only have to be in loshon Hakodesh!
Refuah shelaima!
Lots and lots of hugs! Hug

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 12:54 pm

Surrendered wrote:

How can someone believe this? It seems absurd. You say the reason why the answer is often NO is because we don't truly believe that the situation will change. And if we did believe the situation would change then the answer would be yes.

Sorry, there are way to many people that are genuinely davening for refuos and yeshuos who believe that hashem can make the situation better and they are still sick, infertile, poor, being abused, can't find a shidduch, and every other horrible situation imaginable.

Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is NO and we don't understand why hashem wants people to suffer in various ways but we can't deny the fact that he does allow it all to happen.