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What to tell tweens...having a d&c

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:45 pm
I’m usually a very active person and having a d&c so I’m gonna be on a slower mode. I’m sure I’m also gonna look weaker etc and they will notice that I’m away for a couple of hours. Wondering what to tell my tweens...

Don’t want them to know about the pregnancy...

Any ideas?
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:47 pm
Idk just tell them the truth.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:48 pm
I'm sorry for your pregnancy loss. Hug

Most tweens don't really want the personal details of their parents' lives.

Maybe tell them you're having a minor medical procedure that you'll need a few days to recover, no further details being shared because it's personal, but you're really okay and they don't need to worry?
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amother




Smokey
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:49 pm
I would tell them beforehand that you're not feeling well. Then you will go to the doctor, and it will be expected that you're at an appointment. When you get home you can let them know the doctor said you'll probably take some time to get better but it's not contagious.

Refuah shelaima Hug
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:53 pm
imasinger wrote:
I'm sorry for your pregnancy loss. Hug

Most tweens don't really want the personal details of their parents' lives.

Maybe tell them you're having a minor medical procedure that you'll need a few days to recover, no further details being shared because it's personal, but you're really okay and they don't need to worry?


I agree with this. Growing up, my parents used "minor medical procedure" when they went for a procedure they did not want to share details with us about.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:55 pm
I posted a reply and it got lost. Just realize they may pick up more than you think, I did at that age and my mother didn’t want to tell me about it. It was hard for me because I never felt comfortable asking her, it clearly wasn’t my business but the fact something like that could happen was very scary. Depends how perceptive your kids are
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:58 pm
Just wanted to let you know. I've had 2 and felt fine afterwards. Hope you feel the same. Good luck.
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:19 pm
I'd say that I'm having a minor procedure and it will take a little while to get back to myself. Assure them that it's nothing serious and you'll be fine.
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:20 pm
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
I would tell them beforehand that you're not feeling well. Then you will go to the doctor, and it will be expected that you're at an appointment. When you get home you can let them know the doctor said you'll probably take some time to get better but it's not contagious.

Refuah shelaima Hug


Sorry, I think this is a toddler explanation.
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:47 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
Sorry, I think this is a toddler explanation.


and I think that's a toddler comment
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:48 pm
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:
and I think that's a toddler comment


Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It just seems like she's undermining tweens that she can give this explanation.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:54 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It just seems like she's undermining tweens that she can give this explanation.
Yes, I think people underestimate tweens. My mom had no clue I knew she was preg but I did. And then she went to the hospital on shabb and it was hush hush and we couldn't tell anyone. And then she never said she was preg, I figured that out for myself, but she just wasn't anymore. Nothing made sense. It was scary.

And then with my first pregnancy I kept worrying that it would just end ch"v like hers ...
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amother




Lilac
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:45 pm
I recently had a mis. I didn't tell my kids I was pregnant or that I had a mis. Just told them I went to the hospital as I wasn't feeling well (they saw hatzala take me as I was hemorrhaging, but didn't see that part). The next morning we just told them I'm not feeling well and need some time to recover but will be"h be ok so they shouldn't worry.
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:50 pm
I told my girls that I had a minor procedure and all is fine! I will be back to myself in a few days which I was.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:01 pm
Honestly, it depends on your kids. Some kids are blissfully in their own world, and don't notice a thing. Others are extremely observant, even when they don't let on.

DD can read me like a book. She often knew I was getting a migraine before I did. She said my eyes looked "tight" around the corners, and that I was a little more cranky than usual. Sure enough, within 24 hours I'd be curled up in bed in misery. I learned to take preventative medicine whenever she pointed out that a migraine was coming on.

She is also the type to have anxiety, and worries about my health in general. I would have to tell her the truth about things, because her imagination would take over, and send her into panic attacks. At least if she understood what was going on, she could use logic to calm herself. She HATES when people keep secrets from her. It's a huge trigger.

OP, you know your kids best. I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I wish you a speedy recovery.
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amother




Jade
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:37 pm
My mom had a "minor procedure "
She had a miss and it was a secret. My grandfather called us on the phone and told us all to behave so that my mother can rest.

We were all really scared.

Tell your daughter the truth. I recently met an 8 year old that told me that her mom lost a baby in middle of the pregnancy, so they really should be a family of 6, not 5. Her mom must have explained in so well, the girl wasnt traumatized at all.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:52 pm
My mom had a d&c because of heavy periods, not a mis, and she told me straight out. I must have been between 12-15 years old. It was totally non traumatic and I was able to help out around the house while she recuperated.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 11:54 pm
Thank u FF! That is exactly the type of gals I’m raising...

As for those that said I should tell them the truth, my mom told us about her losses and I was sadder for her than she was! It was too much info for young kids to have to deal with, I shared it with too many friends Can't Believe It and silently counted them as “lost sibs”...

No need for my kids to know about my family planning successes and failures. I definitely would share pregnancy later on if it was healthy, being that it will be an adjustment for them.

but this is like a few days event that they would hardly have noticed had they been in school all day and knowing the whole truth will shake th5em up more than necessary.
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