Wedding expense articles in family first magazine

amother

Apricot

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:23 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

It sure sounds beautiful. Are you saying that you were American families that decided to make the wedding in Israel? In that case wouldn’t you need to add the airfare for all family members? Perhaps hotel too?

I don't want to give too much ID info out there, but the reason why we got married in Israel was b/c of visa issues of my in laws. It wasnt first choice but boy was it great! My father spent airfare on my (small) family, and I already had family there too. The people I truly cared about came to the wedding. But I also got married "later" than my friends, so my focus was on building a bayis neeman and I didnt care so much about where the wedding would be. Turned out absolutely wonderful. Was like any other brooklyn wedding

Hotel we stayed by air bnb. My father probaly spend a couple of extra thousand on that and flights but still, came out to be so so so much cheaper than my friends weddings here

giselle

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

heres another thing I read about in shock. am I the only one? on that other thread people were saying how 7k to spend on a watch is ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with a 1k watch.
and I am thinking a thousand dollars?! On a watch?
Am I the only one that thinks that spending a thousand dollars on a watch is absurd ? My own watch cost me 40 dollars on amazon and Im really happy with it. It looks beautiful and it tells time.

I think I was one of those who said that. My point was that if most people getting a watch for 1k, why do you need to get one for 7k. Whether or not everyone should get 1k watch is I guess a whole other discussion that I didn’t bring up..

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:42 pm

I have little kids so I am not in the "making wedding" stages of my life yet. I do think that the most important thing you can do at this point is raise your kids and make your home environment understanding of and feeling okay to do/buy/have things only when you are able to afford them. I grew up with parents on teachers salaries. I had very little material wise. I was not resentful of the simple wedding I had (which cost waaaaaaaayyyyy less than any of those featured in that awful article). If this is mentality is part of your family and your kids upbringing I think you will be able to figure it out with whatever money you can scrape together.

boysrus

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

im with you OP! Lol I just got back from walmart with my new watch. $8.88 plus tax! I cant believe the money people waste on chosson or kallah watches!

amother

Peach

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm with you all the way!!! I read numbers on here sometimes and I just can't wrap my head around them. And I'm not even that cheap! I look put together and all but $1,000 for a watch?!

amother

Taupe

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:35 pm

Theres an article in this weeks ami or mishpacha about a $10k wedding. He bought for his sons kallah a CZ engagement ring and bracelet. Im sorry but thats unacceptable. Jewelry is something that should be real it can be a cheaper one but you dont give fake jewelry as a gift! I was horrified!

amother

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:37 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

according to the other thread there were many people who said future daughter in laws would be resentful that they arent getting what their friends are getting.
I can only train my own kids but at the end of the day there is a whole other side. and nobody makes a shidduch based on money compatibility. its based on personality compatibility.

amother

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:38 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

There are still girls out there who would be happy to get a 40$ Amazon watch. Few and far between, but they exist. Just make sure you do a shidduch with people who share your mentality regarding spending and you’re good!

see thats what I am so perturbed about? Is this really true? Are there so few people out there who are happy with less or is the majority getting 1 k watches?

amother

Peach

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:39 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Why is that unacceptable? I'm seriously trying to understand, what about going into debt for a real diamond bracelet is better?

Elfrida

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:41 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

If she thought it was real, then lying about it is unacceptable. That destroys trust in the whole family.

But there is nothing wrong with CZ as such. Some girls are quite happy with this. Some are even relieved, since then it isn't such a responsibility if it gets lost. As long as both parties have matching expectations, it doesn't hurt to save money.

amother

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:42 pm

boysrus wrote:

im with you OP! Lol I just got back from walmart with my new watch. $8.88 plus tax! I cant believe the money people waste on chosson or kallah watches!

ok phew. maybe there is hope.
again I have nothing against if rich people want to spend lavishly on themselves. if you have the money go for it. but I am more wondering where all the people like me are. and if everyone is spending like that on weddings .

and just for the record I dont exactly look like a shlump. I dress well, just for less. I once wore a 8 dollar shirt I found in Kohls to a friends house and she asked me if I got it at Esti's (Jewish store where minimum shirt is $200)

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:48 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Perhaps not yours, but a lot of the Israeli weddings come with expectations for parents to give large amounts for apartments and household items. So probably just as, or more $ in the end.

asmileaday

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:49 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Oish these topics are so triggering for me.
I hate the wasteful spending that goes on to bedeck young teenagers, boys and girls, in thousands of dollars worth of jewelry.
Let's not kid ourselves. The average earner can not easily afford the insane amounts that real jewelry costs for multiple children. They just can not.
Stunning cz jewelry costs less and is much prettier than cheap real jewelry. And you can replace it guilt free and much more often when styles change.

I hope my sons don't marry girls with amother Taupe's mindset. How will I even know? You don't quite ask during research "is the girl ok with cz jewelry?", do you?

Rappel

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:52 pm

Conclusion from this thread: I'm going to be making shidduchim with a lot of thrifty imamothers in a few years...

So far, one boy on the market, and one girl.

Boy is 4, has a deep sense of justice, and likes to care for little things (younger kids, bunnies, the weak and the small). Currently in upheaval over the impending house move, but is generally a gentle, friendly soul.

Girl is 2.5, and lives by her imagination: If she decides that she is a chicken today, then she will correct you sternly if you try to address her as anything else. She has a very strong personality. She's very open to new experiences, avoids crowds, and her natural demeanor is laughing/smiling/joking.

Any takers?

amother

Aqua

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with your point, however, this is actually what happened with my husband. He comes from a family with more money (not wealthy, but definitely comfortable) and he was disappointed with what my parents bought us and what they were willing to spend on the wedding/setting up our apartment. He was respectful at first but more honest later. As time went on, he came to be more accepting of how my parents live and sees many positive things in their simple, frugal lifestyle. I also want to point out that my parents did not "cheap out" on things that directly affected him. They were extremely careful with how much they spent on my gown, my mother and sisters gowns (Gemach with very small amount put down), our vort (simple in our house), my clothing, my shoes, furniture (all free second hand). They also got a gemach package with basic household items which obviously helped a lot. (Idk if this is something available everywhere but with teachers salaries you would definitely qualify for the one I used). My point is that hopefully the person your child marries will have good enough middos to see that you are doing the best you could and will not be resentful!

My husband actually came to value my family and their perspectives on money more so than his family's.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 2:56 pm

No one I know would be ok with CZ jewelry and I am a kollel family in lakewood. An engagement ring has sentimental value and if its fake it cheapens the whole thing.
Most of the expenses for a wedding goes into the wedding night itself. The hall, photographer, flowers... The hall has a minimum for the amount of guests and even if you wanted to do buffet style (MUCH cheaper and can cut the cost by at least half) you cannot so it really has little to do the baal simchah. You can do simple on the gowns, flowers, furniture etc but that just takes away a small amount of money in the long run. My parents did not make an expensive wedding for me it was pretty simple and everything together including everything for the apartment costed around $50k Im not kidding.