Bar mitzvah money - bochur or parents?

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 5:11 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Spoken like a very rich girl. How lucky you are not to know poverty.

Poverty doesn’t give the right to steal.
If you can’t afford it, make it within your means.

amother

Linen

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 5:22 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Spoken like a very rich girl. How lucky you are not to know poverty.

Nope, not at all. Poverty does not mean one can exploit their kids for money. Poverty is no excuse for parents to have a right to steal money given to their kids as a gift. It's the parents responsibility to support their young kids. My father borrowed money from gemachim but did not touch any of our money we got as gifts, that's just cruel for a parent to do. Gift money is extra, they shouldn't count it into their budget at all, it's like it's not there.

amother

Beige

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 5:29 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

This is stealing from the kids, it's not right or allowed. It's like they're exploiting their kids for money.

Quote:

Money that the child earned is THE CHILDS.

Actually, I think halachicly, anything that belongs to a child belongs to the parents.

That said, when my children became BM/married, any check written out to them went to them. Any check written out to parents, went to parents.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 5:47 pm

Dhs parents threw a bar mitzvah party way above their means and took all his gift money to cover part of the costs. The party wasnt for him-he couldve cared less if every one of their friends was wined and dined in stylt. OTOH, they were loving parents who were always there for him. He has no resentment-he understands they had a pathological need to look like they could afford a party which they couldnt.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 6:19 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

Why is it better to take strangers’ money From a gemach to pay for your weddings and bar mitzvahs?

Stop throwing around words like “cruel” and “stealing” and “responsibility”. They’re not Halacha. They’re your opinion.

amother

Linen

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 7:04 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

A gemach is there to lend out money. They agree to give you the money and make a plan for payment.
It's not the same as just taking the kids money without giving the child a choice or paying the child back. A child's money shouldn't be put into the equation when budgeting.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 9:18 pm

Related question: when ppl give money when you make a bris, do you put that money in an account for the baby to give him when he grows up? or do you use that money to pay for the bris and other baby related expenses? more generally, do you think money given as a baby gift is intended to go to the child or to the parents?

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 9:24 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

This is stealing from the kids, it's not right or allowed. It's like they're exploiting their kids for money.

I believe that per Halachah any money a child earns belongs to the parents, if the
parents are providing full support for the child.

It is NOT stealing.

But if it is not the local custom, the child will resent it.

amother

Linen

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 9:24 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

When we made a bris we got just one check, from my grandparents. They told us to buy something for the baby, which we did.

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 9:25 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Poverty doesn’t give the right to steal.
If you can’t afford it, make it within your means.

It is NOT stealing. The halachah is any money a child earns belongs to the parents,
if the child is receiving full support.

amother

Linen

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 9:26 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It is NOT stealing. The halachah is any money a child earns belongs to the parents,
if the child is receiving full support.

It's actually not clear cut halacha.