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ISO newborn sleep advice- why won’t he sleep?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 1:44 pm
So this post is coming out of desperation. My baby is three weeks old and he is my fourth. my third baby wasn’t easy either but somehow we figured it out. I’ve read all the sleep articles about not letting them get overtired, putting them down when they’re sleepy but not sleeping, how to schedule their day et cetera but it’s still not working for us.
He won’t sleep, and if he does he won’t stay sleeping! He’ll get a bottle (he’s not hungry) burp, play for 45 minutes or so, look tired, we do the dark room thing and shushing, patting rocking but he won’t fall asleep. He’s not screaming but he’s not happy either. He’s kvetching in his swing, bassinet, car seat, wherever I tried this time so eventually I ignore him hoping he’ll just fall asleep.. until he starts screaming. He’s not colicky, when I take him out he doesn’t scream, he’s just wide eyed until he gets hungry and then he eats nicely and plays until it’s time to go to sleep again.. and then he doesn’t. Yes I change his diaper burp him again etc etc. This happens during the day and at night. He won’t fall asleep and if he does he won’t stay asleep
I was so desperate I just took him for a car ride. He fell asleep for five minutes.. and then woke up again kvetching and won’t go back to sleep.. and now he’s screaming again Mad
I’ve tried pacifiers I’ve tried swaddling I’m so lost!!
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challahchallah




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 1:46 pm
Will he sleep if you baby-wear him? Three weeks is still so tiny!
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 1:49 pm
I'm sorry. Almost all of my babies were like this. Now some of them are teenagers Smile

Very little worked for them, but some things that helped were swaddling, sleeping in a swing, and sleeping in a car seat. I also put them to sleep on their stomachs because that's what worked. Good luck! One day he'll be a teenager and will want to sleep all day Smile
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 2:05 pm
I guess a baby carrier could work. I have one that’s so uncomfortable and bothers my back, but I will look for it and try it. This little guy just wants to cuddle all day and nurse/sleep. If I’m in bed with him he sleeps but:
A. I think it’s dangerous and I’m really scared to (co sleeper cots etc won’t work he needs to be in my arms and latched on)
B. During the day my other kids are so neglected! We have shopping errands school orientation etc to do I can’t just lay in bed with him!

I can’t wait till he’s a teenager.. not really! I know the problems just keep getting bigger
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 2:07 pm
3 weeks is too young for any sleep training. I do the 12 hours by 12 weeks method which starts at about 6-8 weeks. She says as newborns to just not create bad habits. It's amazing!! I did it twice so far and LOVE it.
What worked for us at that age was gas drops after feedings or when cranky. They work miracles and pediatrician recommended them. I also found that swaddling, PACIFIER, dark room, singing, baths, patting tushy, all before bedtime to get their routine going helps a lot. Do not let him fall asleep in your arms or he won't learn to fall asleep on his own. also maintain a feeding schedule during day of minimum 3 hours in between feedings. Any less and the baby will be eating very little very often and not sleep well.
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lucky14




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:28 pm
Do you have a really good swaddle? Sometimes the type of swaddle can make a difference. My babies did well with the Miracle Swaddle, but other moms rave about different ones.
For months my baby would only nap if I was holding her (I felt bad doing any form of cry-it-out at that early of an age). I used my baby carrier and would often wear her for naps. If it works then get a better baby carrier. What do you have now?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:49 am
Now I have a cheap evenflo carrier. I tried it yesterday and he went to sleep instantly.. so that’s amazing, but I also hate wearing him. He’s heavy (9.5 lb), can’t move or bend, don’t really want him to get used to it. Which brand do you recommend?
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 8:19 am
Is there any indication that he may have reflux?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:01 am
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
Is there any indication that he may have reflux?

Yes actually I think you are on to something! He’s constantly swallowing and gulping when he’s not eating, I’ve seen him cough and appear to choke at times. Would that be a reason why he can’t sleep but doesn’t really scream (just kvetches when he’s not held)?
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:12 am
My first 2 were great sleepers and third one was like this, slept for 5 minutes and startled awake. The thing that worked for me was putting him on his tummy to sleep. I asked my pediatrician who said that it was ok since he had such good head control. I only did this for naps though and during the night he was on his back.
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amother




Seashell
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:21 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
3 weeks is too young for any sleep training. I do the 12 hours by 12 weeks method which starts at about 6-8 weeks. She says as newborns to just not create bad habits. It's amazing!! I did it twice so far and LOVE it.
What worked for us at that age was gas drops after feedings or when cranky. They work miracles and pediatrician recommended them. I also found that swaddling, PACIFIER, dark room, singing, baths, patting tushy, all before bedtime to get their routine going helps a lot. Do not let him fall asleep in your arms or he won't learn to fall asleep on his own. also maintain a feeding schedule during day of minimum 3 hours in between feedings. Any less and the baby will be eating very little very often and not sleep well.

I agree 3 weeks is way too young to sleep train.
But it’s for more ideal to feed a baby on demand then to wait at least 3 hours between feedings. Follow your baby’s cues in terms of feeding and you should be feeding at least every 2-3 hours and sometimes more often ( especially for a breastfed newborn) The advice to wait at least 3 hours in between feeds and never before 3 hours is very outdated advice. Good luck to you OP...
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes actually I think you are on to something! He’s constantly swallowing and gulping when he’s not eating, I’ve seen him cough and appear to choke at times. Would that be a reason why he can’t sleep but doesn’t really scream (just kvetches when he’s not held)?

Yes! Sounds like my baby. She had silent reflux with symptoms. The gastroenterologist figured it out because she wasn't sleeping. Medicine helped. It took 2 tries to find the right medicine/dosage but then she started sleeping and eating better.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:06 am
It’s so hard, wishing you good luck! My baby was a terrible sleeper and I thought I wouldn’t survive
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lucky14




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Now I have a cheap evenflo carrier. I tried it yesterday and he went to sleep instantly.. so that’s amazing, but I also hate wearing him. He’s heavy (9.5 lb), can’t move or bend, don’t really want him to get used to it. Which brand do you recommend?


So honestly I wore or carried mine for naps for the first few months. It was just easier for me to actually have her sleep and I didn't want to let her cry that little (and I didn't want to spend $1000+ on a personal sleep advisor). I also had the luxury that I was home all day so I was able to do that. I have an ergobaby. it's kind of bulkier than some of the others but I feel like it's nice and sturdy. I do not have an infant insert for my ergo though they do make them. When my children were as young as yours is I wore them in a baby k'tan.
She did get used to being held for her naps though. When she was older I did sleep training with the crying and all. I hope you're able to figure something out.
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TwinsMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 08 2020, 2:41 am
I have twins so I normally didn't hold or wear them to sleep and I always napped them in their room so they didn't see me. I'd rock the bassinets, leave as they drifted.... if they woke I'd go back and shush and rock but never pick them up at nap or bedtime. Dark quiet room but they got used to each other's cries.

I agree it could be reflux.
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jfk92




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 08 2020, 3:41 am
Hi this is exactly my baby. It's reflux with him. Got it diagnosed officially. Still Working on finding the right meds/ and getting to the right solution. Also only sleeps in a carrier and is really heavy. Plus have other kids to take care of too. So difficult! But iyh now we know the problem and will get better.
Ps the screaming didnt start till about 4 wks. Just the kvetching and spit up random burping and what I also described as what seems to be choking in wk 3. First 2 wks I actually didnt even see anything of the sort!

But if you get help now I imagine you can minimize that before it becomes a problem.


Last edited by jfk92 on Tue, Sep 08 2020, 4:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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ChanieMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 08 2020, 3:54 am
Many babies fall asleep when you put them over your shoulder and swing them gently to and through. Or maybe it's easier to carry him in a carrier.

Some babies like a rocking motion to fall asleep, so there are real cradles with a motor that will rock the child gently the whole time.
Some children just need less sleep.

The first thing that always comes to my mind is reflux, which happens when the child lies flat, but what you describe does not sound like reflux, more like a child who does not need much sleep...
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Tue, Sep 08 2020, 5:00 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
I agree 3 weeks is way too young to sleep train.
But it’s for more ideal to feed a baby on demand then to wait at least 3 hours between feedings. Follow your baby’s cues in terms of feeding and you should be feeding at least every 2-3 hours and sometimes more often ( especially for a breastfed newborn) The advice to wait at least 3 hours in between feeds and never before 3 hours is very outdated advice. Good luck to you OP...


I would add that its not just not ideal but can be dangerous.
Unfortunately, I've heard from medical professionals who have dealt with babies suffering from malnutrition from advice like that and specifically that book. The babies sleep so well because they are weak and hungry. Feed your baby when its hungry please!!!!
As to op, try different carriers- if you look online you can find different Facebook groups and mommy groups that can help you pick out a carrier. I think if you can get some naps in then hopefully the nights will be better. Sleep breeds sleep.
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