Terrible Two's? | Imamother

amother

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 6:23 pm

My recently turned two year old has gone from being the sweetest, kindest little soul to an angry terror, literally overnight. Hitting, fighting, yelling, throwing, the works. There have been no changes in routine, no changes in environment, no medical changes, no family changes.
Is this normal? My other kids have not been terrible when they were two so I don't know but this sounds like too much, too fast.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:54 am

Bump

bunchagirlies

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 12:36 pm

did he just start going out? playgroup, new babysitter, etc.
check his ears out for an ear infection? getting molars or other teeth? Sounds like something is going on.

ChanieMommy

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 12:37 pm

Is he in daycare? Maybe something happened at daycare.

At this age, they want to be more independent, so maybe something suddenly terribly irks him (because he feels his autonomy is compromised), and then it becomes a vicious cycle of tantrum, reaction to tantrum, etc...

Frumme

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 12:49 pm

I'd say normal, to an extent. It's very normal for them to start really testing boundaries and seeing what they can or cannot get away with. Also, developmentally, life is hard for a 2 year old! They don't always have all the words they need to express what they want or need, so they might act out in frustration.

Try to encourage your dc to use his/her words. Make sure you give them the tools to express their feelings (e.g. give them a chart with different facial expressions, or verbalize what they might be feeling-- "are you hungry?" Etc).

If it's really affecting quality of life for you/your family, or if it goes on for a while, it might be worth it to ask your doctor about it to rule out any issues, but my bet is that dc is probably fine.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 1:03 pm

Child is not in daycare so that's not the issue. Also has a very advanced vocabulary and we do encourage using language and exploring feelings so I don't think that's a problem either. Was recently by the doctor but maybe I'll go again just for a quick check up.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 2:10 pm

I had a kid older than that turn very aggressive and angry almost overnight. Turned out it was undiagnosed strep turned into PANDAS. Keep an eye on checking that out if it continues for too long. Also can be a vaccine reaction for some kids but shouldn't last long hopefully.

Mine just turned 2 year old is majorly having tantrums and screaming a ton. It was gradual though from 1 1/2 to 2. I checked my child's back teeth too but can't see anything coming through. Just waiting this one out.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 2:30 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Oh wow! Maybe I'll have them run bloodwork also just in case.
How long can Vaccine reaction last?

ChanieMommy

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 2:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh wow! Maybe I'll have them run bloodwork also just in case.
How long can Vaccine reaction last?

No, it cannot last, and, more importantly, it cannot be delayed for months and months.

So if you did not vaccine your child just before it began, you can rule that out.

Quote:

Also has a very advanced vocabulary and we do encourage using language and exploring feelings so I don't think that's a problem either.

It might be that he is overwhelmed by that... children need babytalk, so you might want to try less speaking and more cuddling... less serious speaking and more laughing & theatrical speaking...

Also, you might want to observe whether he has sensory issues he cannot express clearly... could be things like flickering light, sounds he does not like, touch he does not like, textures he does not like, smells he does not like (e.g. shampoo when bathing) etc...

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 2:53 pm

First of all, no matter how good the vocabulary, ask "Do you have an owie?" If so, say "Can you point to it?" If your child points to the jaw area, chances are it's the 2 year molars. At that time, DD loved to chew on frozen green beans (and never choked on the pieces.) I'd give her a cup of beans, and she'd happily go on her way.

If no owie, you can ask "Are you mad?" and go from there. Start naming different feelings, and see what comes up. Your child may be hungry, need the bathroom, or still be needing naps in the afternoon.

OR, your kid may just stam be frustrated that they are not a grown-up yet!

There are steps that work in order to handle a tantrum. First, see if you can find out the source of the problem. Second, empathize as much as possible, and name the feelings. "You are mad because Moishe got a cookie and you didn't." Third, try to find a solution. "Do you want a cookie too?"

If the problem is not immediately fixable or realistic, empathize again. "I'm sorry your teeth are hurting, that must make you really sad." See if cuddling works.

If absolutely nothing is working, tell your child "I wish I could help you fix that. Mommy will be right over here, fixing dinner. Would you like to help?" Sometimes distraction works, and sometimes it doesn't.

If worse comes to worse and the tantrum is epic, reassure your child that you are "right here", and then get on with your life. There is a tipping point where feeding into a tantrum just prolongs the agony for both of you. Once you see that tipping point coming, try to back out as soon as possible, before things can escalate.

"It takes two to tantrum" is actually true. Kids don't tantrum without an audience. Once you've done all you reasonably can, without turning yourself into a pretzel, the best thing to do is to not throw any more fuel on the fire. Let it burn out naturally. Depending on the kid, it can take 5 minutes to self regulate and calm down, or it can take 2 hours. Don't give up! At this point, the more attention you give the tantrum, the more you are reinforcing it.

With time, you'll learn to see exactly when to step back and just let it play out.

BTW, if you have a teenager, this method also works extremely well. My DD has Borderline Personality Disorder, and her tantrums during teen years would put any toddler to shame. Using this technique has saved my sanity on many occasions, without DD ever thinking that "YOU JUST DON'T CARE!" She knows that I do care, and that I feel he pain.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 3:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh wow! Maybe I'll have them run bloodwork also just in case.
How long can Vaccine reaction last?

You can get a strep test done to see if there's an infection. Not sure about the reaction part but has your child had a immunization in the past two weeks?

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 5:47 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

You can get a strep test done to see if there's an infection. Not sure about the reaction part but has your child had a immunization in the past two weeks?

I was going to say no but I just checked and immunizations were 3 weeks ago. For some reason I thought was longer than that. So now I'm thinking maybe it is a vaccine reaction? My other kids were all ok after every shot but this one is extremely sensitive and frail so makes sense... If it is a vaccine reaction, can I expect this to happen every time?
Regarding sensory issues, I have been suspecting that it might be an issue. I will try to set up an evaluation.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 5:48 pm

FF, you posted great advice as usual but nothing works with this child. And there are actually no tantrums, just rage and violence.

ChanieMommy

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 5:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No, it can't be delayed for a few weeks either...

You might want to check out the sensory issues... and as ff said: sometimes, it's just frustrating to be a small child

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

FF, you posted great advice as usual but nothing works with this child. And there are actually no tantrums, just rage and violence.

Oysh, that must be so scary for both of you! And this came on pretty suddenly?

Please find a doctor who really understands PANDAS!

I just had another thought - are you in an area that is known for Lyme Disease? If so, please find a Lyme literate doc as well. Not everyone gets a rash if they get bitten, and symptoms can show up a month or more after a bite.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:14 pm

Its normal for 2 year olds to scream and throw things even if they have big vocabulary

Feelings are a much harder thing to express (for adults too!). He cannot calm himself down when something doesn't happen that he wants to. He can't tell you. Mommy I really wish I could have it this way, and the way you're doing it really frustrates me

I reccomend the book "my sometimes feelings". I read this book with my son and it helped him with his expression. We go through every emotion in back of book and talk about what happened that day that made him feel that way.. He still has moments of acting out and yelling/throwing things... but am trying to teach him techniques to go breath and come back when he's ready and then we can talk about it.

whoops

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 11:38 pm

where can I get this book? I'm currently struggling with an extremely expressive 2.5 yr old and has anger management issues, he starts throwing stuff to tell me I'm angry

amother

Lavender

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 7:08 am

whoops wrote:

where can I get this book? I'm currently struggling with an extremely expressive 2.5 yr old and has anger management issues, he starts throwing stuff to tell me I'm angry

Amazon. Judaica store/website

amother

Magenta

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

there are things you can do to help take down the immune activation And calm his nervous system.