Do u alwys match your kids?

amother

Babypink

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:00 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Wearing the same clothes as siblings doesn't make them less of an individual. The stores don't sell just one of each outfit, there are many kids wearing the same clothing as your kids.

It sort of does. You're not choosing clothing based on their individuality, even on a practical level. The style of dress A may work beautifully with the 6 year old's figure, but only partly so with the 11 year old. Or dress B is really cute for a youngster, but a bit immature for an 11 year old. Or the color of the dress really suits the 11 year old, but not so much for the younger girl. If you would choose the dress only for the younger one, you'd get the different color. But since they have to match, you must pick the same color.

And the kids never really get to express their individuality. They're either in uniforms in school, or matching someone else at home. But all in all, I don't think these kids really care too much. This is most common in communities where they're being raised in a cookie-cutter type of mentality.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:19 pm

I would love to see this as a poll, with options for where you live. I'm pretty sure that if you are in Beitar or Monsey, all your kids are going to match, but if you are OOT, possibly not.

What would you do if there was no community pressure to have everyone match perfectly all the time?

DD is an only child, so I would find "Dolly and Me" dresses online, where she could get an outfit that fit her American Girl doll, as well as a nice outfit for herself. She got some cute Shabbos dresses that way.

If DD's outfit was simple, like a dress with a black skirt and a sparkly silver top, I might wear a black skirt and a gray silk blouse, just for fun. Wink

*sigh* I miss having a little girl to dress up!

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:49 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

*sigh* I miss having a little girl to dress up!

My sister lives in Beitar. It is very poor, you don't see kids matching there.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 6:56 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

My sister lives in Beitar. It is very poor, you don't see kids matching there.

I should have said Beitar Ilit, where I have seen matching kids.

In Beit Shemesh, there's this unspoken code that your kids MUST match, or you are a nebach and people will direct you to the nearest gemach. Huge amount of pressure to fit in, whether you are DL, yeshivish, or Charedi.

salt

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 6:34 am

What's this thing about looking cute or 'neat' - a few posters used this term.
In my opinion, it's an external cover-up for what is really important.
Kids should be polite, well behaved, help out, be kind to their friends, etc, no need to look neat, like museum pieces.
Children are not for show.
If you really want them to look 'neat', tuck in their shirt and brush their hair - it may last a couple of hours Smile

If you're really buying matching clothes because it's practical to take a few of the same thing in a shop, then ok, fair enough, but I'm pretty sure there are some social pressures there too.

watergirl

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 6:51 am

salt wrote:

If you're really buying matching clothes because it's practical to take a few of the same thing in a shop, then ok, fair enough, but I'm pretty sure there are some social pressures there too.

So much all of this!! There is so much pressure involved here.

Also, this is a common topic on imamother. If you look back a few years, the "neat" reason for matching was never even mentioned. This is a new aspect, at least on here. And it does not hold, really - when one child gets dirty, then what?

ETA - I admit, I grab two of the same color polo and pants from Target/Children's Place when I shop for my boys. I put it in their drawers and if they happen to grab the same colors, then ok, they match that day. I have many variations of the navy polo and grey/khaki pants in their drawers. Matching happens at some point (in color, not in style because they have their own likes in terms of waste band, etc).

I was once a Cony Island for a chol hamoed. I was honestly shocked at the age of these kids who were in matching clothing. Some of these girls were just pushing the limit. Maybe they like matching? Maybe not? It was silly in my opinion, but that's just me and to each their own.

Last edited by watergirl on Tue, Sep 15 2020, 7:59 am; edited 1 time in total

Iymnok

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 7:44 am

My boys are 2yrs apart. I buy them matching shirts each season. They wear what they want each day. Usually they don’t match. When we go on an outing in a large, crowded place I encourage them to match so I can keep everyone together easier. Also a wandering child is returned faster.
My little girls like to match, but they outgrow those cute dresses so fast!

watergirl

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 7:57 am

Zehava wrote:

I match the boys because it’s easy. 2 wardrobes for the price of one. For shabbos not so much anymore since the older one is wearing more mature styles at this point.

I am confused about this. How is it two wardrobes for the price of one, if you have to buy one set for each boy? Thats two for the price of two.

metacognizant

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:03 am

My mother was very into matching. I am the oldest of four siblings, 2 boys and 2 girls, and my youngest sibling is 11 years younger than I am. Every holiday we wore matching outfits at shul. Suffice it to say, this was a HUGE source of stress in my life as a child. As a preteen I felt infantilized wearing a green velvet dress with a teddy bear embroidered on the front, or whatever ridiculous embarrassing thing my mother made me wear to match the baby. My 9 year old brother didn't exactly love wearing cutesy overalls to match the baby and the toddler either. My mother was extremely heavy handed about it (literally, she'd beat me if I protested) and I am traumatized by the experience. With that said, I am sure there are families where this works out fine and is happily accepted by all parties. But I feel like if the PARENTS would not be willing to dress in matching outfits with their little kids, they shouldn't dress older kids that way either.

keym

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:29 am

Two of my boys are very close in age and wore the same size.
I would almost always buy 2 of the same shirt and when they were younger they would usually wear it on the same day. They stopped as they got older.
Now, they both wear long sleeve white shirts every day- school dress code and community norms so we joke that they're back to wearing matching every day.

4g01o

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:41 am

keym wrote:

Yes it's the same with my older 2 boys who are in high school now. Black and white every day. They have some matching things for the holidays but they most often don't wear on the same day. Whatever they fancy they pull out. They're only 1.5 years apart so if I find something on sale and they have both sizes I buy for both.

silverlining3

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:42 am

When there's not a big age gap I think wearing the same is very cute, especially when they're together, Think (Sundays, shabs, yt, after school-even seeing them go onto the bus when they match, I just love it.
When my 2 close in age kids were little, as long as I was able to shop cheap, they matched every single day. Then one day I decided, they're not twins, I'm not gonna keep getting every single season a new wardrobe for each. So I stopped and do hand me downs.
These days, when both need new, I buy the same. Usually they wanna match, though I let them then choose which outfit. If they choose diff, so be it.

4g01o

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:46 am

metacognizant wrote:

Oy you poor thing, this is terrible!!!! I can't get over such a thing. So sad Sad

amother

Pearl

Tue, Sep 15 2020, 8:50 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

So people who do matching, do your kids not wear each other's hand-me-downs or do they just wear the same outfit for many, many, many years in a row?
I fill in my children's wardrobe with new pieces, but the bulk is whatever still fits and is in decent condition from last year and whatever I can pass down from the one above.

I wonder that too. It’s much more expensive to match.